Кэндес Бушнелл - Four Blondes

The car pulls up to a shabby walk-up building on the Lower East Side. He follows her up two flights of steps. Is it his imagination, or is she pushing her ass out at him? Or is it the shoes, the clunky platform sandals? He pushes her up against the wall of the landing. Puts his hand under her skirt. (She's not wearing any underwear, and she's hairy.) She pulls his hand away and puts her ringers in his mouth.

"I'm a really good fuck," she says. "You're not going to be disappointed.”

"I know I'm not," he says.

If s like a porno movie. Since when did girls become this easy? Why didn't anyone tell him? (Why is she so easy?) They go into her apartment. If s dark and dingy. Small. Messy. (Horribly messy.) There's a mattress on the floor. She lies down and puts her legs up. "Fuck me, big boy," she says. He unzips his pants and pulls them down. He crawls toward her. There's a faint odor of garbage. He can't tell if it's coming from her apartment or the street below. He puts two fingers inside her. Then he puts himself inside her. She's wet, but big. Enormous. If s like an empty space in there. She's bigger than Winnie, and Winnie's had a baby.

What is he doing? What if Winnie finds out? He comes.

He falls on top of her.

After a minute, he looks at her face. She isn't looking at him. She's looking up at the ceiling. Her face is blank. What is she thinking? Did she come? "I should call my office," she says.

James sits. He pulls up his pants. "That was great," he says.

"Yeah. I know," she says. She crawls off the bed and opens the tiny refrigerator. "I hope you don't mind. I need a drink." She pours herself half a glass of straight vodka. "Don't look so shocked, James. I never judge anyone. Because if s your problem, not mine. Right? If you have a problem with this, don't give me a hard time about it. I don't deserve it.”

"I know," James says. Suddenly he feels horrible. The drugs have worn off. He's exhausted. He feels dirty. (He is dirty.) He wishes he were back in his apartment, in his own bed, sleeping. If he could just go to sleep, maybe when he woke up it would be like none of this ever happened.

"If you're worried about my telling your wife, don't," Amber says. "I'm not that kind of girl. I don't ever want you to think that I'm that kind of girl, because I'm not.”

"Okay," James says cautiously.

She moves toward him and puts her hands on either side of his face. She kisses him on the lips.

"You've never met anyone like me before in your life. You don't have to worry about me. I'm your best friend.”

"I feel a little ... anxious," he says.

"Why didn't you say so? I've got tons of pills. Xanax? Clonopin? Dexedrine?”

Dexedrine?

"Do you really know Winnie?" he says. Trying to sound casual.

"What do you think, James?" she says. "Duh.”

Winnie and Tanner are lying naked in his bed in his suite at Morgans Hotel. Winnie has her eyes closed. She's smiling.

Tanner leans over and brushes her hair away from her face. He kisses her cheek. "Did you like that?" he asks softly.

"Oh yes," she says.

(What she really wants to say is, That was the most mind-blowing fuck I've ever had in my life thank you very much and now I finally understand what a mind-blowing fuck is, but she isn't that kind of girl.) He cups her bottom and pulls her closer. She runs her hand over his back. (She wants to remember his body for the rest of her life. She will remember his body for the rest of her life. If s perfect. Slightly tanned and hairless. Muscular but not overly built. Whoever said that men's bodies don't matter to women was wrong. She never knew that sex could be so clean. And beautiful. Tanner is so clean. She's never seen such a clean man in her life. James has white skin and nobbly moles. And black pores where the blond hair springs out. Sometimes he has blackheads on his back.) "Wanna do it again?" Tanner says. "Can you?”

"What do you think?”

She can already feel his erection. "Just a minute," she says.

She leans over and picks up the phone. He strokes her bottom. So gently, she feels excited again. She opens her legs just a little bit. "Hello," she says. "What’s up," her assistant says.

"Just checking in. Tell Amber I need her copy first thing tomorrow morning.”

"I can't," her assistant says. "She's still at that press conference.”

"Just tell her, okay?" Winnie says. Thinking, Typical. Amber Anders was the girl who plagiarized her piece.

She hangs up the phone. "Everything okay?" Tanner asks. "Perfect," she says.

James can't get home fast enough. For once. If he can get home before Winnie, he can take a shower. He can pretend everything is normal.

From now on, everything is going to be normal. He's going to concentrate. He's going to write that book. (He feels like shit. He can't take it, this feeling like shit anymore. Is this how Tanner feels after he takes drugs and fucks some random chick he doesn't care about? Mixed up and confused?) He opens the door to his apartment. Closes it. "James?" Winnie calls out. "I'm glad you're home." Winnie is in their boy's room. Playing with their child. Helping him string beads on a cord. She's sitting on the floor with her shoes off. She looks happy. "Look, Daddy," has boy says.

"Hello, Sport," James says. "Daddy. Bang bang," the boy says.

"No," Winnie says. "Don't shoot Daddy." She smiles. "Isn't he such a boy?" she says.

"Bang bang," James says to his boy. "Bang bang back.”

"Clay's here," Winnie says in a stage whisper.

"Veronica kicked him out of the house. I'm thinking I should kick both of you out and let you go to a hotel. But on second thought, maybe I should go to a hotel and let you pay for it.”

"Do you want to go to a hotel?" James asks. "What do you think?" Winnie says.

"How was your day?”

"Great," Winnie says, looking up. "I fucked Tanner all afternoon in his hotel room.”

I wish you had, James thinks. Then they'd be even. Then he wouldn't have to worry about anything. (But he would have to worry about Tanner. He wouldn't be able to be friends with him anymore. And every time he looked at Winnie, he'd have to think about Tanner fucking her. And all the other girls Tanner had fucked. Maybe he'd have to divorce Winnie.) "Uncle Clay threw up in the sink," his boy says. "Sssssh," Winnie says. "How was your day?”

"I went to that press-conference. It was useless.”

“I told you," Winnie says.

(Should he tell her? Should he tell her he met Amber Anders at the press conference? If he's going to tell her, now is the time. What if Amber tells Winnie she met James? What if she tells her she fucked James? If she tells Winnie she met James, Winnie will wonder why James didn't tell her first.) "I met someone who works in your office," he says.

"Who?”

"Andy ... Amber something ... ?”

“Amber Anders," Winnie says.

"I think That’s it.”

"What did she say?”

"Nothing," James says. "She said she read my piece on satellites.”

"She'll probably plagiarize it. She was the one who plagiarized my piece. I'm trying to get rid of her, but I can't.”

"You should," James says. "She seems kind of crazy.”

"She's worse than Evie.”

"Do you think Evie slept with Tanner?”

"I have no idea," Winnie says. She picks up a few beads and threads them onto the cord. (She thinks about Tanner. How he was so strong; he kept gently picking her up and moving her into different positions. He knelt over her like a god. He overwhelmed her. He kissed her neck until she thought she was going to swoon. She did swoon. She slid off the chair onto the floor, and that’s when he picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. She was incapable of protest.) "I bet he didn't," James says. "Evie's a little too close to home. Even for Tanner. She's your sister.”