Andres Neuman - Traveller of the Century

Later on, after a long bath, some lunch and a nap, Hans went out to hail a coach and make his way to the cave. Franz, who had spent the whole day skulking around the bed, greeted him with the enthusiasm of a sentry who sees the relief guard arrive. Hans found the organ grinder in a rather frail state. He had a temperature and his eyes looked sunken. My eyes hurt, the old man said, kof , and I feel dizzy, kof , like my ears are being pulled and I’m floating. Have you been on your own long? asked Hans. I’m not on my own, the organ grinder said, Franz looks after me, kof , and Lamberg’s been here, kof , he brought me some food. And do you feel any better? asked Hans. Come over here, the old man replied, kof , sit beside me for a while.

On Thursday afternoon Hans received a note on papyrus-brown paper. The message was succinct and the writing a little stiff for Sophie’s hand. This, he reflected, meant she had written it against her will, or at least that she had forced herself to write what it said — that it was best if he didn’t come to the salon the following day.

Before she signed off, however, Hans read the word love . And below her signature, a postscript:

PS I think I understand why there was no sequel to Lucinde.

Hans crumpled up the note and dressed to go out. He put on his beret, paused, took it off, put it on again, paused once more then finally flung it at the fireplace, cursing.

Bertold’s scar spread incongruously, as though his lip were producing two separate smiles — a polite one and a scornful one. I’m sorry, she’s not at home, Bertold announced, Fräulein Sophie is taking tea at the Wilderhaus residence, do you wish to leave a message? I wish to pay my respects to Herr Gottlieb, Hans replied almost without thinking.

Herr Gottlieb and Hans scrutinised one another. The one attempting to deduce the true reason for this surprise visit, the other to discover whether news of his arrest and the incident with Rudi had been made known. Neither managed to come to any definite conclusion, although both men were aware of a change — the normally hospitable Herr Gottlieb was offhand and irritable, while Hans appeared ill at ease, less elegant than usual. And those cuts on your cheek, Herr Hans? Herr Gottlieb asked, without giving away the faintest glimpse of a clue behind his whiskers. Cats, said Hans, my inn is full of cats. Yes, said Herr Gottlieb, cats are unpredictable creatures. Rather like men, said Hans. You are right there, sir, Herr Gottlieb nodded solemnly, you are certainly right there.

At no point was Hans requested to leave, yet he was offered no tea either. Hans began to take his leave, and Herr Gottlieb asked him to wait for a moment, went to his study and handed him a folded card embossed with sumptuous arabesques. We were obliged to personalise the invitations, said Herr Gottlieb, chewing his pipe, because of the number of guests. Hans read the names of the betrothed couple and felt a pang. As he walked through the corridor towards the hall, he noticed the jug Sophie used as a flower vase — it contained violets.

Hans left Stag Street and queued for a coach opposite the market square. While he was waiting he saw Herr Zeit walk past, belly atremble.

The innkeeper was scurrying along with difficulty — he was late fetching Thomas from Bible class. The sacristan greeted him from the steps. His son was cavorting in the doorway. As Herr Zeit began climbing the stair, the sacristan disappeared inside the gloomy sanctuary. Almost at once, Father Pigherzog reappeared in his place.

Good afternoon, may God be with you, said the priest, how is your wife? Good afternoon, Father, said Herr Zeit, in perfect health, thank you. I am glad, my son, I am glad, Father Pigherzog beamed, a healthy family is a blessing indeed. And now that you are here, I would like you to tell me about that guest of yours. Who? Him? Very well, replied the innkeeper, but there isn’t much to tell. He goes to bed late and gets up at noon. He spends hours in his room reading. He’s very quiet. Don’t you know he is an unbeliever? said the priest. I don’t know much, Father, Herr Zeit shrugged, and I’m getting old. All I know are thalers and groats, if you follow me? Because I can hold them in my hand. I don’t know whether Herr Hans is a heretic. If you say so, Father, then who am I to doubt your word? But no one can deny he pays on time.

The organ grinder had not sat up all day. His forehead was bathed in sweat. He had no appetite. When Hans arrived he perked up a little. Seeing his master move, Franz ran over to lick his beard. Violets, you say? — kof , the old man asked. A huge bunch, Hans confirmed. In that case, said the organ grinder, resting his head again, you needn’t worry about her, kof , violets are the choice of a heart at peace with itself, do you know what I dreamt last night? It was a bit strange, kof , there was a crowd of men with no hands. And what were they doing? Hans asked, wiping the old man’s brow. That’s the strange part, he replied, they were waving at me!

The figure in the black-brimmed hat takes his long overcoat off the stand. He holds it up by the lapels for a moment, like a hunter examining his kill. He feels a vague unease, a sense of foreboding in his guts. He replaces the coat on the stand. As is his custom before going out, he stretches, flexing his arms and legs. Slow. Quick. Slow. Quick. He feels an erection stirring in his trousers. He takes off his hat. He looks around the darkened room for a cotton handkerchief. He has difficulty locating it — without his spectacles, which get in the way when he wears the mask, his vision is increasingly blurred. He discovers the handkerchief in amongst the manuscripts of his latest poems. He unbuttons his breeches. He slips his hand inside his undergarments. He pulls out his member. He masturbates mechanically, his mind elsewhere. This is simply something he must do in order to remain calm and collected while he is waiting. It also avoids him wetting his sheets the next morning, which he finds deeply distasteful. He spills his seed into the centre of the handkerchief. He folds it meticulously. He dabs the tip of his member with the clean part. He buttons up his breeches. He drops the handkerchief into the laundry basket. He washes his hands using plenty of soap. He takes the opportunity to clip his fingernails. He refreshes his face with cold water to stimulate his reflexes. He perceives with disgust the faint aroma of bear fat emanating from his scalp. He applies scent to his bald pate. He gobbles up three tomato halves open on a plate. The invigorating effect of the tomatoes is considerable. He swills his mouth out. He washes his hands again. He goes back over to the coat stand. He ties his scarf. He puts on his hat again. He pulls on his coat. He checks the content of his pockets — the knife, the mask, the rope, the gloves. He exhales. He thinks of Fichte. He rubs his eyes. And he leaves the house paying no attention to the burning sensation in the pit of his stomach. As the door closes, a curly white wig rocks gently on one of the arms of the coat stand.

Herein! the Chief Superintendent clacked, opening the dispatch box and taking out an urgent communication a mounted policeman had just brought him.

Following a calculated pause of a few moments, as though their intention were to make the Chief Superintendent anxious, Lieutenants Gluck and Gluck entered his office. They walked slowly, thrilled to know that all eyes were upon them. They were escorted by two officers more heavily armed than usual. Between the two lieutenants and the two policemen, hands cuffed behind his back, pale and indifferent, was Professor Mietter.

Professor Mietter listened for half-an-hour to the two lieutenants’ detailed report and the charges being brought against him. He responded to the Chief Superintendent’s questions in monosyllables, scarcely batting an eyelid. His lips seemed to tremble as if he were on the point of laughing. He followed what his captors were saying as though in a trance. He heard the young lieutenant say that at the prisoner’s dwelling (it took the professor a few moments to realise they were talking about him, and their vulgar bureaucratic jargon amused him— the prisoner ) they had proceeded to confiscate, among other incriminating items ( Items! the professor scoffed. How absurd!), a collection of Venetian masks and a set of Prussian steel knives. He heard the older lieutenant (who, as the professor noticed, spoke somewhat more correctly, adhering to everyday speech and avoiding the excesses of bureaucratic rhetoric) give a fairly precise account of his modus operandi (although the officer hadn’t used the phrase modus operandi , and it was unlikely that Latin was one of his aptitudes). He heard the young lieutenant enumerate (or rather justify in a roundabout way) the difficulties that had slowed down the elimination of the remaining suspects, the prisoner’s continual ruses and attempts to throw them off the scent (the professor flashed his eyes ironically — some of the ruses mentioned had never occurred to him). And he heard him explain that, after a close comparison of the different attacks, they had noticed none had taken place on a Friday, except on one occasion in August. And it was this fact that had finally led them to the prisoner, whose habits they had already begun studying, including his attendance at the Gottlieb salon, which only stopped during the summer holidays (yes, but wouldn’t it have been even more suspicious if I’d missed the odd Friday at the salon in order to commit an assault? Mietter protested in silence). He heard the older lieutenant assert that one reason why they had doubted the professor’s guilt was the masked man’s agility over the short distances, an agility that appeared in principle to point to a younger man (I shall take this conundrum as a compliment, the professor laughed sneeringly to himself). He heard the young lieutenant remark on how the excellent physical condition of the aforementioned ( The aforementioned! God help us!) had indeed surprised them, and how they had finally found out about his exercise regime and healthy eating habits. He heard the older lieutenant add that, as the investigation made headway, one small detail had proved decisive — the smell of grease, bear fat to be exact, which at least two of his victims had claimed to detect beneath their attacker’s strong cologne. Up until that moment, the lieutenant went on, there had been various suspects. When we confirmed the use of bear grease, which is a remedy for baldness, we knew we were looking for a man who was unhappy about his baldness. (What a stupid tautology, the professor reasoned, what bald man is happy with his baldness?) And this man, Chief Superintendent, sir, never goes out without his wig. And so you could say, his vanity gave him away.