K. Randis - Spilled Milk

“Sorry Dad, I’ll clean it. They were my cups.” Please believe me.

He eyed me up and down, his chest heaved from struggling to chase us up the stairs. I watched the blood start to drain from his face, and he started to look away from me. A sign he was backing down.

“Get it cleaned up. I don’t want to tell you again.”

He shuffled the door to the side with his boot and made his way down the hallway. I closed my eyes listening to the sound of his footsteps, praying. It seemed like an eternity before I heard the sound of a doorknob turn, then silence. He had gone into his own room. I checked the clock. It usually took about an hour for the tension in the house to start winding down. I knew Adam and Thomas would stay in their room until then.

When I opened the closet door Kat was sitting in the far back corner. I clicked the light on and welcomed her into my arms. We both learned to be expert silent criers, and her face was stained with the remnants of fear.

“I’m sorry.” I stroked her head. “I’m sorry, I should have made sure the sink was empty.”

It was only day two of Mom being in the hospital, and she still had more than a week of recovery. I tried to push the thought of how hard it was going to be over the next few days and focused on cleaning up shards of glass over the next hour.

Kat puffed little breaths of air as I slipped into the bedroom, careful not to wake her up. I stared at the open space where my door should have been. It was my lifeline, the only way I could ready myself. Now I wouldn’t hear if Dad came into my room in the middle of the night.

And I didn’t. I glanced at the clock with a half opened eye as I was being carried. What’s going on? Ohh where is he taking me? This is all a dream, all a dream. He’ll go away if you’re sleeping. This isn’t happening if you’re sleeping.

The plastic smell told me I was in his bedroom, on his waterbed. I tasted blood as I bit my lip and twisted my face. The room was a black hole, not even the stars were out.

Pain shot up through my body as I contorted my back. My cheeks were on fire and the room began to spin. I grabbed at the sheets and the weight of his body pushed me deeper into the bed. I couldn’t breathe.

I heard something like a doorknob turning, but began to drift. I saw my body, laying there on the bed, getting crushed and prodded. My body floated above the scene, accepting the calm waves that washed over me as I separated myself. Soon I was flying, high above everything left behind. I left that shell and I didn’t look back. I couldn’t look back.

When I woke up, Kat was standing at my bed with a plate, nudging me. Sunlight bathed the room in gold and I shifted my weight. “Ohhh,” I cried out.

The pain between my legs and in my stomach was unreal. I squished my eyes together instead of screaming so I didn’t scare Kat.

She put the plate on the floor next to the bed. Peanut butter and jelly. “Adam said you should get up Brooke, because you’ve been sleeping for two days.”

“Two days?”

Kat nodded.

I tried to remember everything that had happened but a wave of nausea forced me not to. The pain must have been so intense I passed out, I knew that much. I limped into the bathroom and refused to look in the mirror while I undressed.

Hot water ran down my body and nursed the pain away. It washed away the blood, and the tears. It washed my soul. I scrubbed my arms, chest, neck and legs. Water rushed at my face and I let it pour over me and pool at my feet. I watched it go down the drain, to make sure that nothing was left of the other night.

I changed clothes and pulled a sweatshirt on. I noticed my bedroom door had been replaced, perfectly new, like nothing happened. Downstairs Adam and Thomas flicked through channels. “Geeze Brooke, you’re the only one who’s allowed to sleep for two days and not get in trouble for it.” Adam shook his head. “Judd called you six times. Tell your boyfriend he doesn’t need to call so much, it was making Dad mad.”

I poured a glass of water and steadied myself. Dad walked into the kitchen and I gripped the side of the counter. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. His face was composed, normal even. He stared at me.

“You okay snuggle bug? Must have not been feeling well to sleep that long huh?” He picked up a glass and took a lengthy sip. “I told Mom you must have had the flu or something since you threw up in your sleep.” He lowered his voice. “You’re feeling better now though, right?”

I couldn’t process what he was saying. I knew I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t. How can he stand there in front of me and pretend like nothing happened? Like he is having a completely ordinary conversation with his daughter? This can’t be normal. I squeezed my legs together for confirmation that the other night had happened. That I was dragged from my room in my sleep, and it wasn’t a dream like I wanted it to be.

Pain shot up through my thighs and stomach. My lips parted to scream at him. To tell him that he couldn’t do this. I caught sight of my siblings sitting in the living room. The idea of me resisting and my siblings being his next target was unbearable. I was their only protection, the only one who knew what he was capable of. My shoulders slumped, and I stared at the ground. I didn’t have a choice. To care for them, I couldn’t say a word.

I lifted my head and watched his gaze run over my face. He was waiting for confirmation that the secret we had was still protected, still safe.

“Right,” I said. I tried to hide the defeat from my voice. “Whatever you say, Dad.”

Freshman year of high school is when I got my first job working as a telemarketer. Technically I didn’t have my working papers yet, so I forged the year I was born on the application after seeing the hire sign in their window. The hiring manager scanned me several times when I handed it in, and he asked me if I had ever been in sales. I told him I could sell him the Brooklyn Bridge if he taught me how. I was hired on the spot.

“Brooke, where ya goin’?” Judd pushed one of his friends aside and jogged over to me. “You wanna come over? School’s over soon, I want to get the pool opened.”

“I can’t, I work till nine.” I pushed my honors English book into my locker and pulled out my three ring binder.

“You always work. And you always study.” He picked up a heavy science book, made a face and put it back in my locker.

“Yea, maybe you should try it sometime.” Cristin appeared and opened the locker next to me. “Then you wouldn’t have to cheat off my tests all the time.”

“Ahh come on Cristin, you know I’m not looking at your answers. You’re just so, so beautiful, I can’t help staring at you in class.”

Cristin rolled her eyes and I covered my mouth to stifle the laugher.

“Besides, if I wanted to really impress the parentals, I would sign up for all honors classes like Miss Perfect over here and copy off her answers.” He nodded at me.

The blow to his arm probably didn’t hurt like I wanted it to. “You wish you could keep up with me in those classes,” I said.

“Yea okay, later uglies.” Judd turned on his heel and fled after Mack who was mocking him from across the hall.

“You going to work?” Cristin threw her book bag over her shoulder.

“Yep. If I get top rep of the week again it’ll be a nice paycheck.”

“Good,” Cristin eyed me, “Then we can go shopping before you disappear into those clothes. What are you, a size one?”

“Double zero,” I corrected. I pulled my bag over my shoulder and gripped the books that wouldn’t fit in my bag close to my chest. “Gotta go though, see ya tomorrow.”