Wang Anyi - The Song of Everlasting Sorrow

Their jovial banter was interrupted by the guests, who had come bearing gifts. Madame Yan brought a pound of cashmere yarn, and Kang Mingxun a pair of gold ingots. Wang Qiyao wanted to tell him that he shouldn’t have given such an expensive gift, but was worried that Madame Yan would take that as a sign that her gift wasn’t lavish enough, so she decided to accept them both and save her misgivings for another day. Everyone went inside to see the baby before dinner and they all commented on how precious she looked. Since there were four of them, it worked out perfectly when they sat down at the table, one person on each side.

This was the first time that Mr. Cheng had met the evening’s guests. Madame Yan had taken note of him, but he had never noticed her, and he had only passed Kang Mingxun on the staircase, when neither could get a good look at the other. Wang Qiyao made the introductions and they proceeded with dinner as if they were all acquainted. Madame Yan already had a good impression of Mr. Cheng and was especially friendly toward him; it wasn’t long before she felt like they were old friends. Although Mr. Cheng was a bit overwhelmed by her warmth, he realized she had nothing but the best intentions. Kang Mingxun, on the other hand, was stiff and subdued. He said little, focusing on the warm rice wine. They finished off the first bottle rather quickly and started on a second. Mr. Cheng excused himself so he could go to the kitchen to prepare another dish, but seeing he was a bit tipsy, Wang Qiyao put her hand on his shoulder, motioning him to sit back down, and insisted that she take care of it. He gently caressed the hand on his shoulder, but she instinctively pulled it away. Kang Mingxun, in spite of himself, flashed Mr. Cheng a rather sharp glance. The effect on Mr. Cheng was instantaneously sobering.

Wang Qiyao returned to the table with the new dish she had just whipped up. By then even Madame Yan, whose cheeks were red, was getting a bit tipsy. She proposed a toast to Mr. Cheng, declaring him a rare gentleman and even quoting the old adage, “It’s easier to find ten thousand ounces of gold than a true friend who can really understand you.” Her words were inappropriate to the occasion; obviously, alcohol was bringing out some hidden truths. Not content to propose a toast on her own, she insisted that Kang Mingxun also drink to Mr. Cheng. Kang Mingxun raised his cup but didn’t know quite what to say. As the rest of the party waited anxiously, he finally came out with something that sounded even more inappropriate.

“Here’s to Mr. Cheng soon finding matrimonial bliss!”

Mr. Cheng accepted their toast with equanimity and a “thank you.” Then, turning to Wang Qiyao, he asked if she had anything to say. Wang Qiyao was a bit disconcerted by the unfamiliar glint in his eyes — she wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or something else — so she put on a placating smile.

“Naturally, I should have been the first one to toast Mr. Cheng. Just as Madame Yan said, it is easier to find ten thousand ounces of gold than a true friend. No one else here understands me the way Mr. Cheng does. He has always been there for me during my most difficult times. And for all the mistakes I have made, he has always forgiven me. I owe him a debt of gratitude that I will never be able to repay.”

Conscious that it was the alcohol that had emboldened her to open up, Mr. Cheng couldn’t help being at once deeply disappointed and hurt by her words; all she spoke of was gratitude, with not a word about love. On the brink of tears, he lowered his head. Only after a long pause did he manage to force a smile and say, “Hey, we’re not here to celebrate my one-month birthday! Why is everyone toasting me? Drinking to Wang Qiyao would be more like it!”

And so, with Madame Yan leading the way, they all toasted Wang Qiyao. But, perhaps because they had all talked too much already, no one had much left to say. So they just drank, one cup after another. Mr. Cheng’s eyes met Kang Mingxun’s once again. They stared mutely at each other, neither fully understanding the circumstances. But the seeds of suspicion had been planted.

Everyone drank more than they should have that evening. Mr. Cheng couldn’t remember how he had seen the guests out or whether he had washed the dishes after they left. He woke up to discover himself on Wang Qiyao’s sofa, a thin blanket draped over him. Leftover food was still on the table, and the room was filled with the sweet and sour fragrance of rice wine. The moon shining through the curtains on his face was cool as water. He felt utterly at peace as he watched the moonlight dancing on the curtain; he decided to let his mind go blank and not worry about anything that had happened that night.

Suddenly he heard a gentle voice ask, “Would you care for some tea?”

He followed the voice and saw Wang Qiyao lying in bed across the room. She had also woken up, but her face was obscured by the shadows and Mr. Cheng could only make out her silhouette. Mr. Cheng did not feel awkward; on the contrary, he was filled with a sense of serenity.

“I’m so embarrassed!” he said.

Wang Qiyao responded with a silent laugh. “You fell asleep with your head on the table. It took the three of us to get you onto the sofa.”

“I drank too much,” he said. “But that was only because I was happy.”

After a silence, Wang Qiyao responded, “Actually. . you drank so much because you were upset. . ”

Mr. Cheng laughed. “What’s there for me to be upset about? I was really happy.”

Neither of them spoke and gradually the moonlight shifted a bit closer. Bathed in the moonlight, Mr. Cheng had the sensation that he was lying in water. Quite some time passed, and he was certain that Wang Qiyao must have long fallen asleep, when she suddenly called out his name. He was surprised to hear her call him.

“What is it?”

Wang Qiyao hesitated before asking, “Can’t you get to sleep?”

“I think I got all the sleep I needed when I passed out earlier!”

“That’s not what I meant. . ”

“I think I know quite well what you meant,” insisted Mr. Cheng.

“I don’t think so. . ”

Mr. Cheng laughed, “Of course I do.”

“If you understand what I meant, then why don’t you tell me…?”

“If that’s what you want, I will then,” replied Mr. Cheng. “You meant that all this time we have been but just one step away from taking our relationship somewhere else. And if I were to take that step, you would not refuse me.”

Wang Qiyao marveled at Mr. Cheng’s perceptiveness, especially since he usually came off so stiff and bookish. Embarrassed, she tried to find an excuse to explain things away. “I know I don’t deserve you. . and that’s why I wanted to wait for you to make the first move.”

Mr. Cheng laughed again. He felt extremely relaxed, as if floating on air. When he spoke, it felt almost as if someone else was doing the talking, but the words that came out were indeed his deepest and most honest inner thoughts.

“We talked about taking that one last step. . Well, I have been waiting practically half my life to take that step. But it’s not as easy as it sounds. Have you ever heard the saying, ‘People can be a short distance away, yet poles apart’? There are a lot of things in life that simply can’t be forced.”

Wang Qiyao remained silent and Mr. Cheng, unconcerned as to whether she was really listening, continued to pour out the feelings he had accumulated inside himself all those years. He explained how he had long ago come to understand this principle. So long as they could be close friends, confidants, he thought, his life would not have been in vain. But once people are together, it is as the saying goes: “A boat sailing against the current must forge ahead or else be driven back.”