Wang Anyi - The Song of Everlasting Sorrow

Stung by this absurd remark, Jiang Lili pressed on with some asperity, “I haven’t even told you the nature of the rumor, yet you are already refuting it.”

Mr. Cheng’s eyes blinked behind his glasses. He had long since forgotten to row and the boat was going around in circles. Jiang Lili was almost ready to let the matter drop, but on second thought reflected that there might not be another chance like this. Lowering her voice, she told Mr. Cheng everything that she had heard and seen. Mr. Cheng proceeded to row steadily. He did not shed any tears, but his actions became stiff and wooden, as if he had been transformed into a marionette. On reaching shore, he laid the oar against a large stone, tied the boat, and walked off, oblivious that there was a Jiang Lili still sitting there. Jiang Lili scrambled ashore and ran after him with his walking stick. She found him standing in the woods facing a tree. She walked closer, meaning to complain, but saw that he was weeping.

“Mr. Cheng!” Jiang Lili called him softly. It became apparent that he simply did not hear her. Jiang Lili tugged lightly at his sleeve, but he gave no response.

Sighing, Jiang Lili said, “You’re so upset. What should I do?”

It was only then that Mr. Cheng turned around to look at her.

“I may as well die. .” he mumbled dejectedly.

Jiang Lili found herself crying. So she was not even a worthy rival to death! To her surprise, Mr. Cheng took her in his arms, and put his head against hers. She instinctively returned his embrace. Hope arose in her breast as she sniffed the scent of his hair tonic on his collar. Even though this hope was squeezed forcibly out of Mr. Cheng’s hopelessness, it was still hope.

In the days afterward Mr. Cheng no longer spoke of Wang Qiyao, nor did Jiang Lili. They went out every week. Whether they went to dinner or a movie, they always avoided places the three of them had gone to together, or those that Mr. Cheng had gone to alone with Wang Qiyao. They tried to steer clear of Wang Qiyao, but it was not easy. Every time they got together they felt they were doing something behind her back. Wang Qiyao had occupied a large space in each of their hearts, leaving only the edges for their relationship. Nonetheless, the feelings they had for each other were genuine: no deception or pretension there. Needless to say, Jiang Lili truly loved Mr. Cheng while he, at the minimum, did not find her objectionable. On top of that, he felt a certain gratitude, on behalf of himself and of Wang Qiyao. It was the tenderness of a brother toward a sister, a real tenderness.

For a time they saw each other almost every day, even showing up together at parties and gatherings among their relatives and friends, appearing as a couple for whom marriage was but a matter of time. This was a time of healing and calm. There were no extravagant hopes, just quiet planning along sensible lines. Mr. Cheng often dined at the Jiang house, and even the automaton-like young master of the house managed to say a few polite words to him. On Jiang Lili’s twentieth birthday her father came out to Shanghai from the interior. Solemn introductions took place, and the two men were left with good impressions of one another. Even though Mr. Cheng had not proposed formally, they spoke with each other as if they were one family. Jiang Lili’s mother began to mull over the upcoming wedding, wondering what kind of cheongsam to wear at the banquet. As she recalled her own wedding, her joy was mixed with sorrow.

In the midst of these heartwarming activities, Jiang Lili was fretful. Even when Mr. Cheng was with her, he still remained somewhat aloof. The more she got from him, the more dissatisfied she grew. By nature domineering, she had furthermore been brought up with a strong sense of entitlement. Circumstances had forced her to be tolerant for a time, but it was not a situation she could live with in the long run. Her natural tendency was to either advance or retreat; moderation was just not her style. She became extremely demanding of Mr. Cheng, especially in matters concerning Wang Qiyao, whose importance she tended to blow out of all proportion. At first she allowed a fuzzy area to exist around that forbidden territory, only fretting in private. Soon, however, she brought the fight out into the open.

One day, as they headed toward a department store on foot to buy gift certificates for a friend, Jiang Lili, annoyed at Mr. Cheng’s inattentiveness, followed his eyes to a pedicab, wherein sat a young woman in a cape enthroned among her purchases. It took her a few minutes to digest what had occurred, but when she did, Jiang Lili suddenly stopped talking. Roused from his reverie, Mr. Cheng asked why she had stopped.

“Oh,” Jiang Lili responded coldly, “I mistook that lady for Wang Qiyao and completely forgot what I was saying.”

Peeved at having his daydream exposed, Mr. Cheng merely kept quiet. This was the first time Wang Qiyao’s name had come up in their conversation since the day on the lake, and over them hung a sense of an invisible line being crossed, of skeletons being brought out of the closet. Taking Mr. Cheng’s silence to be an admission of guilt, Jiang Lili became incensed. She lost all interest in gift certificates and immediately hailed a pedicab to go home, leaving Mr. Cheng on the street. Contrite, Mr. Cheng blamed himself for not being more careful. He continued on alone to buy the certificates at the Xianshi Department Store, and, to placate Jiang Lili, also bought some pine nut candies at Caizhi Zhai. He took the trolley to her house. Jiang Lili was sitting in the living room, but upon his arrival ran upstairs to her bedroom and locked the door. Mr. Cheng did not want to raise his voice and spoke softly to her through the door, to no avail. Just as he finally gave up and was about to leave, the key turned and the door opened. There she was, her eyes swollen as large as peaches from crying. Mr. Cheng had to console her a thousand times, and it was dusk before she was mollified.

Once something happens, it tends to happen again. Gradually, Wang Qiyao became a mantra that Jiang Lili invoked all the time. Sometimes she was right — he was thinking of Wang Qiyao — but other times she was dead wrong. Mr. Cheng was unfailingly apologetic. After a while, Mr. Cheng himself became confused. Perhaps there was really no room for anyone else in his heart aside from Wang Qiyao. What might have faded away naturally over time became etched in stone. Mr. Cheng had indeed suffered grievously from his love for Wang Qiyao, but he had resigned himself to losing her. Now Jiang Lili practically taught him that he could still think freely of Wang Qiyao and let her presence remain with him day and night. Reclusive by nature, he would let his thoughts wander back to Wang Qiyao whenever he was alone. He resumed his interest in photography, taking pictures of scenery, objects, and architectural structures, but no human figures. That space he reserved for Wang Qiyao alone. He saw less and less of Jiang Lili.

Initially, Jiang Lili would not call him. When he finally came around to phone or visit, she would pretend to ignore him, even declining to see him, partly because she was still sore and partly because she was deploying the old stratagem of disarming the opponent while pretending to let him go. But when Mr. Cheng stopped calling altogether, Jiang Lili panicked. She started to call him. She felt better when she heard his voice, but that did not prevent her from remaining angry. Even when they did manage to get together, they seemed always to part unhappily. After a few instances of this, Mr. Cheng even started to decline some of her invitations to go out. They were thus back to square one — both were discouraged that their sincerity and efforts had come to naught. Jiang Lili, however, could not come to terms with this; she refused to believe that this was happening to her. Rebuffs from Mr. Cheng only provoked her to take further action, propelling her to call him again and again, until she was forced to acknowledge defeat.