Wang Anyi - The Song of Everlasting Sorrow

Naturally she understood Jiang Lili’s heart. As long as she wasn’t blinded by passion, there wasn’t anything a sensitive girl like Wang Qiyao couldn’t see. She even understood the heart of Jiang Lili’s mother, an incompetent woman who needed to consult Wang Qiyao on everything, no matter how trivial — at least before Mr. Cheng came along. When Mrs. Jiang had to attend a relative’s wedding, she used the pretext that Wang Qiyao wasn’t feeling good to get Mr. Cheng to accompany them to the banquet. Her transparent actions left Wang Qiyao feeling at once angry, bemused, and sorry for her. Whenever things like this occurred, Wang Qiyao knew she had to step aside and let the Jiangs have their way. This time the problem was that if she didn’t go, neither would Mr. Cheng. In the end, all four of them attended together so that Mrs. Jiang would not lose face. Throughout the evening, Wang Qiyao never left Mrs. Jiang’s side, while keeping open the seat next to Mr. Cheng, which Jiang Lili dutifully filled. By bringing together Jiang Lili and Mr. Cheng, Wang Qiyao was partially setting things up for her own retreat. It was also her way of looking out for Jiang Lili and her mother, as well as an opportunity to sit back and laugh at them. She knew better than anyone that Mr. Cheng had already invested his heart in her, which gave her self-esteem a padding she could always fall back on. Although it was painful to see Jiang Lili throwing herself against a brick wall, it was also a means for Wang Qiyao to vent some of her own pent-up resentment.

Mr. Cheng never knew what she was thinking. She had a complicated mind, one made more complex by her situation. Mr. Cheng had unwittingly fallen into a labyrinth, wherein he was constantly chasing after Wang Qiyao, but somehow always ending up in Jiang Lili’s company. Mr. Cheng was a straightforward man who never overanalyzed his surroundings. He thought of Jiang Lili and her mother only as warmhearted people and, although they sometimes seemed to go a bit overboard, he never suspected that anything else was afoot. So he repaid their warmheartedness in kind, never imagining his innocent actions would take him down a path he did not wish to follow.

Who knows how many times Jiang Lili shed tears over Mr. Cheng? Mr. Cheng either paying a little extra attention to her or neglecting her was reason enough for her to run back to her room to cry. Her room had been fixed up by then. The books were all neatly shelved and in proper order. The teacups were washed every day. She was constantly replacing her old phonograph records with the latest ones, mostly romantic serenades; Hanging at the head of her bed were a few hand-embroidered fragrant pouches, the handiwork of Wang Qiyao; inside her wardrobe were bright, colorful new clothes, all conforming to Mr. Cheng’s tastes. The room had a lively atmosphere, a mild, docile, and amiable temperament, a mood of expectation. She had written many words never to be seen by another, all hidden away in her diary, which she kept bundled in a crimson silk cloth. She could never see things clearly, sometimes because she had been blinded by love, and other times because she was too wrapped up in her own feeling of entitlement. She had power over Wang Qiyao and it seemed only natural that this power should carry over to Wang Qiyao’s friends. But even she was a bit hazy when it came to this entitlement and couldn’t figure out just how much was real and how much existed in name only. Which part was rightfully hers? And which part was owing to a fair trade they had made? Ever since her childhood Jiang Lili had been accustomed to getting her way, which in the end set her up for a fall.

When it got to the point that Jiang Lili couldn’t stand the torment anymore, she would pour her heart out to Wang Qiyao. It was the kind of melodramatic venting one reads of in novels. As she spoke, she often skipped over entire sentences and her words failed to convey what she wanted to say, but those were precisely the moments when she revealed her true feelings. This distressed Wang Qiyao and left her at an utter loss for words. It would have been wrong to rain on her parade at that moment, but even more irresponsible to encourage her. The situation was extremely difficult to negotiate diplomatically, and it was hard too to speak the truth. Wang Qiyao had no choice but to let Lili carry on as she pleased and refrain from taking any position at all herself. However, after Jiang Lili began to incessantly solicit her advice about Mr. Cheng, Wang Qiyao was forced to agree that he wasn’t half bad. But when pushed further, she added, “But he is a bit bookish. .”

“He’s not bookish,” Jiang Lili retorted. “It’s called being refined . .” Seeing how infatuated she was, Wang Qiyao would sometimes drop Jiang Lili a little hint, telling her things like, “Everything comes down to fate. If you don’t have that on your side, all efforts will be in vain.”

Hearing those words, Jiang Lili could no longer contain her joy. “That’s right,” she replied. “I often think about how big a role coincidence actually plays. It was just chance that you and I met, and then you brought Mr. Cheng into my life — this kind of coincidence is fate!”

Sighing in private, Wang Qiyao told herself that she had fulfilled her obligation and that from here on out none of their affairs would have anything to do with her.

Everything boiled down to the final round of the pageant. They felt that as soon as the day came, everything would be clarified. And so their entire focus was on getting to that day. Once it arrived, however, they discovered that nothing was as it had seemed. Looking up, they realized that even though several years, several decades could all be revealed in an instant, they would remain in the dark for awhile yet. That night the three of them — one from the stage and two from the audience — would find that the focus of all their dedication and hard work was now out of their hands and up to the whims of fate; there was something sad and moving about this. The stage was filled with girls, but those two sitting out in the audience only had eyes for one. They had invested so much in this pageant that it was impossible for them to make any objective judgment. They felt like prisoners about to be executed, with no other choice but to wait there helplessly for the end to come, for the hand of fate to descend.

During round 3, Mr. Cheng was nearly brought to tears when he saw Wang Qiyao in her wedding gown. Here was the apparition he had been yearning for day and night, the dream he had hoped would never end. Jiang Lili also became teary-eyed, but in that wedding dress she saw not Wang Qiyao but herself. To Lili this was no dream, but a vision of her own future. At that second, as the three of them, on stage and off, faced one another, their eyes glistening with tears, their hearts were miles apart. At that last climactic moment Jiang Lili impulsively grabbed hold of Mr. Cheng’s hand. Mr. Cheng didn’t resist, but neither did he reciprocate, as his attention remained fully focused on the stage. His entire body was numb, not to mention his hands. When it was announced that Wang Qiyao had won the honor of third place, Mr. Cheng instinctively stood up. He momentarily squeezed Jiang Lili’s hand before withdrawing his own so that he could applaud with all his might. Jiang Lili also applauded. She felt as if she had been struck by lightning, and she blushed.

In that moment the evening seemed to have come to a perfect finish. Although Wang Qiyao had not been awarded the top honor, coming in third place somehow felt more solid. The passionate couple in the audience each seemed to have caught a glimmer of hope. That night Mr. Cheng and Jiang Lili waited in the lobby as Wang Qiyao was being photographed and interviewed. The scent of the carnations in the lobby had begun to wane; the crimson and white colors were no longer quite as bright; the blossoms were beginning to wither, strewing their petals all over the floor. The show was winding down. The lobby lights were the last lingering vestiges of brilliance, and the atmosphere of expectation had dissipated. The traffic on the street had died down, but dumpling vendors had quietly appeared on the sidewalks: a late-night scene.