Nicholas Mosley - Hopeful Monsters

There was one member of The Maccabees called Albrecht who was a small angry boy of great energy: it was he who seemed to be stirring himself up to challenge a member of The Corps to a duel. He was singing his Zionist song more loudly than the others; he was banging his mug down on the table so violently that bits of beer seemed to hang in the air like spittle.

I said 'But Minna, do you know how to fight a duel?'

Minna said 'I have achieved my silver medal at fencing!'

I said 'But they won't fight you.'

Minna said 'Then I will hit them over the head with one of their sticks.'

It was a convention amongst Jews that if a member of a Jewish fraternity challenged a member of a non-Jewish fraternity to a duel and the member of the non-Jewish fraternity refused the challenge, then the Jew should hit the non-Jew over the head with his stick; and then a general melee would be likely to ensue, in which Jews might feel that they had salvaged their honour, if not in the conventional manner.

I said 'Minna, do you know what happened when Penthesilia, Queen of the Amazons, challenged Achilles to a duel?'

Minna said 'I know very well, she tore him to pieces.'

I said 'And she ate him.'

Minna said 'Oh I would like to eat Franz!'

The contortions of the innkeeper's daughter were becoming even more outlandish (I was thinking — Songs are such obvious substitutes for sexuality!); The Maccabees had embarked on the Zionist National Anthem, the Hatikvah. (I was thinking — And what should Minna and I sing? The Lorelei? The siren-song that lured poor sailors to their doom?) Then after one of the boys at The Corps' table had sung a particularly obscene verse, Albrecht, at the Maccabees' table, jumped up and went to The Corps' table and stood to attention and said in a loud voice 'I consider such obscenity in front of ladies to be proof, if any further proof were needed, that you are dishonourable men' and he clicked his heels, as if he were a small tree being axed. The noise in the beer-cellar subsided. People were watching the boy at The Corps' table who had sung the last obscene verse: this boy seemed to be too drunk to stand up. Franz was tilted back as if on his tightrope. The boy who had sung the obscene verse

at last managed to murmur 'I don't give satisfaction to Jews' — which was the formula for refusing such a challenge. So Albrecht raised his stick as if to hit the boy over the head with it. Then Minna stood up and said in a loud voice 'And we don't need you to protect ladies, thank you.' Albrecht said 'What?' I thought — Oh Minna, Minna! For a moment we all seemed stuck like flies on a flypaper. Then Minna walked over to Albrecht and tapped him on the shoulder. He stared at Minna. The boy at The Corps' table belched. Everybody laughed. Minna said 'I feel myself insulted; can I please have your card?' This was the formula for the challenge to a duel. Albrecht said 'You?' Minna said 'Yes.' Albrecht said 'But I was trying to defend you.' Minna said 'That is why I am insulted.' Albrecht looked round at the members of The Corps, who were looking embarrassed. Albrecht said 'But, Minna, I can't fight you.' Minna said 'Why not?' Then — 'He won't fight you because you're a Jew.' Albrecht said 'But you're a woman.' Minna said 'You see?' Then she took Albrecht's stick from his hand and made as if to hit him over the head with it.

Then Franz stood up and said 'I will fight you.'

Minna said 'Me?'

Franz said 'No, Albrecht.' Then to Albrecht — 'It's me you really want to fight, isn't it?'

Albrecht said 'Yes.'

Minna said 'But what about me?'

Franz said 'All right, Minna, I will fight you too.'

Minna said 'Will you really?'

Franz stood up and came round the table. The boy who had sung the last obscene verse was trying to stand up. Franz said to him 'Will you be my second?' The boy said 'Yes.' Franz said 'Make all the arrangements for tomorrow morning.' Then he bowed in front of Albrecht. Albrecht bowed. Then Franz held out a hand to Minna. Minna said 'But I was going to fight Albrecht.' Franz said 'Please will you fight me.' He put his arm round her shoulder. Then he turned to me and said 'Will you be our second?' I thought — Oh, Franz, you have done it! Then Franz and Minna and I went out into the night.

There was a full moon: we went a short way up the path that led into the hills. There was a gate into a field: the field was on the slope between the forest and the town. We went into it. The moon made the air silvery; the grass and the trees were black. I thought -

Perhaps we have gone into a world that has been turned the right way up, from what normally goes on upside down.

Minna took off her clothes and lay on the grass. Franz sat beside her with his arms round his knees. I sat slightly apart. We looked down on the town.

Franz said 'You see why I should like the human race to be wiped out.'

I said 'You think men have to fight?'

He said 'If they are to keep their honour.'

I said 'Do they have to keep their honour?'

He said 'They have little else.'

Minna had stood and was stretching her arms above her head; then with straight legs she put her hands on the ground: it was as if she was doing obeisance to the moon.

I said 'You're a physicist; perhaps you will be able to obliterate the world soon.'

He stretched out a hand towards the lights of the town. He said as if quoting — 'I am Lazarus come from the dead.'

I lay back. I thought — Well, why should not something new be happening on this strange planet?

Franz said 'In our home village, which is near Munich, during the street-fighting that happened just after the real war, the White faction took some of the Red faction prisoners. There was one prisoner, a ringleader I suppose, who had been wounded; he was in pain, he kept on yelling; he would bang his head against a wall, trying to die. So his captors got a carpenter to build a very small cage into which they packed him so that his head was down by his knees and he could no longer bang it; he could hardly scream. He made small noises like a bird. They put him in the courtyard of the police station and people came to look at him. Sometimes people pissed on him. When they did this, he was almost peaceful.'

Minna was bent over in the light of the moon. She was like some huge queen bee, an egg. There were some cows or bulls or bullocks in the field; they were coming towards her; they were black shapes, breathing.

I thought — I will try to imagine the man in the cage.

Franz said 'But this is not really the strangest part of the story. Afterwards, when the man was dead, some of the guards, when they were drunk, would play a game in which one would crawl into the cage and some of the others would stand on top of it and

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piss on him. Perhaps they got some sort of peace like this. Perhaps they needed it.'

I thought — But like this, you do not get peace!

Franz shouted 'Minna!'

Minna was walking forwards, with her arms out, towards the herd of cows, or bullocks, or perhaps a bull. I thought — You mean we are all like that man in the cage? Then — It is true that the world is so awful that I would not want to have a child!

There was an enormous black animal that had come to sniff at Minna. She stood facing it, naked, with her arms by her side. I thought — Oh but there is still something that we can learn, if we are brave, we humans.

I said 'But there is a different sort of honour now. Don't we have to start again? I mean the whole human race perhaps start again — '

He said 'Can we?'

I said 'You can tell that story — '

Franz laughed and said 'Nellie!' Then he turned and shouted 'Minna!'

Minna had put out a hand as if to take hold of the horns of the cow or bullock or bull. She seemed to be talking to the animal, stroking its horns.