Norman Rush - Whites

Those maids said I was no more than a toy of late. I made no reply. Mma Wren must keep her eyeglasses enchained about her neck and fix her watch to her breast with pins and as well with a chain for safety, and now she must have a follower at every step. In part, it was true. Mma Wren was forever searching up mislaid things with my help. Nothing was safe from her mislayings. Soon she stated I may search up items in her storeroom and bedroom, at her order. I was uneasy and in straits, because it seemed God was trying me anew, as I could freely take some thing and only say that it was lost, full stop. At that, I am a thief, full made. She said Your young eyes can find out every thing.

Most slowly we made four books full with many senseless pictures of small boys, all kind of mothers and fathers together with children. By little, I said Can we now and again bring in some pictures of musicians? She said it would be pleasing, and said Do you love music? I said What! I am great as to singing and all such things. I told how I wished to know music and instruments but was forced from school. I said You can see my voice. I sang two hymns.

Because at times I was idling there, I fell to more reasoning as to God’s ways. When I set myself against thieving, always God punished me, I said. And if I go near to thieving, as with Alias and Rra Jarvis for his posters, always I am saved, I said. I saw God’s doing in these endless mislayings, as a sign to me. I saw I must block this. I said perhaps if once you obey Him, He could be pleased and ask no more of you. I said if only one time God can see me a thief full-made, and see me then in straits, lamenting, He shall know His error. I said I must be as grieving mothers, or some wronged people, crying.

Rra Wren said I was fine, praising me. He said I was a jewel found. I said Many thanks. In fact, it was strange to me. If you discuss some theme, she could rise up flat and go from the room before you answer. Where did she go? To any place, to unknown rooms, about the drive, oftentimes to the garage, those maids told me. And I must just idle, or set to reading what is at hand. Still it was my best time. I drew her to the piano, by steps. Now she even played me tunes. She said You have fine hands for music. She said You shall study. I should one day read music freely, with her, she said. I saw she was my savior.

So it was then I knew I must be bold, and steal, or again be punished.

What must I take? To deceive God, it must be such as a schoolboy must covet, though I was not at school. It must be of worth and not a mere toy only. Because of danger, it must not be some prized possession of Mma Wren, lest they look straight and foremost to me as one who is at her side by far the most. It must be such as to be missed, yet not so greatly as to call forth police to oppress you. Slowly, I came to it.

It was a case out of leather. I saw it twice or so, in the garage. It was in behind some boards, pushed from view save for its handles at times. You must mount upon a box to feel it. This case was for a rich kind of student. It was old. Withinside, it held only some papers as letters and some crayon pictures from a child. It was not locked.

I took away that school case with ease, leaving no sign. I hid it for safekeeping in a hole prepared far off. I was unseen, I know it.

So I went to Bastiaan to say I must depart for two days, Saturday and Sunday, for a funeral at Mochudi. He was unkind, saying it was bad, as Rra Wren was gone to Maun for some days. But I said I am strained and I must. So he said he would allow it only for this, that he knew I would in all cases lead Mma Wren to say go. He said I must not stay off above two nights.

I went to Molepolole, not Mochudi as I told Bastiaan. Because I am too tall I can be in hotels. I stayed three nights at Slayer of Hunger Hotel — Mafenya Tlala Hotel. They said I must pay beforehand. I did. My saved money was fast going.

As to meals, I ate little, for proving to God I am oppressed even up to my hunger, even when on every hand they are eating chicken peri-peri and such things. One day I ate nothing. Over Sunday I ate mere soup and some ground-nuts, at most. I was just lingering in sorrow, waiting long hours in my chalet. I read St. Joseph . My scheme was to go at the last to visit Livingstone Tree that is in Molepolole. It is where Livingstone brought God and Christ upon the Batswana by his preaching. I schemed to stand nearby that tree, all sorrowing, because such a place must be at all times under God’s view. When I saw that tree, what! I saw names carved freely in its side. But I saw these were names of Europeans. I said what! they have set their names down to be cursed hereafter, why? It was surprising to me. I lingered about. I said, loud, I can hang myself from this suffering, I can hang myself to this tree, even. Slowly I went away.

Yet one day farther I stayed at Molepolole, lamenting. I broke my pledge to Bastiaan. I said God must see me faced with sacking rathermore than going freely back to that place where I am now a thief. I hid from God my scheme to put that case back, in fact, as soon as I may.

Tuesday I returned back. It was late. At once I was trembling an amount, for I saw police about, and many vehicles. I was afraid. Many lights were switched on.

I said to the women What has happened? All within the house was coming and going, but no staff could be there, only Bastiaan. Bibiana said They say we are unworthy, yet at most we obeyed our mistress and now we shall be punished. Time and again I asked them to tell me what has happened.

They told me that days past Mma Wren came searching all about for some mislaid thing, but not as when a thing was mislaid in times past, because she would not say what was this thing, but only said over again to staff that they already know and must surrender it to her. Over again she refused to name this thing and thus aid them any way. She said it was precious. She accused them the more, if they said she was misled. She accused Bastiaan, in time, as well. In fact, she sacked him, commanding him to go away in his clothes. He was trying long hours to ring up Maun to find Rra Wren, with no success because those lines were down as always. She banished him off. She was gone mad with searching. Those women saw him go with pleasure, I know it. They hated him. They said Let him return back to white-rule South Africa, where he was reared amidst snakes.

Sunday Mma Wren came forth at sunrise to awaken them. She was quiet, no longer raging and hard. She said they must not go to church, but rather aid her in some task of importance. She said We must not store up possessions in our life, as you can find in scripture. She said you must give your goods out. She said I am punished, now I must do it.

So at once she carried out countless things to set before those women, saying to take them from the face of the earth. At times she would bear many items to them, as towels and cushions. At times she would carry them one item, down to a spoon. Those maids say they warned against it many times, but failed, but yet why did they summon friends to come from nearby? Food was carried out. Goods flew like sand across the fence: shoes, knives, a clock. At every turn, the women said Is it your order that we take this thing away? and always she agreed. They are clever. Some guys who came said to Mma Wren, Can you carry me some tools, Mma? But those maids crushed them to silence. They said No one shall ask any goods beforehand. They said She is serving God in this way.

Those women are of differing churches. Sunday one pastor came, and then another, seeking gifts for God. One came with men for bearing loads. There are many tales of men swiftly bearing off chairs and tables with no one hailing them to say, What! It is because they are clever and went by the back paths and not where cars could mark them. And much was taken as from Monday, very early, before Europeans rise and see from their windows. A pastor came to thank Mma Wren for helping Africans with enriching of their churches so as to gain level some day with Europeans, because without such aid they must always remain poor.