A red-faced Xerxes admitted, “My men have become women, and my women men!”
Meanwhile, far from there, a boy named Herodotus had his fifth birthday.
Some time later, he would tell this story.
September 20. FEMALE CHAMPIONS
In the year 2003 the fourth Women’s World Cup took place.
At the end of the tournament, the Germans were the champions. In 2007 they won the world trophy a second time.
It was no walk down the garden path.
From 1955 to 1970 soccer had been forbidden to German women.
The German Football Association explained why: “In fighting for the ball feminine elegance vanishes, and both body and soul inevitably suffer damage. Displaying the body violates etiquette and decency.”
September 21. PROPHET OF HIMSELF
Girolamo Cardano wrote treatises on algebra and medicine, found the solutions to several unsolvable equations, was the first to describe typhoid fever, researched the causes of allergies and invented several instruments still in use by navigators.
In his spare time he made prophecies.
When he did an astrological chart for Jesus of Nazareth that showed his fate had been written in the stars, the Holy Inquisition put him in prison.
Upon his release, Girolamo prophesied, “I shall die on September 21, 1576.”
From that moment, he stopped eating.
And he hit the mark.
September 22. CAR-FREE DAY
Today, for one day, environmentalists and other irresponsible people want automobiles to disappear from the world.
A day without cars? Suppose it’s contagious and that day becomes every day?
God doesn’t want that and neither does the Devil.
Hospitals and cemeteries would lose their biggest clients.
The streets would be taken over by ridiculous cyclists and pathetic people on foot.
Lungs could no longer inhale the tastiest of poisons.
Feet, having forgotten how to walk, would trip over every pebble.
Silence would deafen all ears.
Highways would become depressing deserts.
Radio, television, magazines and newspapers would lose their most generous advertisers.
Oil-producing countries would face poverty.
Corn and sugar, now food for cars, would return to the humble human table.
They called her the Mulata de Córdoba, and no one knows why. She was a mulatta, but she was born in the port of Veracruz and lived there always.
They said she was a witch. Back around the year 1600 or so, the touch of her hands cured the ill and crazed the healthy.
Suspecting that she was possessed by the Devil, the Holy Inquisition locked her up in the fort on the island of San Juan de Ulúa.
In her cell she found a coal left behind from some long-ago fire.
With that coal she started doodling on the wall and her hand, wanting to without wanting to, drew a ship. And the ship broke free of the wall and carried the prisoner to the open sea.
September 24. THE INVENTOR MAGICIAN
In the year 1912 Harry Houdini showed off his new trick at the Busch Circus in Berlin:
The Chinese water torture cell!
The most original invention of all time!
It was a tank filled to the brim with water, then hermetically sealed after Houdini was lowered in upside down with his wrists and ankles shackled. Through glass, the audience could watch him under water, not breathing for what seemed like centuries, until the drowned man somehow managed to make his escape.
Houdini could not have known that many years later this form of asphyxiation would become the preferred torture of Latin America’s dictatorships, or the one most praised by the expert George W. Bush.
September 25. THE INQUISITIVE SAGE
Miguel Ignacio Lillo never went to college, but book by book he built a science library that filled his entire house.
On a day like today around 1915, a few students from Tucumán spent a long afternoon in that house of books, and they wanted to know how Don Miguel managed to keep them in such fine condition.
“My books breathe the air,” the sage explained. “I open them. I open them and ask them questions. Reading is asking questions.”
Don Miguel asked questions of his books and he asked many more of the world.
For the joy of asking questions, he traveled by horseback all over northern Argentina, step by step, hand’s breadth by hand’s breadth. That’s how he learned secrets that the map conceals, old ways of speaking and living, birdsongs that cities ignore, wild pharmacies that display their wares in the open fields.
Not a few birds and plants were named by him.
September 26. WHAT WAS THE WORLD LIKE WHEN IT WAS BEGINNING TO BE THE WORLD?
Florentino Ameghino was another inquisitive sage.
A paleontologist from childhood, he was still a boy in 1865, more or less, when he assembled his first prehistoric giant in a town in the province of Buenos Aires. On a day like today he emerged from a deep cave weighed down by bones, then in the street he started sorting jaws, vertebrae, hipbones.
“This is a monster from the Mesozoic Era,” he explained to his neighbors. “Really ancient. You can’t imagine how ancient.”
And behind his back Doña Valentina, the butcher, could not keep from laughing: “But sonny. They’re fox bones!”
And they were.
He was not discouraged.
Throughout his life he gathered sixty thousand bones from nine thousand extinct animals, real or imaginary, and he wrote nineteen thousand pages that won him the gold medal and a diploma of honor at the Paris Exposition.
September 27. SOLEMN FUNERAL
During the eleven presidencies of Antonio López de Santa Anna, Mexico lost half its territory and the president lost a leg.
Half of Mexico was gobbled up by the neighbor to the north after a couple of battles and in return for fifteen million dollars. The leg, lost in combat, was buried on this day in 1842 in Santa Paula Cemetery with full military honors.
The president, called Hero, Eagle, His Most Meritorious, Immortal Warrior, Founding Father, His Serene Highness, Napoleon of the West and the Mexican Caesar, lived in a mansion in Xalapa which looked a lot like the palace at Versailles.
The president had all the furniture brought from Paris, even the decorations and knickknacks. In his bedroom he hung an enormous curved mirror, which vastly improved the looks of whomever contemplated his image in it. Every morning upon rising he stood before the magic mirror and it showed him a gentleman: tall, dapper — and honest.
September 28. RECIPE FOR REASSURING READERS
Today is the international day devoted to the human right to information.
Perhaps a good opportunity to recall that, a month or so after atom bombs annihilated Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the New York Times discounted the rumors that were terrifying the world.
On September 12, 1945, the daily published a front-page story by its chief science reporter William L. Laurence, which challenged the alarmist notions head-on. There was no radioactivity whatsoever in those razed cities, the article assured one and all, it’s only “the Japanese continuing their propaganda. ”
That scoop won Laurence the Pulitzer Prize.
Sometime later it came out that he was receiving two monthly paychecks: one from the New York Times , the other from the payroll of the US War Department.
September 29. A DANGEROUS PRECEDENT
In 1948 Seretse Khama, the black prince of Botswana, married Ruth Williams, who was English and white.
No one was happy with the news. The British Crown, lord and master of much of black Africa, named a commission of inquiry to look into the matter. The wedding between two races sets a dangerous precedent, the Judicial Inquiry ruled. The commission’s report was suppressed, and the couple was ordered into exile.
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