Sergio De La Pava - A Naked Singularity

“Good to know.”

“Good, so that’s out of the way. Here’s the agreement so you can look it over until my officers get back. Um, I’m going to step out for a minute. They should be back any second.”

He lingered silently in the threshold just a second before leaving. I didn’t really know what to make of this Dacter guy. Alone in his office, which had four desks but no other humans, I shivered as the wind whipped through the many cracks between faceless air conditioner and inconsistently-painted window. I lent him some thought. Had he said seven, because why then the nerves? By year seven there ought be decidedly less let’s-say-intimacy between attorney and case than the amount he was evincing. So either he was a true incompetent, meaning he possessed more than just the generally accepted level of this trait, or there was something about the info DeLeon was feeding him that had visions of grandeur dancing in this meathead’s head of meat. I would have to find out, would have to induce him to reveal things he shouldn’t. And I loved getting those guys to talk. Oh yeah, they thought, you seem like you’re cool and not really into the adversarial aspect of this job so I’m going to start divulging all sorts of interesting and useful material now — only when you later use that same material against me please do so in a manner that’s all apologetic. Oh and references to the fact that you’re not trying to be difficult are also appreciated.

But wait because what if I was misjudging the whole thing? After all, chances were nobody could be as smart as I thought I was, and fools are often the last to know their status as such. Maybe this clown’s nerves arose from the fact that he was somehow screwing me and my client and was fearful that at any moment I might awaken from my overconfident slumber to say hey, wait just a second . And I then thought it possible that the answer hid in the freshly-printed Queen for a Day agreement I held in my hand. I read it quickly to see. What I read was this:

DEBRIEFING AGREEMENT

With respect to the meeting of Roger P. Dacter, an assistant District Attorney in the Office of the Special Narcotics Prosecutor for the City of New York (“Office”) and/or Detective Adam D’Alessio of the Manhattan North Narcotics Unit with Ramon DeLeon (“Client”) to be held on the date of this memorandum, the following understandings exist:

(1) Should any prosecutions be brought against Client by this Office, this Office will not offer as evidence in its case-in-chief any statement made by Client at the meeting, except in a prosecution for false statements or perjury.

(2) Notwithstanding paragraph one, (a) this Office may use information derived directly or indirectly from Client’s statements at the meeting for the purpose of obtaining leads to other evidence, and if any such evidence is developed, it may be used in any prosecution of Client; and (b) should any prosecution of Client be undertaken, this Office may use statements made by Client at the meeting and all evidence obtained directly or indirectly therefrom for the purpose of cross-examination should Client testify, or to rebut any evidence offered by or on behalf of Client in connection with the prosecution.

(3) Client agrees to waive his right to have his attorney present on his behalf during the meeting.

(4) This agreement is limited to the statements made by Client at the meeting held on this date, and does not apply to any oral, written or recorded statements, made by Client at any other time. No understandings, promises, agreements, or conditions have been entered into with respect to the meeting other than those set forth in this agreement, and none will be entered into unless in writing and signed by all parties.

Which was like the height of routine and so served to simultaneously sate and inflame my suspicion. And it was into this quizzicality that round-faced DeLeon, his hands cuffed behind his back, entered escorted by a linebackersized collection of muscles topped with obviously-dyed and jellied yellow hair that forcefully extended its hairy paw at me.

“Defense attorney?” he wondered.

“Yes.”

“Detective D’Alessio. Nice to meet you. Have you seen the DA?” He had just walked out, I said, and it was resolved that Mr. DeLeon and I would be left alone to discuss whatever was routinely discussed between hopeful soon-to-be-rats and their annoyed attorneys.

“So here you are,” I said. “Obviously, they want to talk to you.”

“Are they going to let me out?” he whispered

“Depends.”

“What do you mean?”

“Depends on how useful you prove to be in their eyes.”

“Aw man, forget it then. They have to let me out. This information is that good!”

“Listen I’m not the one who told you to cooperate. I’ll be glad to tell this DA you have nothing to say and we can both walk out of here.”

“And I’ll get out?”

“Yeah Ramon, you’ll get out. Of course not, what are you talking about?”

“What will they give me if we don’t talk to them?”

“Nothing. No offer’s my guess.”

“No offer? Why no offer?”

“Well, the reason’s this. They’re obviously interested in what you have to say or else they wouldn’t have rushed us in here. If you now turn around and say you don’t want to cooperate you can bet they’re going to try and squeeze you by not making any offer.”

“So what would I get?”

“Four and a half to nine on a plea.”

“That’s cold man.”

“It’s at least chilly meaning you should’ve probably just kept your mouth shut whereby you would’ve been offered something like two to four. This is a bullshit minor case, you didn’t have to introduce this cooperation element. If you don’t have the stomach for a trial just take your time like a—”

“I don’t want any time at all man. I have to get out of here like right now! I’m sick of this shit man. I’m ready to flip on all their asses. These people ain’t done shit for me. It’s just that I want to make sure I get out and shit. I have to get out right now man!”

“If the information you provide is good enough I guess that could happen. That said, hear me out a second. Why don’t you just forget all this and take—”

“Naw man, I want to talk to them. It’s just that these guys I’m going to be talking about are serious shit and I have to like disappear and stuff. This is hardcore shit, man.”

“Listen, hold on, because I’m getting my usual sense of impending doom only it’s coming quicker than usual.”

“What?”

“Now you’re talking about putting yourself in danger for what? Even if they gave you a total walk, big deal. It’s not like your facing life here where you would actually be getting some bang for your buck.”

“ Four and a half to nine ?”

“Listen there are things I can do to get you an offer. It’ll just take a little time. Besides what do you think you’re contemplating when you say you have to disappear? Information good enough to get you a walk means you would most likely have to testify. You understand what that means? That means you have to remain available, meaning visible. If you take off then you violate your end of the promise having already pled guilty which means you’ll eventually be begging for that four and a half to nine that looks so unfair right now.”

“I know that man. I’m not talking about skipping out. But what about like witness protection and shit?”

“Witness fucking protection? Are you kidding me? This is the state system. Witness protection means a fake mustache and a move from the Bronx to Brooklyn.”