William Gaddis - J R

— I don’t want one.

— Sit down then don’t have one. I’ll have one…

— But what, what happened… he came through brushing dirt down his front — if I’d, if I’d been here… he caught at the tipped lamp coming down on Wise Potato Chips Hoppin’ With Flavor! — if I’d…

— Look it wouldn’t have helped, you couldn’t have done a damn thing this time it wouldn’t have helped…

— No but if he knocked, I know he knocked at the door he must have! and if I, if I’d been here…

— Course it would have helped Tom, cheered Schramm up takes his mind off this mess look at it, young composer running out of barake sitting in this Christ awful mess eating a cupcake enough to cheer up anybody, pulls Schramm in sort of emergency barakē can’t read a God damned word of music’s helping him write an opera?

— No but he, Mister Gibbs he talked about the Ring he didn’t have to read music to understand the, I mean he talked about the Kalevala about Freya and Brisingamen he…

— Well Christ I could have told you about that Bast I told him about Brisingamen, seen the necklace around her throat I know every God damned link in it have to talk to you about her Bast, she…

— Damn it Jack get down, where the hell are you trying to…

— Helped Mister Eigen here too Bast, helped him with his play didn’t he Tom, told him to drop the first act it wouldn’t change a God damned thing, told him it was undigested Plato, told him he didn’t leave the actors or director an inch to move in because he didn’t trust them told him the ending was too neat he can tell you Bast, writer who’s run out of agapē same God damned thing tell him Tom, squeeze the universe into a ball and…

— God damn it Jack shut up and get down, you’re going to knock that whole pile of boxes over what the hell are you doing up there.

— Hell do you think I’m doing looking for that manuscript, only reason I came up here in the first place seen it Bast?

— No well I, all I found was something by Mister Grynszpan it’s in a blue cover, something agape I think it was I put it in the oven with all of his…

— That’s it yes where the hell is it, said you’d read it?

— No well just the first part it was a little hard to…

— Hard what do you mean hard! Read it to you tell me what’s so God damned hard where is it, hand me that can…

— I’ll go get it if you…

— No sit still leave it where it is, Jack? If you want this drink come down off that pile of books and…

— Said I’ll read it to him Tom… he pulled up the board cover of the bound volume of Musical Couriers for 1901—tell me what’s so God damned hard… he slapped pages over in a heap — here. The music of the world is free to all. Is that hard?

— Well no but…

— The Pianola is the universal means of playing the piano. Universal, because there is no one in all the world, having the use of hands and feet, who could not learn to use it that so God damned hard? Use of hands and feet… he got one of each on 12–38 Oz Btls Won’t Burn, Smoke or Smell coming down. — Problem Schramm’s having use of hands and feet he said Tolstoy told him, something terribly lacking between what he felt and what I could do Bast anything hard about that?

— Well I, no but I still don’t know what happened to him he…

— Problem what happened he always woke up the same person went to bed the night before only way he knew it these God damned words going through his head, go to bed knew he’d wake up the same God damned person finally couldn’t take it anymore, same God damned words waiting for him only thing to do get rid of the God damned container for the thing contained, God damned words come around next morning God damned container smashed on the sidewalk no place for them to…

— Look get his arm will you Bast? Listen Jack…

— Container for the…

— Damn it listen you don’t know what you’re talking about, think he was going around quoting Tolstoy the last thing he told me when he left a man goes into a hardware store asks for a can of blue paint a can of orange paint, a paintbrush and a hammer, the clerk thinks that’s a funny selection he tells him I’m going home and paint one ball blue the other one orange and when I see my new girl tonight damn it Jack he was jealous that’s all, dimwitted little piece Rhoda if she’d been here when he…

— Ought to get one Tom, having use of hands and feet ought to get yourself one…

— Mister Gibbs are you…

— Just trying to get to the God damned window see what’s…

— Know what I think Jack? You’re jealous.

— Got one Tom, ought to get yourself God damned people down there think they’d bought tickets even brought the children, half fare little bastards whole God damned mezzanine’s full too, every God damned window across the street somebody hanging out… he jerked the blind further askew catching the flashes of light from below — five God damned Jones boys right in the middle of it with their here it is, here he comes canvas bag with handles Christ why aren’t we, three cops pallbearers three cops somebody in white pajamas stowing him in the back of a, looks like a bakery truck City of New York Department of Hospitals looks like a God damned bakery truck Christ what a, God damn it Tom if you’d…

— Finally stole your act didn’t he, Jack.

— I, I think somebody’s at the door I’d better…

— Didn’t finish your joke Tom, if she says what funny looking balls I’m going to hit her with the hammer think you’re jealous Tom.

— Stole your act and left you here didn’t he Jack, look out…!

— Halte là! Qui…

— Look sit down and shut up, it’s the police.

— Come in officer we, we have trouble with this door but…

— Somebody break in on you?

— No it’s just, like this… he got it open on one hinge.

— Nobody lives here like this they’ll break in on you. Who walked up your shade.

— Officer! I can explain that, officer…

— You still with us?

— That was Lazarus officer, having use of hands and feet Lazarus come back to tell us all. I am Lazarus, come from the dead, come back to tell you all. Believing and shitting are two very different…

— Jack damn it shut up!

— But turn your eyes from Lazarus that cannot find a tomb, took one look around saw what he’d come back to and did it all over again…

— Bast get hold of his, no, no just let him sit on the floor.

— You know any next of kin Mister, what’s your name?

— Eigen, Thomas Eigen, e, i…

— You want to come down and make the identification then?

— Make way, make way for Lazarus that must go search among the desert places where wait, his eye, his eye…

— Okay, let’s go.

— Left his eyes to the eye bank, still got one good one if we hurry quick, need a shoe…

— Look Mister don’t make it hard for yourself, take another drink and sleep it off. Your friend here can handle things.

— Sleep it off? We’re friends of his too Mister what the hell do we, Bast quick a shoe, officer? Want you to arrest a cab driver named Hardy Suggs no the right one Bast quick, stole my right shoe officer… he tore at the laces and pulled it off — get him with the evidence, riding around with it in the back of his cab right now thought I didn’t see his name on the hack license Hardy Suggs, and his picture before he shaved I can point him out in the lineup…

— But I’ll need it in the morning Mister Gibbs I have to…

— He won’t get this one Bast it’s all right, he won’t get it…

— Jack listen…

— Suggs his name officer wait, I’m coming with you… The film cans crashed to the floor as he reached the door — still got one good one if we hurry…