William Gaddis - J R

— You’re your own God damned illness Tom, she said coming past him with her glass for the hall and there, over a shoulder, — what are you going to do with these newspapers.

— I haven’t been through them yet, he came after her empty-handed — haven’t had the…

— You’ve got papers and clippings piled everywhere, I can’t even find a place to…

— All right Marian, I’ll…

— Take them into your workroom or, somewhere, you said you were going to store them uptown.

— All right! He got past her in the hall carrying them, got the door opened at the end of it and the light switch with his elbow. — What are all these curtain rods doing here?

— I had to put them someplace, she said past the door and he stood there turned one way, the other, finally put the newspapers on the chair drawn up to the typewriter, leaning toward it to move the curtain rods and turn the unfinished lines up on the roller.

And there, coming over the foot of that rise, three cock pheasants burst up from the ground with the terrible slowness of things in a dream. They wheeled, I fired, and they were gone. But there on the ground with a broken wing one of them struggled across the stones, I fired again, and it kept on, struggling till it reached a wall where it fought its head in amongst the stones…

— Papa? Which do you want to be, Piglet or Pooh.

— Yes I’m coming David… he snapped off the light and pulled the door closed, and came up the hall slowly. — Wait David, we can’t play there, here get your feet out of the laundry.

— I’m being Rabbit, I beat Mama four times being Rabbit.

— Here let’s, wait, there’s never any place to sit down.

— Mama was Piglet, do you want to be him or Pooh Papa.

— I just haven’t had time to sort it, she said holding her glass high, gathering the laundry to an end of the sofa with her free hand. — Did I tell you the Bartletts are separating?

— No. Here David just, here, just put the board on the floor. We’ll play here on the floor, he said spreading the board between his feet, looking up. — Maybe he finally had enough of that grinning pear she’s painted on everything they own. What about the children.

— I won Mama four times today Papa. I always win.

— You don’t always win David. Nobody does.

— She said he’s agreed to move out and get a room in town, he’ll come up to see them weekends, she says she just can’t live with someone she doesn’t respect. He lost his job, you must have heard that.

— Better to go down dignified, watch your foot David. Provide, provide here, sit over here.

— I want to sit beside you.

— All right but don’t climb. Now, shake the bag, really shake it.

— She said she just can’t respect a man who doesn’t respect himself… and she stood over them a moment longer swirling the cubes loose in her glass before she turned. — I’ll start dinner, you can eat when you want to.

— Papa are you being Pooh?

— Yes. What did you get.

— I got blue. I go all the way here.

— You skipped one David.

— What?

— You skipped this blue back here. You’re back here.

— Oh.

— And I got green. Here. Now really shake the bag.

— I did. I got red, Papa if you got black you’d go all the way there.

— That’s why there are only two blacks in the whole bag.

— Why.

— To make it harder to get. And I have… green again.

— You only go here. Shall I move you?

— Yes now, wait, now wait David.

— I got yellow, I go all the way to…

— No, no you can’t take two out of the bag and then decide which one you want and put the other one back.

— I didn’t take two out. They just came out.

— All right, then put them both back in and shake the bag again, and when you reach in just take one.

— I got yellow anyway, see? I don’t even have to close my eyes, do the rules say you have to close your eyes?

— Yes, so nobody will be able to…

— Who made the rules?

— The people who made the game. That’s what a game is, if there weren’t any rules there wouldn’t be any game, now sit up.

— If you get yellow the next time you’ll get in the Heffalump trap. Papa do I have to close my eyes even if I hold the bag way over here and look over here?

— Yes now sit up David, it’s my turn.

— Papa?

— What.

— Papa was Jesus a regular person?

— Well he, he was a person yes but, he…

— Did he grow up to be an Indian?

— Did he what?

— Did Jesus grow up to be an Indian?

— What makes you think that.

Twisted away from the bag at his arm’s length, he faced the wall opposite where as art an ikon hung unapproachable behind a chair. — He has no shirt and he has those red marks on him.

— Those are blood David, you know that.

— Then why is he wearing that hat?

— That’s not a hat, it’s a crown of thorns, you know the, you must know the story about Jesus being crucified when they mocked him about being a king? and made him a crown out of thorns to…

— Then where did he get that blood on him.

— Well he, when he was crucified. You’ve seen the crucifix and the pictures of Jesus on the cross with the nails through his hands and feet, so his blood…

— Papa do those nails go right through his hands?

— They, yes, yes, they…

— I always thought he was holding on up there. Papa?

— Let’s, sit up now, if you…

— Is it my turn?

— No it’s my turn, David if you’re not careful of your feet you’re going to kick the pieces off the board and we won’t know where we’re supposed to be.

— I know, I’m here and you’re way back here, if you’d get black you’d get way up there.

— Blue.

— You only go three. Red. I got red. Look. Look Papa look where I am now and look where you are.

— Yes all right let’s… yellow.

— You got in the Heffalump’s trap. Mama Papa got in the Heffalump trap. Mama?

— She can’t hear you David. Don’t shout.

— If I get red now I’ll, yellow. I got yellow too look, I always win look, now look where I am and…

— David you don’t always win, nobody…

— I won Mama four times today. Mama?

— Stop shouting David… He held the bag down, — and I… got…

— Black! You peeked. Papa you peeked!

— Peeked?

— You peeked in the bag Papa I saw you. You peeked.

— Come on David, you…

— You peeked in the bag, I saw you.

— Look David you, nobody always wins, every time you play you can’t expect…

— No but you peeked.

— There’s the doorbell, listen. Do you want to answer it?

— No.

— Maybe it’s Jack, don’t you want to go open the door for Jack?

— No.

— Tom…?

— Come on help me up, then we’ll come back and finish the game.

— No. You peeked.

— Tom it’s a policeman, she came on ahead — David… and she held him aside in a stare that dropped from the height of the badge peaked on the cap to the holstered gun swept past his face toward the windows.

— We’re just checking your building.

— Yes but what…

— Nobody here went out a window?

— Out a, what? What do you mean.

— David come along now.

— Out a, David go with your mother. What do you mean out a window.

— We got a call somebody might have fell or jumped.

— Here? But who, but wait a man? Was it a man?

— That’s what we’re trying to find out Mister, why. You know a man here that might have went out a window?

— He, but no, no I know… no. No what makes you think…

— Look down there, see where the pipes of that awning frame’s all bent down there? We got a call there’s somebody on the sidewalk out front here, see the blood on the sidewalk down there? by where that car fender’s dented there? We get here but there’s no body down there, just that awning frame bent like that and where that car fender’s…