William Gaddis - J R

— And over there look, look. The moon coming up, don’t you see it? Doesn’t it make…

— What over there? He ducked away as though for a better view, — No but that’s, Mrs Joubert? that’s just, wait…

— No never mind, it doesn’t matter…

— No but Mrs Joubert…? The wind blew her from behind, seemed to blow him after her whirling the leaves up before them toward the station’s lights, — like I just wanted to ask you are we going on another field trip soon?

— To a bakery yes, she said over a shoulder, — I’m sure there’s a millionaire for that too.

— No but wait I meant like some museum… he was up beside her again, — like that one at New York where we…

— The Metropolitan, no the home economics class is going in to see their costume collection but you wouldn’t…

— Like do you think I could go along? I mean it sounds…

— You?

— Sure I mean it sounds real interesting, like it’s all these olden time clothes and all? I mean that sounds real in…

— No don’t be silly no you’re not in the sewing, is that the train?

— What those lights? No that’s over on the highway hey Mrs Joubert? did you ever hear of the Museum of Natural History?

— Of course but…

— See well anyways I was thinking like we’ve been having about Alaska and these here Eskimos and all? he came on near a trot beside her, — and like you know in our book Our Wilderness Friend? there’s this picture of this exhibit they have in there of these stuffed Eskimos? see so I was thinking…

— What?

— Of these here, wait you’re right in a puddle…

— What did you say? exhibit of what?

— Like didn’t you see that picture? These here stuffed Eskimos that shows how they live and all these here handicrafts they, what’s the matter…

— Do you really think that? can you, God can you think that? That they’d take Eskimos and, and…

— Sure well no I mean I, I mean like these other pictures they have in there of these exhibits that look real alive like these here stuffed wolves and all I… His voice was gone, buried in her breast with his burning cheek where she held him hard for the moment it took him to twist free enough to gasp — holy… to drop from reach to one knee wiping his free hand across his face, — what’s the matter anyhow I mean why does everybody always… and he broke off for the sound of the train above, — but hey? he called after her.

— No goodbye goodnight I can’t wait…

— No go ahead Mrs Joubert I just got these new shoelaces which keep untying but hey? remember that there field trip that little guy with those glasses? that kept bossing everybody around?

— Yes Mister Davidoff, she called back, tripped against the curb turned to him caught cringing there in a glancing blow of headlights as though about to spring, — that was Mister Davidoff… she caught herself at the foot of the concrete steps and then came up them to the top but one, and stopped there dead; caught breath sharply, — oh…! breaking up into the wind, into a run where the train groaned down the platform, — Jack…?

He’d stopped out of reach, newspapers disheveled under one arm wrapped outside with the Turf Guide where wind billowed the jacket so his shoulders appeared to rise turning toward her, — Amy!

— Oh no you’re… and she stopped. — No…

— No no wait Amy listen straighten right up, listen… he came on at her wadding his papers tight in a hasty gesture of resolution, — won the double Amy just stopped to celebrate, straighten right up I didn’t know you’d be here to meet me listen…

— I’m not Jack I’m not here to meet you, I just came for the next train to town and when I heard this one I thought…

— Train run both ways told me that yourself remember? Ride you right back in Amy listen…

— Back into town? Don’t be silly… She turned past him after the receding lights already losing distinction in the aimless spread of evening, — you just got out here.

— Quick trip to settle things Amy pick up a few books, tell Backbite shove the job in his proscribed opening get a fresh start listen…

— Jack I don’t want to listen! She’d reached the billboard, sheltered there from the wind against a breadloaf inscribed Father Haigt eat’s it. — Here comes the train now please…

— Pope says to get away remember? told me that yourself…

— Jack be careful!

The platform shuddered and he flattened up against We kick ass yours too, — to get away…

— No please don’t get on Jack please…!

— To get away…

— No no don’t don’t be careful don’t…! Jack you, here, here hold on here…

— Got your ticket?

— You can’t sit there Jack your foot’s Jack your foot!

The bridge abutment passed in a roar. — Tell you about Hardy Suggs sometime wrong God damn foot though listen…

— Here can you, can you, help me with the door I can’t…

— Kick it always helps, here… It came back with a crash, — window seat, seat by the window watch the natural beauties rush past the what’s the matter.

— What do you think’s the, you frightened me! She sat fingertips pressed to her eyes.

— Got beautiful hands Amy listen…

— And please… she dropped them to open the bag on her lap, find her handkerchief — your knee can you move your knee, Jack can’t you just sit…

— Trying to pay the fare damn it… one foot twisted into the hinge ahead, — reach my pocket… the newspapers went to the floor and his hand came up crumpling bills.

— Jack what, where did all that…

— Told you won the double Amy get a fresh start, Raindance and Mister paid a hundred twelve forty Mister Fred only six to one, here, here you are my good man.

— Jack stop it you, he can’t change a hundred dollars, you…

— Not my good man then God damn it find him something bigger, here…

— Here stop it here’s a five, put the rest away you shouldn’t be carrying it all around like that.

— Think you’re mad cause I won the double aren’t you, thought you’d be…

— Don’t be silly it’s just, it shouldn’t be that easy that’s all.

— Said that when I found a nickel once Amy not so God damned easy, chance favors the prepared mind sorry… he’d plunged after the papers, — Protestant ethic, he said from down there and then, coming upright abruptly — beautiful knees though… trying to cross his own and spread the papers up against them, giving that up.

— And what’s happened to your throat, you sound like you…

— Little bronchitis get some penicillin get a fresh start, newspaper’s full of opportunities. Here. Monogrammed doormat sixteen ninety-five how’s that, he brandished the page as the train shuddered in to a platform. — Earn your respect making monogrammed doormats how’s that.

— Jack honestly if you can’t simply…

— No no listen look, first time in history so many opportunities to do so God damned many things not worth doing, problem’s they start with the sixteen ninety-five have to start with the doormat, went to the woods to live deliberately Thoreau says couldn’t escape from the Protestant ethic, be the first ones to redeem it Amy make monogrammed doormats deliberately, sorry… Her knees drew away tight. — Beautiful knees I ever saw why, rather watch the natural wonders rush past the windows?

— I think I would yes, she said turning to where laundry strung behind row houses passed the dirty pane, gave way to a store, stores.

— Might open a dry cleaning establishment… he slumped, tried to get both knees up against the seat ahead, gave up and got both feet out in the aisle, — get a fresh start…