Hwang Sok-Yong - The Shadow of Arms

Pham Quyen buried his face in his hands: If only I had known… I could have stopped him, even if I had to shoot him in the arm or the foot. If Minh had only waited a little longer, I could have sent him to Europe. For ten thousand dollars, I can easily get anybody’s son to France by way of Cambodia. The going rate to get someone out to another Southeast Asian country was only three or four thousand. Minh could have lived with his wife in a cheery, one-story house annexed to a private clinic, watering the flowerpots in his living room. I could take a drive over to visit him.

Just then something exploded. He imagined shattered windows and bloody corpses lying everywhere. Quyen jerked his head up. Yes, Minh had disappeared, throwing a plastic bomb at all those hopes and dreams. They never should have sent him to his uncle’s in Hue. Uncle was a feeble old man, but he might have influenced the boy with his extreme ideologies. He had probably started reading classics like Proudhon and Bakunin. And then he would have graduated to Lenin and Mao. And on to those innumerable pamphlets, beginning with the theses of Ho Chi Minh and from there to the strategic doctrines and political speeches of Vo Nguyen Giap and Pham Van Dong. .

If it is absolutely impossible for you to produce anything useful, or if you refuse to be a producer, then live in isolation as a hermit or invalid. If we have abundance enough to supply your daily necessities, then we will gladly give them to you. For you are a human being and have the right to live. But if you leave the masses, wishing to live in conditions of privilege, it is only natural that you should suffer the consequences in your daily relationships with other citizens. You will be regarded as a ghost of the bourgeoisie, unless your friends discover some remarkable gift in you, and by carrying out all necessary labor on your behalf, kindly free you from your moral obligations.

Pham Quyen remembered those lines well. At the sound of a bicycle bell outside, he raised his head with a jolt. Lei could be seen through the open door. With her hat hanging behind her head, she walked her bicycle into the front yard and left it propped against the wall. When she came inside, she started at the unexpected sight of Quyen.

“Come here and sit down.”

Lei politely sat down across the table from her brother, wiping her face with her handkerchief.

“You have to answer everything I ask you. Leave nothing out.”

His elder sister, Mi, came over to Lei with a concerned look on her face and asked if the young girl was hungry.

“Just get out of the way!” Quyen unleashed his anger, and Mi, intimidated, rushed into the kitchen.

“What’s wrong, Big Brother?” Lei asked in a pleading tone, her voice already clouding up to rain tears. But Pham Quyen showed no mercy.

“You must know. Where has Minh gone?”

“He is in Hue,” Lei said, her face blue with fear.

“Don’t play the innocent with me. I know. When was he last here?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know, really.” Lei began to cry.

Behind him, his elder sister timidly said, “Please, not so loud, you’ll wake up Mother.”

Quyen swung around and pointed his finger at her, saying, “Mi, you’re just as guilty. All of you are in this.”

“Why. . I can’t believe you’d speak to me that way.”

His sister dropped her head and retreated back to the kitchen. Quyen pounded on the table.

“I’m the head of this family. I would do anything for you. It’s my responsibility to keep you safe and happy. Go outside and see. Everywhere people are dying, starving, barely staying alive. I play the role of father and struggle to protect you from falling into such misery. And this is the thanks I get? My little brother defies me, my little sister lies to me, and all of you are turning away from me.”

Lei glared at her big brother and said, “Brother Minh has joined the National Liberation Front.”

Dumbfounded, Quyen looked at Lei, not believing his ears.

“What, what did you say?!”

“NLF. Can you hear me now? Satisfied?”

Quyen had nothing more to say. Lei pushed her chair back, got up and went into the kitchen to see her sister Mi. The two were probably sobbing in each other’s arms, he thought. Quyen leaned back in his chair, feeling completely drained. He stood up, opened the kitchen door and without looking at his sisters, said, “I’ll speak to Mother, but you both watch what you say outside the house. Especially you, Lei! Be careful what you say to your friends at school!”

Pham Quyen went to his mother’s room and quietly pushed the door open. Had he come late or been unable to come at all that evening, and if his sisters had made a slip of the tongue, that would have been the end of all tranquility in the house. There was no telling what his mother would demand that he do, pestering him relentlessly. If she knew Minh had gone into the jungle, she would lose her wits and plead with Quyen to organize a special commando team to go out and bring him back.

His mother slowly opened her eyes and stared up at him. The lines of her mouth began to twitch in a contorted tick.

“Quyen, you’ve heard, haven’t you? Our Minh is missing. What can we do? You take after your father, so gutsy and clever that I never worry about you, but I’ve always worried about your little brother. Not knowing whether he’s dead or alive. . shouldn’t we’ve heard some news of him?”

Pham Quyen forced a smile.

“The truth is, Mother, Minh’s joined the army. I sent him, Mother.”

The old woman sat up, straightening her backbone.

“He got a draft deferment, so why should he join the army?”

“He has to, if we are sending him to France to study. He has to finish military service first. If I get him into the medical corps, he’ll be out in eighteen months.”

“Well why did you wait until now to tell me and make me go through all this?”

Then his mother frowned again.

“So, where’s he stationed now? He’s not by any chance with the paratroopers or the rangers or the black leopards, or whatever they call them, is he?”

“No, Mother. I sent him to the Navy. He’s been in the orderly corps since dropping out of medical school. He’s wearing a white gown and working as an orderly on a hospital ship of a neutral country.”

“I see. So he’s nursing people. I suppose there’s not much to worry about then. I thought I would burn up inside.”

“Don’t worry, Mother. Just rest.”

As Quyen turned to leave the room his mother called out to him, “Why do you have that look on your face? Are you angry because I was so anxious?”

“No, Mother. I’m just a little tired.”

“Come home early tonight. We’ll have a family offering.”

“I’m very busy, Mother. You see, the general is going to Saigon. Even if I were ten people I wouldn’t be able to finish all the work that needs to be done. Now, just don’t worry about Minh anymore.”

“Wait. . you’re not lying to me just to put your mother’s mind at ease, are you?”

Pham Quyen suppressed an urge to shout at the top of his lungs: “You’ve been a lucky woman, Mother, your husband passed away without pain as he slept in a bath; even if you lose one of your children, even if Minh was dead, you’d still be luckier than all the other old mothers of Vietnam.” But he gave his mother a wide smile.

“I’ll bring you his enlistment papers in a few days. You’ll be getting a letter from him before long, I bet.”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine now.”

Mi, who had been eavesdropping, grabbed his hand as he came out of the room.

“Well done. I’m glad she didn’t press harder. And don’t scold Lei too much, please.”

Without replying to her, Quyen walked on into the living room to look for Lei. Judging from the clinks from the kitchen, she was in there eating. He started to say something, caught himself, and walked outside. Mi followed him out of the house.