Manuel Rivas - Books Burn Badly

‘What were you going to say, Gabriel?’

He shook his head.

His father insisted. Rationalised what had happened. His ears tried to remember. Not one, not two, but more. Gabriel was stammering. His son. A child who was. . perfect. That was the word. In short. He wanted to make sure it wasn’t a nightmare.

‘You were going to say something, Gabriel. Go on. What is it? Are you not well? Say something. Speak. Tell me about the trolleybus.’ His imaginary journeys with Chelo, his mother. Every Tuesday, they’d depart from Porta Real. The red, double-decker buses had been brought from London, second-hand. What fun it was to go upstairs, to sit in the first row, the large front window like a screen in the city’s real cinema. ‘Where did you go yesterday? To Montevideo. Come on, say Montevideo. You sometimes go to Lisbon, don’t you? Lisbon’s easy to say. Say Lisbon.’

‘Lisbon.’

‘That’s good, Gabriel. Another city you go to is Paris. Let’s see if you can say Montevideo, Lisbon, Paris, Berlin, Barcelona. It’s just a joke. A game. I know you can say all of this. But say it to me now.’

‘Montevideo, Lisbon, Paris. .’

Things always happened somewhere. On the beach this summer, he’d learnt to dive. A little. But for him these first experiences were like underwater journeys. He couldn’t believe it when he opened his eyes and saw Chelo’s feet, enormous under the water, the toes like rock creatures with pearly shells. Now he’d like to dive and go between his father’s legs. He felt the presence of Grand Mother Circa, the grandfather clock, behind him. It had come from Cuba, like the wooden horse Carirí, and been a wedding present from Chelo’s father. He’d always end up there when he started to walk. He’d use it as a support, watch the pendulum. It was a fantastic creature, alive, with its own way of speaking day and night. He used to dream something was happening and this is where he’d hide. The grandfather clock leant against the room’s central pillar. The sunlight coming in from the balcony — it was a winter’s day, but there was a magnificent sun, a ‘Catholic sun’, someone at court had said — drew a dividing line with the pillar’s shadow. So Grand Mother Circa was also, in its own way, a light mechanism. He listened to it up close. He listened to it inside. It calmed the words and ordered them for him. This time, they’d gone on a boat to the Xubias. They’d gone up and down the beach, from the jetty to the estuary channel. On the sandbank, from a neighbouring dune, they could see the two waters fighting it out. Blue and green. They then climbed some rocks to reach a chalet. He tripped several times. Chelo took his hand and helped him up that steep shortcut. The house was closed, except for one of the shutters. How strange. Look. It was a house full of books. Inhabited by books. A house without books must be sad. Even sadder a house of books without people. Brambles and roses intertwined on the pergola. He protested, ‘What are we doing? Why did we come here?’

‘It’s a boat-house. Isn’t it beautiful?’

‘Where did you go, Gabriel?’

‘To Santa Cristina.’

His father’s concern abruptly switched objective. Abandoned him to focus instead on this other place.

‘To Santa Cristina? To that beach in this weather?’

GRANDPA MAYARÍ HUNTED down items of news with the iron tip of his cane. He preferred the yellow ones, dipped in sun and frost, swept along the same paths as the dry leaves, though newspaper stays one step behind, on its own. The leaves of trees and newspapers, freed from the date, move westwards in flocks of crazy melancholy. They sometimes crouch in an abandoned doorway, all mucky, like the hair of a pet which has come back from its nocturnal outing with a dead man’s cold slap and been unable to locate the cat-flap. On Mount Alto, the hill on which Hercules Lighthouse stands, some of these itinerant leaves catch on prickly thickets and turn into dry meat. But a few go into a trance and are carried this way and that, tattooing the wind.

These are the ones sought out by the tip of Antonio Vidal, Grandpa Mayarí’s cane.

Here’s one now. The cane pretends not to see. Suddenly darts through the air and harpoons the piece of news on the sea lane opened by feet in the soft grass. We’re on the high cliffs of Gaivoteiro, in the direction of Fura do Touciño, and there’s something of the sea bird in the piece of paper. A final flapping of navigational wings.

Mayarí vacated his position at Aristotle’s Lantern, grocer’s, and chose the start of summer, the best he could remember, to spend a period of time in Coruña. He came to see the boats. This was no excuse, no figure of speech. It was true. Absolutely true. He’d get up very early to go to Muro Fishmarket, which is where fishing boats, bacas and bous from the Great Sole, unloaded. Although all sales there were by auction and in large quantities, he’d always get some fish, if possible scad and sail-fluke, and sometimes bring one of those large hakes people of the sea call ‘Baby Lola’, perhaps because of their resemblance to baby mermaids, something he accepted because it fell into his hands and he couldn’t say no to the patter of a fishwife, like anyone in the din of a fishmarket who was born a farmer. He never ate it. He liked boats, not fish. In time, I reached the conclusion he bought it for the news, in this case wet and scaly news, since it was usually wrapped in newspaper. He soon got rid of the fish, like someone finally surrendering an infinite, innocent sadness into safe hands, those of Neves, maid and cook, though for a few moments he’d read those sheets of newspaper serving as a shroud. This observation of mine shouldn’t sound strange. What was strange, hence it caught my attention, was that Grandpa Mayarí didn’t read normal, whole newspapers, there being several, including the two that arrived a couple of days late by subscription from Madrid.

From this first visit to the fishmarket, he’d return when dawn was straining at the oars on the other side of the bay, in Mera. He’d come home when the sun was the height of a man in the east. He’d then have breakfast and, happy as a frog in a puddle, take in a view of the port from the gallery. He adored his daughter and maintained a solemn silence in front of her paintings. His daughter, Chelo, respected this silence. I don’t recall her ever asking for his opinion, in search of an adjective, though she could so easily have elicited praise from someone who loved her so much. I’m sure Antonio Vidal liked those paintings, I’m in no doubt, I think I knew him quite well, but I suppose, like almost everyone else, he wondered why Chelo didn’t paint landscapes and, above all, why she didn’t paint seascapes.

I possessed the answer to the question grandpa never asked, but to the one who did ask, I didn’t want to give it.

Chelo painted landscapes on the palm of my hand. Souvenirs, she called them. When she was satisfied, she’d sign them: Souvenir by Corot. So this name was always familiar to me, like someone tickling my hand. A name that went from my hand to my eyes with an easel on its back.

When I couldn’t speak, when I stumbled on a word and she saw that this struggle with language was filling me with icy horror, that of an inner being whose teeth are chattering in the cold, teeth and a cold which got inside, behind my eyes, under my tongue, she’d say, ‘Come.’ And paint a souvenir on my hand. ‘White, blue, grey and silver today.’

The habit of opening and closing my hand.

‘Hey, what’s that?’ Grandpa Mayarí would ask.

In the afternoon, we’d go out to Mount Alto, as far as Hercules Lighthouse. But first we’d stop at the Grapevine bar and sit under the trellis. He’d say to me, ‘You watch her laugh.’ When the woman came, he’d order a fizzy water for me. ‘And for the old man,’ he’d say, meaning himself, ‘an electric Ribeiro.’ And it was true, the woman did laugh.