William Gaddis - A Folic Of His Own

— Maybe doing a little groping there in the dark?

— That's occurred to me Mister Basic! It's a, she's not too reliable about movies, they showed that old Laughton picture once and she got quite confused, thought it would be about football, the halfback of Notre Dame but this scar now, she was clear enough about this scar on his cheek it's even mentioned in that review, coming home from the battle at Ball's Bluff and his uncle's just died up north with these coal mines? It's right there in this scene isn't it? You call that a coincidence like mine? this one of mine?

— This what, I don't…

— My scar, this scar right here on my cheek can't you see it?

— Now you point it out, it's…

— Of course it is, that's why I'm suing and it's not just the money, loss of earning capacity, career in jeopardy no, it's the principle of the thing. It's the pain and suffering, mental anguish, simple justice after all, I'm just claiming my constitutional rights aren't I?

— Might put it that way, but you get up and try to prove it in court they…

— No question of that once I can assert my full common law rights, you're a lawyer aren't you? Break out from under all these petty restrictions, provisions, limitations under the, just hand me that folder on that pile of books there it's all spelled out, you think they won't take it seriously? Just look at me, tell them the hospital wanted me to sign something in case of death donating any left over usable parts for some perfect stranger? Like that fellow who left his skull to the Royal Shakespeare Company for the graveyard scene in Hamlet you could specify which organs or parts and what use they could, here, here it is yes, whether the Federal and State Constitutions' equal protection and due process clauses are violated by here, quoting Montgomery v. Daniels where the court held that New York's Article 18 was not unconstitutional nevertheless supporting the 'concept that the individual is the basic and ultimate unit in society must be supported by recognition of the value of one's physical, mental and emotional integrity, including freedom from pain and suffering and the ability to live an uncrippled life.' You see?

— Can't say I see exactly where the…

— Well it's right here, it's perfectly clear, quoting Falcone v. Branker. 'A disfigurement is that which impairs or injures the beauty, symmetry, or appearance of a person or thing; that which renders unsightly, misshapen, or imperfect, or deforms in some manner.' You see what we're getting at.

— Can't say I do, exactly. You write this up yourself did you?

— Certainly not no, my attorney drew it up, he…

— You say you already got an attorney?

— Well of course, this is the complaint he drew up, he goes on from Montgomery. 'The automobile, a modern bane and boon, daily threatens that integrity for millions of people. And Article 18, while not in any way alleviating that threat, strips a class which includes most automobile accident victims of the right to be fairly compensated for injuries and pain and suffering,' you see? Just because it provides these full first party benefits accruing to the injured person regardless of fault or negligence on the part of the covered person, that's where they're claiming immunity from lawsuits like this one without, where is it, without here, without permitting nonduplicative recovery by suit against tortfeasors at common law. That's what the whole, where are you going. It's down the hall on the right.

— Thought I'd see how she's coming with that coffee.

— Just be patient… A hand broke free to squeeze the horn, — now. Can we go ahead?

— You say you already have an attorney Mister Crease, now why you had me to come all the way out here frankly I'm just not clear what we're talking about.

— Talking about this scar aren't we? We're talking about coincidence, my scar and the scar on the face of this character in my play that's a coincidence, his scar and the scar on the face of the character in this movie is not a coincidence, it can't be, the same battle, the Major there home from the war and the whole…

— Problem you run into with these similarities though you've got to prove it, prove they stole it, be surprised how many times somebody will make something up like a song maybe, he writes this song maybe just honestly forgets somewhere a long time ago he heard practically the same thing, even if he didn't there's just so many combinations of notes isn't there. Talk about a play now, you take O'Neill, Eugene O'Neill, see I did some, took some acting classes you might call them once, sort of little theatre, you know, even thought of being a serious actor for a while there and…

— If you want to play O'Neill fine, play your heart out. Go right ahead Mister Basic, the Emperor Jones is a powerful role, almost operatic isn't it but that's not what I'm talking about.

— Neither was I.

— What? Oh. Oh I meant, I didn't mean just because you're…

— Didn't mean anything by it no, that's good to know. See what put me in mind of O'Neill was some old Civil War play he wrote where there's this old Southern mansion with all these Greek columns and…

— Well it ends right there, believe me! Because his play's about the Civil War too? Which of course it's not is it, it's a clumsy warmed over schoolboy parody of Euripides with a few vulgar Freudian touches thrown in for good measure.

— No but see that's what I'm saying here, just the appearance, why just this appearance of even some real close similarities won't hold up in court, have to match them up line by line, prove they knew about your play, that they saw your play performed or had the easy chance to? or that they…

— Well of course they never saw it performed.

— Then how come you…

— Because it's never been performed that's how come! Nobody's ever seen it performed, a serious play of ideas like this one you expect to see it in lights on Broadway? All Broadway wants is tits and ass, a chorus line of stupid self indulgent idiots cavorting around the stage singing about tits and ass and the whole loud vulgar, tickets bought on company expense accounts to entertain your out of town buyer you think he wants to sit through something that requires one grain of intelligence?

— You been to the theatre lately Mister Crease?

— Me? God no. Wad up your coat and jam it under the seat you've paid sixty dollars for where you can see exactly half the stage, hot as blazes and you can't cross your knees, the curtain goes up on a torrent of obscenity or some burntout star who's decided a revival of an old chestnut like your O'Neill there's his vehicle for immortality the minute he staggers onstage the audience explodes in applause and goes to sleep till intermission for the cigarette in the alley and that watery five dollar orange drink. End of the limited engagement the investors grab their tax breaks and status as patrons of the arts one thing you can be sure of, they're having a better time up there on the stage than you are. Whether it's spouting tits and ass or your O'Neill chestnut they're all just having a good time at your expense.

— Let me ask you then, clear up one thing for me while we…

—'A gross, coarse form of art,' Pound made it pretty clear didn't he? writing to Joyce when Joyce ground out that dreary play Exiles, 'speaking to a thousand fools huddled together…'

— Feeling like that then, how come you'd want to write for the theatre in the first place?

— Did I say that? write for the theatre? Get back to our friend Yeats here when he and Pound were going to write plays together that Pound said wouldn't need 'a thousand people for a hundred fifty nights to pay the expenses of production.' They can read it can't they? produce it in their own minds if they've got any probably do a better job of it than these money grubbing producers, stagehand unions, actors unions and the rest of the…