William Gaddis - A Folic Of His Own

— I think you've really got to establish serious injury, lose an arm or a leg or some real disfigurement to start an action for…

— Well look at me! I still can't move this leg if I try to turn this way or sit up straight it's like a hot pitchfork right through here, I was on the critical list in there wasn't I? in the hospital? Isn't that enough to convince somebody that I…

— If it's not Harry, he can tell them about his little visitor in the black suit coming to take him to the other side like Dante and…

— No stop it Christina, that wasn't it at all and you know it. If you think it wasn't serious do you know they even came in and asked if I wanted a summary of what was going to happen on If the World Turns and the rest of these idiotic soap operas, will kindly old Apple Annie die of a brain tumor? will Gary the star halfback test positive for AIDS? They have those, they provide them confidentially to terminal patients who don't want to leave without knowing whether friendly Frank really stole that money or if beautiful Jessica will have that abortion, if that's the…

— No look Oscar, I didn't mean to seem to shrug off your injuries. Point is once you get these lawsuits started they can drag out for years, they give you some docket number in the hereafter and the insurance company's in no hurry. They're getting fed up with these million dollar awards and settlements and they're starting to really fight them, get one postponement after another and by the time you come to trial you'll be…

— I'll be out playing baseball, will you tell her to bring in that Alfredo dish Christina? Because she says Kevin said I'm probably already well past the threshold limit on all these medical bills so what we're talking about is all this pain and suffering and lost income because of this permanent disfigurement.

— I think he means his battle scar, Harry. Just turn a little so he can see it Oscar, which cheek is it?

— It's right here! Can't you see it?

— If you know where to look. Get it in the right light it's quite distinguished, don't you think so Harry?

— You said the school's still paying you Oscar, I don't see where loss of income is…

— Maybe he could get a slouch hat and take his play on the road.

— Christina stop it! I'm trying to…

— I mean anyone who could take his girlfriend on a vacation trip to visit a Civil War battlefield, she probably asked which side was George Washington on, talking about all this lost income Oscar I can't imagine what you're talking about.

— Because that's exactly what I'm talking about, this same battlefield because that's the trip we made down to Maryland when I was going to lecture on the battle at Antietam at the Army War College in Carlyle, lecture fees like that and the whole lecture circuit even if I can finally walk again, that this facial disfigurement can cause my loss of earning capacity that's what it's about.

— Well I must say it's the first time I've ever heard you talk about the whole lecture circuit, Ilse get that bottle away from him before the whole thing goes, just pour a little in his glass and put some sauce right on his noodles there, where did that come from.

— It's a nice Pinot Grigio, just a table wine really but…

— I mean all this talk about the lecture circuit that's going to be deprived of your brilliant contributions.

— Yes well that was really Kevin's idea, those fees are at least three thousand dollars and even five because…

— And he thinks people would line up in droves to hear you talk about the Civil War?

— Well as he says Christina, I've got the credentials and with the interest that this movie has stirred up we can…

— You can sue them both.

— Not with Kevin no, she told me he's just writing the complaint for this accident and then we'll…

— She told you, what has he told you?

— Well I haven't met him yet but…

— Haven't met him? You mean he hasn't even seen your, your battle scar, this facial disfigurement you're so pleased with and he's writing the complaint anyhow? And you expect to pay him for this nonsense? have you thought of that?

— I told her to ask him about that and she said he just laughed and said to tell me not to worry about it.

— And you believe that? Harry tell him what you said about…

— Probably doing it on a contingency, if Oscar loses he doesn't pay him, if he wins this Kevin takes thirty, forty, maybe fifty percent of the settlement, you ought to clear that up Oscar.

— No but, half? he'd get half? But that's, that's robbery that's…

— No worse than your art dealer is it? or your concert booking agent? It's the middleman Oscar, it's always the middleman.

— And that's how he's handling her mess of a divorce?

— Well that's not my, I don't know Christina, she doesn't tell me every, all the details, she's been trying to get a separation agreement signed and there's some trouble with that woman lawyer she had about money…

— It's always about money, I know her. Served on a committee with her once, she's running for city judge.

— She was supposed to be known as this great negotiator but all she's done is to…

— Look, a lot of people out there who mainly enjoy giving away what isn't theirs some of them make it a profession, the bigger the numbers in their negotiations the bigger their reputation, you walk in and they're on the phone saying we said four million three and the New York town house Jim, my client can't do better than that, expect him to spend the rest of his life on a lousy sixty foot yacht?

— Well that's hardly the case here is it, I mean unless her lawyer is busy giving away what isn't even hers if you see what I mean, I mean you do don't you Oscar. See what I mean I mean. I mean of course what is hers to give away is something else again after all isn't it, if you see what I…

— Just put down the wine Christina you've had enough, nobody's giving anything away here. No lawyer's going to take a case on contingency unless he's sure he can win it look Oscar, all I'm saying is bringing lawsuits like this movie business can get really complicated. The worse they get the more they cost the little guy who just can't begin to put up the kind of money that…

— I'm not a little guy! I told you what I, that all I want is justice that's what it's all about, what the play's all about in the first place, it's my whole…

— Oscar look. If they've spent ninety million dollars on this picture, you're the little guy. They're ready for you, any chance they could lose these nuisance suits their insurance wouldn't get near them, the exhibitors wouldn't touch it, they're ready to spend anything to protect their investment it's that simple.

— What Harry's trying to tell you Oscar is whoever takes your case it's going to cost you money, that even if you're right you can lose it maybe you don't care, I mean obviously you can't pay Kevin in the same coin Lily can, you…

— The, what do you mean the same coin! That's not fair Christina, I already told you she said he said if I want to sue anybody in the movie business out there that I better get myself a Jewish lawyer and he's not the…

— What this Kevin person's trying to tell you Oscar is going to cost you money, whoever takes a case like this is going to cost…

— I know that! That's what Harry just told me didn't he? that they wouldn't take it on some contingency arrangement where they'd get half that's not what I asked him for is it? I just thought maybe if we worked things out that maybe we could get some kind of a discount or maybe he could just sort of do it on the side where his law firm wouldn't even have to know about it would they? because it's all right in the family isn't it? If he wants to use some of his spare time just to do something for somebody in the family who…