Elias Khoury - Gate of the Sun

“My mother worked as a seamstress. She wasn’t a very good seamstress, but she managed to make a living with the women in the camp. She sewed a little and earned a little, and we survived. The Stone would leave the house every morning and not come back until evening. He wouldn’t speak to us, and he’d even refuse to eat with us. My mother had a relief card so she’d go at the beginning of each month to get flour, milk, and cooking oil from the agency. But he wouldn’t touch it. I don’t know how he got by. He wouldn’t ask my mother for money, and he didn’t steal like most of the men in the camp did. He’d get up at dawn, drink his coffee before we woke up, and leave for the day. My mother would beg him to taste the food she’d prepared, but he’d flatly refuse. He’d turn away from her, open his newspaper, and read. My father wasn’t illiterate, he was semiliterate and could sound out words. He’d learned to read from the newspapers. He’d sit and read in silence. We’d see his lips moving but couldn’t hear a sound. He would read without a sound and speak without a sound and come and go without a sound.”

“I heard the story just from my grandmother,” said Nuha. “I thought she was rambling like all old people, but it was the truth.”

“We went back, my love, but it was hopeless,” she told me. She said they’d demolished al-Birwa and she couldn’t stand to live in any other village, so she decided to move back to Lebanon. Her son left them in the fields outside the village and went to Kafar Yasif; then he came back to tell them that they should all go there.

“But I couldn’t agree to live in Kafar Yasif; I wanted al-Birwa. I said we should go back and live with the people of al-Birwa that were left, go back and cultivate our land. What were we supposed to do for work in Kafar Yasif? Your father said he’d met Sa’ad’s son who worked in the building trade, and he’d promised him a job. I said no, and I picked you up and started walking. Your mother caught up with me with your brother, Amir, leaving your father standing there. He screamed at us; he wanted us to stay with him, but we left. We found him again here in the camp. I thought he’d stayed behind. I said, ‘Let him stay, it’s his destiny, but I can’t,’ and your mother caught up with me, and he screamed at us, but we couldn’t hear his voice, as though it couldn’t make it out of his mouth. I think he caught up with us, and when we got to the camp he went into the bathroom, then he left the house and turned into stone. Our feet were sore, and all we wanted to do was sleep, but he went out. I was right. I mean, how could we go back to al-Birwa when al-Birwa no longer existed? What were we to do? Go to another village and become refugees in our own country? No, my dear.”

Nuha said she’d pieced the story of their return together from scraps of stories. She could picture the scene as though she were remembering it herself. Going back, her mother told her, was difficult, but people did return. “Suddenly, all the members of a family would disappear, and we’d know they’d returned. Your father was like a madman, hunting for scraps of news and abusing your mother. One morning in April of ’51, he told us, ‘Come on, we’re going back.’ We didn’t take anything with us. We returned as we’d left, with nothing but our clothes, two flasks of water, a bundle of bread, some potatoes, and some boiled eggs. We got a taxi to Tyre and another to Rimeish, and from there, we started our march to al-Birwa. Going back was easy. We went around the villages and walked in the rough. The Stone walked as though on the palm of his hand — he’d stretch his hand out in front of him and read from his palm, he said everything was written there. We walked behind him in silence, your grandmother carrying you, me carrying your brother, and the Stone walking ahead of us. Finally we arrived. We’d walked the whole night and arrived at dawn. At the outskirts of the village, he told us to wait under an olive tree.

“There, the Stone started walking in an odd way. He bent over as though he were getting ready for a fight and started leaping until he disappeared from our view. Your grandmother went crazy. She started to go after him, but he waved her off, placing his finger on his lips to ask her to be quiet. Then he disappeared.

“And us, what were we to do? How could I wait when I had this half-paralyzed old woman with me? Suddenly the strength left your grandmother. All the way there, she’d been like a horse, but at the outskirts of the village her knees gave out and she collapsed, dripping with sweat. She was carrying you in her arms and the sweat dripped onto you. You started crying, and I took you from her and gave you my breast. No, you weren’t still breast feeding, you were two years old and I’d weaned you more than a year before, but for some reason, I took you from her arms, wiped the old woman’s sweat off you and gave you my breast. You stopped crying and fell into a deep sleep.

“The Stone returned.

“The sun was starting to set and your grandmother was sitting on her own under an isolated olive tree. Upon seeing her son, she struggled to stand up but couldn’t, so she crawled. We helped her to sit up; her eyes fixed on her son’s lips.

“We sat around him. He drank some water, ate a boiled egg, and asked us to wait for him before making his way toward the olive grove and disappearing again.

“He came back the next morning and said he was going to Kafar Yasif.

“We understood.

“The old woman bowed her head and began sobbing. I tried to question him. I asked him about my father’s house — I thought, Never mind; if our house has been demolished, we can go and live in my father’s house. ‘Listen, woman,’ he said, ‘I’m going to Kafar Yasif.’ And we understood. I said to him, ‘They demolished all the houses, right?’ And he said, ‘Yes.’

“When I heard the word yes I fell to the ground. I couldn’t see; everything had gone black. The Stone tried to bring me around.

“He explained everything to me.

“‘Al-Birwa is dead,’ he said. ‘You stay here, I’ll go.’

“He didn’t wait for nightfall. He said he’d go, and he went. His head must have been hurting him because he kept putting his hands to his temples and pressing. He ordered us not to move from where we were.

“We waited for three days and nights. April was cold, and we had only brought two woolen blankets. The four of us slept under them, the old woman shivering and talking in her sleep. We weren’t hungry. I had brought some bread, and your grandmother gathered thyme and some seeds from the land that we ate also.

“On the third night, the old woman disappeared.

“I woke up and didn’t find her with us under the blankets. I looked everywhere, but she’d disappeared.

“The Stone came back to tell us that we had to go to Kafar Yasif in the night, everything was arranged. Al-Birwa had been completely demolished, and the Jews had built the settlement of Achihud on top of it. Kafar Yasif was the only solution.

“I told him about his mother’s disappearance.

“‘She’s over there,’ he said. ‘I know her. I’ll go and get her, and don’t you move from here.’

“I wanted to tell him not to go, but I didn’t dare. How can you tell someone to abandon his mother? I begged him to wait for night to fall, but he didn’t answer. He left and didn’t return until sunset. He said he’d seen her and that she’d refused to come back with him. She was sitting alone on top of the ruins.

“A ruined village, and a woman sitting on top of the remains of her house, and a man trying to persuade her to go with him, and her stubborn silence. He talked, and she remained silent. He’d ask her to come with him, but she’d pay no attention.