Lynne Tillman - American Genius - A Comedy

In Zulu the word for time is isikhathi, and many nouns, generally those indicating time, or periods of time, may be used adverbially, without change or inflection. The noun is the master of the Zulu sentence, and the verbs, adjectives, relatives and possessives in the same sentence must be in concordance with it. The Zulu verb with all its inflected forms and manners and implications and tenses and moods is a very intricate and elaborate instrument of thought, capable of conveying many shades and refinements of meaning. I don't know that I could say this about English verbs. The words and simple sentences the manual requires me to learn first must be of signal importance to its users, so I started a list of commensurate phrases and words I would set forth first in English. My name is. Your name is? Name isn't in the Zulu manual, and that's a pleasant surprise, since everywhere I go, people learn each others' names, though here only first names, because it's considered an imposition to know a fellow resident's last name, as it might reveal more than the person wants, since society, the one I now inhabit especially but all of it that I know too, sometimes needs anonymity and protection. When a newcomer arrives and comes across a resident, the newcomer is instantly transformed into a fellow resident and asked his or her name, it's automatic and expected that you provide it, but were you to answer, "I prefer not to," as Bartleby did, your stay might be thorny, since resistance to protocol disturbs the peace of mind of others, so that, at breakfast, it would be remarked that you hadn't given your name, along with speculation and comment about the head cook, the assistant cook, the freshly baked muffins that were served to unanimous acclaim, or the sorry meal at last evening's dinner. The staff would also object to a resident's not being agreeable, since agreeability is a necessary trait allowing the community to persist, since all residents are allowed a high degree of freedom, even though many carry pasts that could, in other situations, engender or call forth a more rigorous guidance or surveillance, but all have been placed on their honor, which is also at stake, and asked to rely on their consciences, a murky business, and must demonstrate regard not only for themselves, but also for the others, as well as for the staff who serve the community for a price, which many residents don't pay in sufficient amounts. A man here called JD, whose wife ten years before was murdered and whose murderer hasn't been apprehended, can't pay his fees, but a fund exists for such residents to provide them relief, especially when they're able, as JD is, to trade or contribute skills. JD sweeps the leaves from the grounds during the fall, washes windows and scrubs floors, fixes the plumbing, acts as a handy man, and, with help from a generous donor, whom no has met but who has come forward anonymously to several of us over the years-the Green Lady, she's called-he is permitted to come and go frequently, to attend lectures, eat all meals, and to further his investigation into bees, whose hives he knows how to care for and about which he has spawned several theories and projects, especially about honey, which is no better nutritionally than white sugar, but which he believes has healing powers. He smears honey on his body, shapes objects from it, and always smells of it. His dominant smell in no way deflects me from seeing him always as the man whose wife was murdered. Honey is the dominant ingredient in the wax the Polish woman uses on my legs.

After she finishes working on me, I religiously wonder if the tip I hand the Polish aesthetician is sufficient, but I can't figure out precisely the right gratuity, not being privy to her salary, and how much I'm meant to augment it, I may give her too much or too little, and I'm also not sure whether to offer her the same amount each time. On my second visit, I felt I had given her too little, when I had little cash with me, and the next day I returned, ringing the doorbell, which she had to answer, as she's alone in the cramped salon most of the time, and when she came to the door, her skin flushed from her exertions over another client, I couldn't discern whether my unannounced appearance was an annoyance or simply one more neutral incident in her workday. She unlocked and opened the heavy, glass door, I slipped my hand into hers, with a five dollar bill in it, and said, "I believe I didn't give you enough yesterday," but nothing registered on her vacant face, so I can't record a reaction, since the vacant expression that usually is hers didn't change, not even infinitesimally. I have no idea if she appreciated my returning, disliked it, or if making the effort to bring her a larger tip might have in some way humiliated her, since people are quickly humiliated. Humiliation colors the skin, floods it, actually, with blood, or unwanted feeling, and few escape its ravishments.

The English built a society around and against embarrassment, since they fear it, no one of them wants to be embarrassed or to embarrass others, but it's more than not wanting, it's a potent, silent anxiety, so subtlety condemns them to understatement, but when at parties they drink heavily, rage, make false or true accusations, or behave licentiously, they forget embarrassment, and their bad acts are usually forgotten the next day when no one mentions the other's objectionable behavior, since they aren't Puritans. Persecuted Puritans fled England for America, where they thrived, and in America conversations and news about crimes, sinful nights, or a sinner's bad acts are received with a thrill, since the wickedness of others invigorates Puritans, and many go West, young men and others, to be lawless, since outlaws are Puritan Antichrists. As a consequence of their sins, sinners-Methodists believe everyone is a sinner-who bring shame to themselves and their families will just work harder, supposedly, to overcome their weaknesses. The English upper classes especially don't want to appear to work hard or to be called intellectuals, and they despise Puritans. Here, in this place for serenity and repose, not a day goes by when I'm not privy to some small shameful or shameless episode, loose talk, or am established even briefly as a subject of conversation, of which I am mostly unaware, happily. One resident or guest, who prefers "guest" as she insists she makes her own decisions, complains incessantly about her closest friends, who are not here, and I am glad not to be one of them, and in her complaints, like most sensitive people, she is blameless. But I am a Puritan who also has ignoble and disgraced thoughts. Separatists chose to be Congregationalists rather than Presbyterians whose church had a hierarchy; the Separatists formed individual congregations with as few as four members, on the basis that sainthood could be divined from those who desired to be members, a tautological wish. The Separatists wanted a holy kingdom, and probably most English people thought theirs was holy enough and felt bothered, since another's righteousness is a nuisance and insulting. In the New World, the Puritans strove for salvation, unimpeded by Parliament, the king, and venerable and rigid traditions, though they knew sin was inevitable, that no matter how hard they worked, they would never have certainty of God's love or if they were good, which was anyway preordained. Still, they had to prove their virtue in this life to achieve a place in heaven, and so they praised rectitude and accumulated, and the more they had, the more they decided God had demonstrated his love to them. They saved and prayed they were saved and followed their God's law, and, far away from the landed gentry they once feared or honored, they took possession and claimed the land, directing a furious violence against its brown- and red-skinned possessors, the earlier claimants, whom they smote with the vindictiveness and passion they felt toward the English and other Europeans who'd persecuted them. The Puritans slaughtered without compunction, because they would not be stopped in the creation of their heaven on earth. Manifest Destiny is also a Puritan's idea, and the history of civilization is dominated by the missions of righteous conquerors.