Gordon Lish - Collected Fictions

So whoever heard of a name like Pynchon?

Tell me, Jerome, this is a name for a serious person? Believe me, darling, your father is willing to learn. So there is an area code somewhere where with a name like this the people there would not all look at you sideways?

So the child could not take Thomas and, just like my sonny boy himself, he couldn't go ahead and stick for himself maybe a little trim up there up on the top of it?

THIS IS WHY I say to you, Jerome, you have to give comfort where comfort is due. But I promise you, boychik, in this case it's a pleasure, the woman is a living doll, so svelte it would break your heart. And meanwhile, I'm telling you, it's no trouble. I hear the creature crying both her eyes out, it's such an effort to run next door? So maybe this is where I was if you called last night and your father wasn't here to pick it up. So you called, darling? Tell me, you really went ahead and called? You know what, Jerome? I say you used the brains God gave you and you waited for when they knock the rates down and it would not cost you no arm and no leg for just for you to say hello to your father and also Happy High Holy Days!

Tell me, sweetheart, did your father figure it out?

So since when does a father not know a son?

Don't worry, boychik, when all is said and done, a father knows, a father knows — even if he don't go knocking himself out to broadcast it to the whole building. But Merv, Jerome, Merv you promised me you'll get busy and take care of it. Because I'll tell you something, darling. Can your father let you in on a big secret? A promise is a promise, yes? Because you remember when years and years ago you sat yourself down and you wrote about this woman who was so fat and like all day long this creature sits on her porch and listens to the radio? Darling, I'm going back years now, but tell me, do you remember? So because this creature was so lonely and also dying and so forth, it was you yourself which said, please God, the people on the radio should all get together and do for her their very utmost, since what's the woman got in the whole wide world for herself except the people which are, you know, which are talking on the radio? Sweetheart, sonny boy, I don't have to tell you it was you yourself which said this with your own two lips. So don't make a federal case, Jerome — is it such a big difference that I your father got a television? It's the same principle, Jerome, it's the same principle! Please, darling, for your father, and so please God you would not have to contradict yourself, be a sport and go on Merv and sit there and talk to the man like an adult. And if it is so important to you that it has to be a fat woman which is listening, and if your own father's own personal suffering is not sufficient for you, Jerome, then be a good boy and do it for my Gert, darling, do it for this adorable person, Mrs. Pinkowitz!

So all right, so who is not so svelte, so sue me!

So your father told a little fib.

So send G-men and tear his tongue out!

The creature is dieting, Jerome. Did you hear me? Dieting! So between you and me, as of this date and time did she actually get anywhere with it yet? So svelte was an exaggeration, so svelte was poetic license, so no big deal, okay?

I'm telling you, darling, this woman is so fat it would break your heart just for you to look at her! Hey, you know what I can't wait to say? Because all I can't wait to say is thank God 305 is Gert's area code and you'll never have to notice!

Boychik, are you listening to me?

So you're already the most wonderful son in the whole wide world, no arguments, your father admits it, when was there ever a better boy? So now go be an angel on top of it, Jerome! For a woman who is fat and who is in agony and who is a saint if I your father ever saw one, tell Merv here you come for Gert Pinkowitz, plus for each and every area code from coast to shining coast.

Love and kisses

from your adoring father,

and also Happy High Holidays!

P.S. Did I tell you about Goldbaum is passing away? The same Goldbaum which went and took the cruise on the slave ship, Jerome, the man which has the son which got married to the blonde? So Goldbaum is on his deathbed and it's good-bye and good luck — so your father didn't tell you already? But all right, Goldbaum is an old man, he's got no alibis, he's got no complaints, that's it and that's it, let's get it over with. So did I tell you this, Jerome? Because I want you with your own two ears to hear what happens next when the man says to his son which is sitting with him like with the deathwatch with him, "Kiddo, you have been a wonderful boy to me, from you as a child in my whole life your father has never himself had nothing but the utmost joyousness, so good-bye and good luck and here personally is a last loving kiss." And the boy, Jerome, he says to Goldbaum, "Well, you have been great, just great, and, no kidding, we'll miss you a lot." And Goldbaum answers him, he says to his son, "Forget it, kiddo, when that's it, that's it, it's time to call it quits." So this is when the man shuts his eyes and lays back down again to show everybody forget it he is ready to pass away. But then the next thing you know Goldbaum opens up his eyes and he like gives the air these little tiny sniffs.

Are you paying attention, Jerome? The man is sitting up and with his nose up in the air the man is going like this, darling — he's going sniff, sniff, sniff. So then he says, "Tell me, sweetheart, is Mama in the kitchen?" And the boy answers him, the boy says to Goldbaum, "Mama is in the kitchen. Mama is making chopped liver in the kitchen."

Do you hear this, Jerome? "Mama is in the kitchen. Mama is making chopped liver in the kitchen." So this is when Goldbaum says to his son, "Look, darling, you will be a sweetheart and you will go into the kitchen and for your father who is passing away you will come back here with a little taste for me, and please God, I only got a couple of seconds, so you'll hurry."

Jerome, did you hear each and every word of this? What Goldbaum says to his son, you really honestly heard? Because I want for you to hear how the son answers the man, Jerome! Even if you could not believe it with your own two ears, I your father want you to hear!

Because, as God is my judge, darling, the man's child says to the man, he says to him, "Daddy, I can't, Daddy — it's for after."

Did you hear this, Jerome?

"It's for after."

With these very words the child answers the father!

"It's for after."

Jerome? Sweetie boy?

So are you listening to me?

There is no after!

So God bless you and let this be a lesson to you and now go and do what your father says!

— WHEN DID YOU FIRST MEET Gordon Lish?

— Nineteen thirty-four. In Hewlett, which is a place which is about twenty miles outside of New York City.

— Was there anything notable about him at the time? Did he strike you as in anywise out of the ordinary?

— No, not anything I can think of. But the conditions were special. There was, he claims, a blizzard that day — the eleventh day of February, nineteen thirty-four. I know this seemed meaningful to the fellow, a sort of sign of sorts. For as long as I've known the man, he every so often speaks to what seems to him to be the significance of snowstorms in his life. You know, big snows showing up on his birthdays and the like.

— He is fascinated with himself.

— Oh, sure, but, you know — who isn't?

— You kept in pretty close touch with Lish after that first meeting?

— You bet. I thought he was tremendously good company, a placid sort and enormously harmless. Oh, he was easy to be with, all right. Not much on his mind, but what little there was he'd share with you, no hesitation, not the least of it. Besides, it was never a problem keeping track of him. I mean, he stayed close to home back in those days — few friends, few outings, a dreamer chiefly. Could sit for hours just staring. It was pleasant. To tell you the truth, it was a comfort just to keep an eye on him — restful, restorative. You know. . certain persons give you certain feelings. Well, I liked him — I suppose this explains everything.