Steve Katz - Kissssss - A Miscellany

“You'd like barbecued brother better, anyway. Right?”

Dojie screwed up her face in exasperation. Even though he knew this was happening, Eukan couldn't take it seriously while he was in his own home. He'd always felt secure here.

“At least I got to build my boat.”

“Eukan, look straight into this. It's not about building a boat. It's not a hobby. It's keeping you alive so I can have a brother. You can't be just some meal for the progs. I don't want to have to look at them and say, ‘There's my brother, in their bellies.’”

“You shouldn't call them progs.”

“You'd better leave now.” She stomped her green foot for emphasis.

“I'm already gone, Dojie. But first I've got to get some of my things organized, figure out what I want to take, tell all my gawks goodbye. I can't just leave, like leave. In a couple of days I'll be ready.”

He was the most gruelly brother, far beyond exasperation. “And in the meanwhile you're going to stay in the house?”

“I guess so.”

“Sleep here? In your own room? Don't do it.”

“Yes. I will.” Her objection made him more stubborn.

“They'll find you for sure. Then you'll be toast, I mean worse than burnt. Eukan, you are such a gruel.”

“Why do you use those weird words? Prog? Gruel?”

“You call them your gawks. What kind of word is that?”

“That's what they are. What's a gruel?”

“You!”

No one had to convince Ajieck to stay with the boat. It was love, immediately, first-sight. He would have been there even if Eukan hadn't asked him. He was so in awe of his friend, his primary gawk, who had built this, had made the trek into the mountains, and come back with a boat. Eukan was definitely the most elevated of all the gawks in Monisantaca, in their circle or in any other. Ajieck saw the boat and knew immediately that this was where he was going to stay forever. Live in this boat. Make his home in this boat. Heaven is this boat. He packed everything of his own he could take away from Ronyalmy's house. She was his foster mother, and she was okay, but she was getting older and would be relieved he was gone anyway. She'd do better with another kid, perhaps a bridey, because girls are preferable. He and Eukan could leave Monisantaca altogether, leave all the parents, and all the circles of gawks, and all the schoolteachers and coaches and his music tutor, whom he loved; but so what! He'd take his trombone. It would be so great to practice as they floated down the river. Eukan would have his mandolin. It was a little scary, but they were both ready to leave, Eukan to escape the pünkscheit , Ajieck just to leave and find out what his own life was going to be. Mandolin-trombone duets all the way to Slegeslona and beyond.

As soon as he woke up, and washed his face in the river, and ate a few of the biscuits Ronyalmy had packed for him, he took his trombone out of its case, put a mute in the bell, and sat down on the stool she had let him take from the house. It gave him a little twinge to think of how nice his foster mom was, and how these biscuits were to be the taste of his final separation from her. He played a few long blue notes in honor of Ronyalmy, of Monisantaca, of all his gawks, though not Eukan who was on his side of the blues, but of all the teachers, of his kayaking coach, of everything he was soon going to leave behind.

It was those long muted trombone notes that Eukan was shocked to hear as he approached the boat in the morning. He saw the tarp stretched over the stern, and couldn't believe Ajieck had let this happen. Someone was in the boat. When he looked over the gunwale he was even more disturbed to see it was Ajieck himself. He had trusted his friend just to guard it; but here he was taking up all the space, his stuff piled up like junk under the tarp in the stern.

“Ajieck! What's going on? What's all this stuff doing here?”

“It's all that we'll need.”

“It's my boat, Ajieck. I made this boat.” Something had been violated, he felt. When he brought it down the river it had been so pristinely his and now someone had filled this most private secret sacred space with alien stuff. “This is my boat, Ajieck.”

“It's just… If we leave, I thought… We can use all this… ”

“When did I say you could come with me?”

“We always talk about it, how we were leaving together, how we were going to go, what we were going to eat. Now why are you being stupid? I thought this time… ”

“It's my boat. Who asked you to stuff it up like this? I don't know where I'll end up. I'm the one who has to get out of here. It'll be dangerous, and weird. You don't know how weird it's already been.”

“So? That's even more why I have to come. You can't do this without me.”

“I can. I already built my boat. I already got this far.”

“This far is only where you started from.”

“So what? It wasn't easy. I did it myself. You didn't even see what I had to do.”

“You could have done it better if I was there.”

Eukan clenched his fists. “What could be better than this boat? You can't come. What makes you think you can come?”

“I'm coming. I already left.”

“You can't come.”

“I'm coming. I said goodbye to Ronyalmy already. She gave me this stool.”

“You can't.”

“I am.”

“Yak yak yak yak yak,” mocked Dojie, looking down from over the gunwale. Nonawi peeked her head over too. Ajieck sat back down with his trombone, and blew some spit out the spit valve.

“Wow, look at this,” said Nonawi, jumping into the boat. “It's so big.”

“My brother, Eukan, built this,” Dojie said, proudly, as she followed her friend into the boat. “By himself, alone.”

“And all this good stuff you've got to take with you,” Nonawi said, looking at Ajieck's possessions piled neatly under the tarp.

“It's just stuff,” Eukan said, grumpily. “I don't need any stuff. And I don't need someone else in my boat.”

Nonawi stepped closer to him, and put a hand on his head. She was several inches taller than he. “What do you mean? I see a sleeping bag, a shovel, what must be a tent. There's a box of food. You'll need everything when you go.” She looked at Dojie, then pulled Eukan against her body. “I told you I just wanted to squeeze him,” she said to Dojie.

“Fumm nopf fing nywhff,” said Eukan, as she held his face pressed into her breasts.

“What?” Nonawi pushed him away, to arm's length. “What did you say, sweety?”

“I'm not going to go anywhere.”

Ajieck, who was softly imitating the sounds of their conversation on his trombone, blew a dramatic low note at this last statement.

“Eukan!” Dojie was alarmed. “When did you decide this, now? You can't not go. That's crazy. Tell him, Nonawi.”

“That's crazy,” she said.

“Tell him more.”

“Your whole life is in danger.” She tried to hold him again, but he pushed away. “Your whole future.” Nonawi wiped some tears from her eyes.

The boy grouched around, looking at Ajieck, who continued calmly playing notes. Eukan hit the slide of the trombone with his knee, and grunted aggressively.

“Tell him more. Tell him what happened to your brother,” Dojie insisted.

“I can't tell that. I don't ever want to think about it again.”

Ajieck played a long C-sharp, and Eukan smacked the bell of his trombone with the back of his hand. “I won't go anywhere. I don't care. I live here.”

“You can't mean that. You can't live here, and live, Eukan.”

“I don't care.”

“Tell him, Nonawi.”

Nonawi sank to her haunches, back pressed against the side of the boat. “Okay. I'm going to tell you about this. It's a horrible story, and I never tried to tell anyone before. If I even think about it I'm crazy for weeks. But I have to help you, Eukan. I don't want Dojie to lose her brother like I lost mine. This is what happened to my brother. Do you remember Verri Hoxnepi? My big brother? You don't, do you?”