John Barth - The Sot-Weed Factor

"All through this time I'd not seen Father once, nor did I wish to. Captain Mitchell told him I was ill and that the money was for medicine. When all was gone the poor man near lost his mind; he begged for more money, but Captain Mitchell bade him indent himself to the captain of the ship, who then would sell the indenture-bond in port. My father sold himself at first for two years, then for four, and all the money went to Captain Mitchell for my medicine.

"One day near the end o' the passage Captain Mitchell gave his wife two phials instead of one, and two more after that, until she died before my eyes. Inasmuch as we had no physician, and everyone knew of the lady's illness, she was buried at sea and no questions asked. When we raised St. Mary's City, Father's bond was sold to a Mr. Spurdance on the Eastern Shore, and 'tis the last I've seen o' him in these five years. Captain Mitchell moved into a fine large house in St. Mary's, and no longer did I pose as Elizabeth Williams (save in bed), but was Susan Warren, his indentured servant.

"I was wont to say to myself 'St. Mary's City, St. Mary's City,' and in my opium dreams it was St. Susan's City, that I ruled over, and Christ came down and swived me night by night. One morning Mrs. Sissly, the neighbor woman, said, 'Miss Warren, thou'rt with child,' and I said, 'Mrs. Sissly, if I am with child 'twas inspired by no man, but by the Holy Ghost.' But Mrs. Sissly thought 'twas some manservant of the town I'd lain with, and told the tale to Captain Mitchell. He fell into a rage on hearing the news, for all he was the father; he told Martha Webb, the cook, to boil me an egg next morning, and he put a horrid physic in't, and made me eat it all. Then he put a towel round his neck and told Mrs. Webb he had physicked himself, and not to allow any visitors whilst he was a-purging. 'Twas a terrible strong physic, that had me three days purging strongly on the close-stool. It made me ill besides, and scurvied all my body; I broke out in boils and blains, and lost the hair off head and privates. Then the babe in my womb was murthered dead by't, and I knew wherefore he'd given it me to take. .

" 'What think ye now?' he said. 'Will ye try that trick again?' And I said, 'That child was holy, sir; 'twas fathered on me by Jesus in your person.' And 'Jesus Christ indeed!' said he. 'There is no such person, Sister, nor any Holy Ghost!' And he said he was astonished that the world had been deluded these many years by a man and a pigeon.

"Now these blasphemies were heard by Mrs. Webb and Mrs. Sissly, that ofttimes listened outside our doors, and being both good Christian women they took the tale to the sheriff. Captain Mitchell was summoned to the next grand jury and charged with fraud, murther, adultery, fornication, blasphemy, and murtherous intent. I did rejoice withal, despite he had the opium and my life would end with his.

"But, alas, I recked without the man's position, and the evil o' Maryland's courts: Captain Mitchell was fined a sniveling five thousand pounds o' sot-weed, whereof one third was remitted by the Governor, while I — that God knows had endured enough — I was sentenced to thirty-nine lashes on my suffering naked back, by the courthouse door, for leading a lewd course o' life! They also took my master's post away — not for his wickedness, but for his blasphemies — and freed me from my indenture. But little good that did me, that for my next phial must indent myself again, and take another bastinado at his hands!

"We moved then to this place in Calvert County, and my master plants tobacco. I am more wretched than e'er before, for since the physic robbed my beauty hell not have me now but once in a passing while. He courts a new girl, only lately come from London, a wee child of a thing that hath the face of Elizabeth Williams and myself, and he treats her like a queen the while I'm set to drive the swine. Yet he gives me still my phials, and I well know why: 'twill not be long ere I hold her for him, while he puts the first opium in her mouth and calls her Sister Elizabeth. I shall get no more phials after that: I will fling myself to drown in yon Patuxent and be well out of't, and he will have his new young sister for good and all. .

"God curse that man and this province!" the woman cried finally, leaning upon her staff to weep. "Would Christ I had died while yet a maiden girl, in my father's little coopery on the Thames!"

Ebenezer and Bertrand listened dumb struck to this tale, which done the poet cried, "Out on't, but your master is the Devil himself! Charles, Charles! Where is the majesty of Maryland's law, when a woman is used so ill? I would to Heav'n my baggage were here and not God alone knows where; then would I fetch up my sword, and this Captain Mitchell speak nimbly!"

"Ah nay, ye dare not," Susan warned. "Let fall but a word of what I've said, and we're all dead men."

"In that event," the Laureate said after some reflection, "he shall not have the honor of my visit. Aye, the boor shall learn how decent folk shun such beasts as he!"

"B'm'faith!" commented Bertrand. " 'Tis a fearsome punishment you exact, sir!"

Susan straightway recommenced her weeping. " 'Tis done, then!" she declared. " 'Tis o'er and done!"

"How's that?" the poet inquired. "What's done?"

"I," the maid replied, "for when I saw your face and heard o' your wondrous office, my poor brain hatched a plan. But what I hatched, ye've scotched, and 'tis done for Susan Warren."

"A plan, you say?"

The swine-girl nodded. "To make my escape and be rid o' that antichrist my master."

"Pray lay it open, then, that we might judge it."

"I know," she said, "that some time past, when Captain Mitchell found this newest prey, I guessed my phials would soon become a burthen to him and so, while feigning to eat the whole of the contents, in fact I laid by a little every time and saved it in my snuffbox. Of each phial I ate a grain less and saved a grain more, till now I've near a month's worth in reserve; and I have farther hid my one good dress, that Mrs. Sissly gave me to be flogged in. Now I have it privily that Father's indenture is run out, and Mr. Spurdance his master hath given him twenty acres of his own to till on the Eastern Shore. If I can flee from this evil house I shall make my way to my father's farm and hide myself till my cure is done; then he and I shall seek passage back to London."

"Brave plans!" said Bertrand, whose sympathy the swine-maid's plight had won entirely. "What can we do to aid ye?"

"Ah, sir!" wept Susan, still addressing Ebenezer. "These brave plans were fond indeed, should I simply strike out on the road. The law goes hard on fleeing servants, and my back thirsts not for farther stripes. What I require to fly this sink o' Hell fore'er is but a sum of silver, that ye would not miss; I have found a boatman that will risk flogging to sail me o'er the Bay, but he demands his fare. Two pounds, my lord!" she cried, and greatly disconcerted the Laureate by falling to her knees before him and embracing his legs. "Two pounds will send me safe to my dear father! Oh, sir, refuse me not! Think of someone ye love in these sad straits — thy sister, or some sweetheart!"

" 'Fore God, I would 'twere in my power to help you," Ebenezer said, "but I am penniless. I've but this trifling ring, here, made of bone — "

He drew it ruefully from his shirt to show his poverty, but at sight of it Susan jumped up and cried, "God save us! Whence came that ring?"

"I may not tell," the poet replied. "Why doth the sight of it alarm you?"

"No matter," said Susan, and clutched at the fishbone ring that hung still on its thong about the poet's neck. "It hath a certain value in the market, and methinks the boatman will accept it for his fare."