Alina Bronsky - Just Call Me Superhero

“You have to get out of here!”

I sighed. She peered into the hallway and then shoved me out of the room.

I ran up to the attic. The clothes that I’d grabbed off the floor and thrown on stuck to my skin. The fact that Marlon would be waiting for me under the roof didn’t bother me. I wanted to tell him everything. Since he couldn’t even see me, it would make it easier. Then he’d say something and I could go on with my life.

Marlon wasn’t there. His travel bag wasn’t there. The bed was made. On the nightstand was one of my socks.

I stumbled down the stairs.

“Claudia! What the hell?”

The kitchen was empty.

I ran through the rooms. Where the tables had stood, the tiles were gleaming again. The dishwasher was on. I scratched the back of my neck. Then I went upstairs again and looked in all the rooms except Tammy’s. Nobody was there. No Friedrich, no Richard. No sign of Janne. Not even Claudia or Evgenija. And no Ferdi.

This must have been what it felt like to go crazy.

I heard a scraping noise out in the garden. I opened the patio door and immediately wished I could close it again. But he had already turned around.

“Hello, Dirk,” I said, jammed in the half-open door.

He was holding a huge blue plastic bag in his hands. He leaned down and picked something up and tossed it into the bag. I had the feeling that I’d already been part of a similar scene a few days before.

“I didn’t know that you were here.” I shielded my face from the sun with my hand. Only now did I realize I’d forgotten my sunglasses. I apologized.

“No problem.” He looked at me in a way meant to telegraph how cool he was with it. “We actually spoke yesterday.”

“Really?” Out of surprise I took my hand away from my face.

“Of course. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come earlier to help out. I had to be in court, there was no way around it.”

“No problem,” I said repeating his words. “And you were here the whole time yesterday?”

He let the bag drop to the ground and came up the steps onto the patio. He put out his arms and hugged me so tightly I had to fight for air.

“Let me say this again in peace and quiet. I’m very sorry. Your father must have been a wonderful man. I feel for you guys.”

I nodded, then freed myself and gratefully created a bit of space between us. He went back to the garbage bag.

“Wait!” I called, worried that he too might disappear into thin air. I wanted to ask him about the others but I didn’t know how.

At that moment I heard the familiar sound of tires on the gravel driveway, car doors closing, the click of heels on the flagstones.

“Breakfast!” called Evgenija and Claudia simultaneously.

Ferdi had asked whether we could eat on the patio. I hadn’t heard him ask for anything during all the time I’d been here. Together with Dirk I carried a round table out. Claudia filled a bamboo bowl with rolls and croissants from a paper bag as big as a child.

“Uh,” I said. “Where are my… ” She looked at me. I didn’t know how to ask her about them. If she realized how hysterical I was becoming she’d definitely start worrying.

“Your…?”

“Yes.”

She smiled with her broad mouth. Her eyetooth was red with lipstick. “They had to catch an early train. We took them to the station in two cars. Where did you sleep? The only room we didn’t look for you in was the garage. Is that where you were?”

“Yeah.”

She jabbed me in the ribs. I held her hand.

“Claudia,” I said. “I don’t deserve you.”

“I know.” She put marmalade jars on a tray and handed it to me. The milk and coffee pot she gave to Dirk, who was waiting next to me.

“Now go,” she said to him because he didn’t budge and was standing there staring at her with his mouth open. “Have you never seen me before or what?”

I went out quickly. Ferdi was tipping back on his chair the same way I always used to. But he couldn’t yet do it very well. He looked as if he might tip over at any second and hit his head on the stone slabs. I tried to imagine what would happen then. I grabbed his chair at the exact point that it started to go over. Ferdi didn’t even realize he was going to fall. He was annoyed until I picked him up and put him on my shoulders.

“Stay,” said Ferdi from above. “All the others need to go, but you should stay.”

“I’ll stay,” I said. “Another whole day.”

In the end I stayed two days, a whole day longer than Claudia and Dirk, a half day longer than Tammy’s mother. Claudia and Dirk had to work. Dirk waited next to the open passenger door while Claudia hugged first Tammy and then her mother. Then she put her arms out toward me, reconsidered, and pinched my cheek.

“You don’t always have to hurt me, Mother,” I said.

She peered into my eyes and shook her head as if I’d done something wrong again. As if I’d done everything in my life wrong. Everyone watched closely. This wasn’t the moment to ask her questions.

“Drive carefully,” I said and then they were gone.

Mama Jenny kept practicing a Russian poem with Ferdi right up to her departure. I didn’t ask whether I should go with her to the airport. Ferdi didn’t go, either. I held him in my arms as if he was three instead of six so his Ukrainian grandmother could kiss him goodbye without bending down. I couldn’t shake the feeling that she still looked at him skeptically, like there was something that bothered her about him. In essence she looked at him the same way Claudia looked at me.

She kissed me three times on the cheek then, with an impish smile, she ripped off my sunglasses.

It took my breath away.

She tossed the glasses to her feet and stepped on first one lens and then the other with her heels. The glass shattered. Evgenija swept the shards aside with her foot and got into the car as Tammy honked impatiently. Tammy didn’t see a thing. I put Ferdi down. He avoided looking at me.

“That grandma, huh?” I said. I was happy to be alone for a moment at last. Nearly alone. Ferdi leaned against my legs and oddly enough it didn’t bother me one bit.

We were both asleep on the couch when Tammy got home. I sensed her shadow on my face even through my new glasses, and woke up.

“Your mother isn’t too thrilled about your career as a gold digger, eh?” I whispered because Ferdi was still asleep. “She no doubt had great hopes for you, a distinguished academic track, and now you’re just sitting around in this crap town going gaga. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“It’s none of your business. Is this yours?”

“Did you try to trick him? Did you want to stay in Germany? But the era when a girl like you would be willing to get pregnant so easily is long gone. When I saw your mother I knew immediately that you didn’t need to do that.”

“ He tricked me ,” said Tammy wearily. “He was apparently sure he was sterile. I thought maybe he’d had a vasectomy after you. A child was the last thing I wanted. And now he’s gone forever and I’m left to dole out the soup. So tell me, is this yours?”

Now I noticed that Tammy was holding a medium-sized blue bag in her hands.

“No.”

“Did Claudia forget it maybe?”

“Maybe.” Then I sat up and carefully pushed Ferdi’s feet off my groin and took the bag. I knew immediately who it belonged to. My heart was in my mouth.

“I’ll call her,” I mumbled, pushing past Tammy and running upstairs.

I locked the door and put a chair in front of it. I sat down on the bed, but it didn’t seem secure enough so I sat on the chair blocking the door. I closed my eyes, felt around for the zipper, and opened the bag. Then I pulled out the camera, turned it on, and pushed play.