James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

What if he had set a trap? What if he had set it at a certain station? He could have done that before he left the house and then he would just look and see. There was nothing I could do. I just carried on playing football. I did not want to go home. But when it came teatime I just went. Lucky for me he was not home, and not when I went to bed. When I got up for school next morning there he was. He came home very late.

One day he would leave and I would get the room to myself. It would be mine to do whatever I wanted. I could even put a lock on the door and ye would need a key to get in.

At his school they expelled people. If ye did not do yer lessons they expelled ye. Well I would not do them and get expelled. I did not tell any of the boys about it all. Imagine I did. Imagine Podgie. I was up their bit and we were talking and I just said, Oh I am joining the BB.

So am I, he said.

Gary was with us. Are you joining too? I said.

I might or I might no.

That was Gary. He never done much except just walk about. Other ones were joining the BB too and then there was the Bible Class. I was going to that as well. I did not care.

***

I started climbing back up the loft. I did not need my da's step-ladders and I did not need anybody to help me. Ye just watched it when ye climbed onto the landing wall. Once ye were up ye saw yer feet did not make creaking noises. If it was Mitch sometimes he did not do it right and ye thought if somebody heard us down below. I telled him all the time, Oh Mitch just watch it or ye will fall through the ceiling. He got worried and went slow but if it was too slow it was no good and ye just creaked on the rafters, so ye had to go quite quick. Imagine they were sitting watching the telly and ye went through the ceiling. Oh look, and it was your leg coming down. Ye saw it in the pictures, the family is eating their tea and the burglar runs across the roof then falls through it and lands on their table right in their food, Oh pardon me, and then he runs away. But if it was yer da and it happened, he would kill ye.

A wee brick wall split our loft from the one up the next close. I climbed over it and went along. I had fags and matches planked in at the edge. I did not usually smoke unless with people and it was draws each, but now I was going to. I went to get them but they were not there. I had not been up for ages so if somebody had stole them. I checked along further, there was a lot of places, but I could not find them. Somebody had stole them. I did not know other boys who went up. Maybe if workies were up, I saw their wee roof ladder, so if they took them. Their ladder was near where the skylight was. I could take it and get up to see out. Maybe I could open it. If I could and went out on the roof. Ye could sit up there and nobody could see ye. They would have to be on an airoplane.

That was the ronepipe, I did not like that about it how people saw ye, then if they telled yer maw. Ye just got bad rows, or else doings off yer da. But if it was the roof they could not see ye. But maybe they could if it was windows and they were looking out.

I heard noises. Usually it was birds ye heard or else doors slamming. I had another look for my fags then went back along to my own bit and the trapdoor was open, I had forgot to shut it. My da was waiting down below I did not see him. He came home early from work and saw the trapdoor open and knew it was me because it was me that went up. He just kept in at the side and did not speak till then I was dreeping down. I still did not see him, just getting my feet down onto the top of the wall. Ye had to be careful yer feet did not slip off and ye fell right down the landing and all the stairs. But I heard a noise and it was my maw, she was there too, Oh God, and then my feet touched down and I was on the landing wall, and my da just grabbed my legs and had me gripped and got me down and skelped me skelped me, bum and legs, just as hard, bam bam, bam bam, and against the door so I fell right in. My maw there. Oh Johnnie, that is enough now.

He will never learn he will never learn.

Bam bam, bam bam.

Oh Johnnie that is enough.

I did not care. So if he hit me. I did not care. Just if he done it another time, if ever he did. I did not want more doings. Not off of him. If he done it again, he would never do it again, so if he hit me, he just never would or I would just go away, I would just go away. I was too old to get hit by him. I would run away. I was going to. People ran away. Mitch done it. I was going to. I wanted to go to the highlands. Mitch done it there and he done it to England. I could go to England too if it was my Uncle Billy. I could just get a job, if it was a paperboy or a milkboy or just deliveries for something, if it was bacon parcels and sweetie bags, there was all jobs and I could get one and just save my money.

Some ran away and naybody knew where they went. They did not go to anywhere, just over the fields and faraway, miles and miles. They lived out in the wilds, maybe they found a cave. People had caves. Matt went with his Secondary School on a long weekend and they found one. They were in tents. It was away on an island. He said I would love it because climbing, ye could climb down all cliffs and ye saw birds' nests and all birds' droppings where ye put yer hands. They got special diving out in the deep sea. Ye went out on boats away out past the rocks. Ye went in off the boat and swam along just the breaststroke, then ye dived down and down. Ye went in off the back of the boat so it would not capsize. Oh but the water was freezing.

Matt said how they were all chittering but ye just got used to it. Ye all went away to the side and the man shouted yer orders so ye swam along straight and at a steady pace and if ye swam right out it was America next, but then ye dived down and it was slow motion, keeping yer legs straight up, down and down, and yer eyes open under the water then when yer feet came after ye ye just kicked hard, and down ye went to the bottom if ye could reach it, that was what ye were trying but it was dead deep and ye did not reach it. But the water was clear as daylight so ye could see everything, it was just great. They went on treks. Matt said it, Oh they took us on treks, way way along the shore then at the sides of the cliffs and down into it. The best for climbing, it was just great how ye could even just run up the sides, rock to rock and yer feet hit the right one, just watching for slippery stanes if there was seaweed and moss or if the waves splashed in, really it was the best place. In among the rocks there were pools of water, clear clean water, it was the cleanest, and ye found wee crabs and stuff in them and who knows, ye were looking for treasure, it was just how ye imagined. Matt said it. Ye went over one rock and down to another and then at the side ye saw something maybe sparkling, if it was diamonds and buried treasure from a shipwreck. Shipwrecks happened, and if all hands were lost. The cliffs were rocky and made it bad for boats during bad gales. My da said it too. The rocks went way way out underneath so the sailors did not see them. So it was dangerous for swimming too but when it was deep sea surface diving it was okay then, and ye could swim good except for currents.

But then they got the cave, the leader took them, he was a teacher from Matt's Secondary School. It was big and damp and went into a bigger cave and it was where the old highlanders were hiding. The Redcoats came to get them. They started a fire and burnt them all to death. They all were hiding and it happened. They were filled with smoke and laid down to die. If they came out the Redcoats stuck their bayonets into them.

If ye went far in there was bones. Matt said it. Bones were bleached. Other fires were there too, just wee ones for cooking, and that was shepherds and fishermen caught in a raging storm just keeping warm and dry. But there was other stuff too, like old beer cans and litter. And people had done's***es next to the walls. So ye might find other people using caves, if they were on the run, maybe murderers. Or else boys running away, maybe it was, ye could get jobs on a farm or on a fishing boat and just stay here till ye got fixed up or ye could buy a tent.