James Kelman - An Old Pub Near the Angel

Whin A goat therr big Moira wis in daen the cleanin up fir me bit she wisny long in pittin oan a pot i tea. Jist aboot evry time ye see her she’s either drinkin tea ir jist aboot tae pit it oan. So wir sittin in she’s bletherin away good style aboot her weans in the rest ay it whin aw if a sudden she tells me she’s gittin threw oot her hoose — aye in her four kids wi her. Said she goat a letter tellin her.

Canny dae it: A says.

Aye kin they no jist: says Moira: the coarpiration kin dae whit they like Stan.

Well A did know that is a matter i fact bit A also knew thit they widny throw a singil wummin in four weans oot inty the street bit A didny tell her that in case she thoat A wis oan therr side. Big Moira’s like that — a nice lassie, bit she’s ey gittin thins inty her heid aboot people so A said nothin. She telt me she wint up tae Clyde Hoose tae see the manager bit he wisny therr so she seen this young filla who telt her she’d hivty git oot in it wisny cause ay her debt (she owes thim a score back rent) naw it seems two ir three ay her neighbours wir up complainin boot the weans makin a mess in the close in shoutin in bawlin, ir somethin.

In thir’s nothing ye kin dae aboot it noo: he says tae her.

Well that wis a diffrint story in A wis beginnin tae believe her. She wis aw fir sortin it oot wi her neighbours bit A telt her no tae bother until she fun oot fir sure thit thir wis nae reprieve. Anywey she wint away hame efter gittin the weans aff her maw. So Moira hid tae git oot her hoose afore the end ay the month, course whether they’d cerry oot thir threat ir no wis a diffrint story. Surely the publicity alane wid pit thim aff? A must admit the merr A thoat aboot it the angrier A wis becomin. Naw — nice tae be nice — ye canny go aboot pittin the fear i death inty folk — speshly the wummin. Moira might be a big lassie bit she’s nae man tae back her up in whin it comes tae talkin they bastirts up it Clyde Hoose wid run rings roon her. Naw A know whit like it is masell kis A’ve hid ma run-ins doon it that broo aye in in it that National Assistance tae. Aye treat ye like A dont know whit in therr. A wis gittin too worked up so A picked up a book tae firget it fir a while. Anywey A fell asleep in the cherr — oot like a light in didny wake up tae near enough hauf past seven. Ma neck wis helluva stiff bit A didny bother wi the tea kis thir wis only a couple a oors tae go. A pit the coat oan in wint doon the road.

The Anchor wis crowded in A saw auld Erchie staunin near the domino table wherr he usually hings aboot if he’s skint, in case emdy waants a drink — he sometimes gits a drink fir gaun. A wint straight tae the bar in assed Sammy fir two gless a whisky in a couple a hauf pints in whin A went tae pey the man A hid fuck aw bit some smash in a note sayin ‘Give you it back tomorrow, Tony’. Forty quid in aw! A’ll gie ye it the morra! Fuckin cheek! Probly oor it Ashfield the noo daen the lot in. Forty notes! Well well well — in it wisny the first time. A mean he disny let me doon, he’s eywis goat it merr ir less whin he says he wid bit — nice tae be nice — know what A mean? See A gave him a sperr key whin we wir daen up the kitchen in let him hang oan tae it efterwirds kis sometimes he’s nae wherr tae sleep in A let him kip wi me. Moira’s maw his the other sperr yin tae let Moira in tae dae the cleanin up. Bit Tony drapped me right in it therr. Sammy’s staunin therr, sayin nothin while A’m readin the note. The order comes tae aboot seventy pence in A’ve only git six bob in change. A whispers sorry tae Sammy in tells him A’ve come oot wi oot ma money.

Right Stan, it’s aw right, A’ll see ye the morra. Don’t worry aboot it: says Sammy lookin at me.

Well it wisny bad ay him bit then A’ve bin inty him fir plenty wance ir twice before in it’s eywis bin therr whin A said it wid. A mean — nice tae be nice — somebody’s good enough tae gie ye it you be good enough tae gie it back — know whit A mean?

A gave the auld yin his drink in went in sat by massell. Tae be honest A didny feel in the mood fir either Erchie’s patter or the dominoes. Forty sovvies! Naw the merr A thoat aboot it the merr A knew it wis oot i order. Aw he hid tae dae wis wake me up in A’d iv gied him the fuckin money. Mibby kept a haunfill masell bit A’d iv gied him the rest. Bit naw he took it. Still he must iv needed it pretty bad ir he widny iv. Bit the daft bastirt’ll dae somethin stupit tae git it back, if he does it aw in it the dugs. Aw the worries ay the day whit wi big Moira in the weans gittin chucked oot in noo young Tony. Whit happens if they dae git chucked oot bit? Naw A canny see it. Possible bit! Might take a walk up Clyde Hoose masell in see whit it’s aw aboot. A kin talk whin A waant tae bit right enough whin they bastirts up therr git stertit they end up blindin ye wi science. Anywey A git inty Sammy fir a haunfill oan the strength i ma double broo money nix week, in wint hame early wi a hauf boattle in a big screwtap bit A didny tell auld Erchie.

Tony still hidny showed up by the Monday, that wis four days in A knew fine he widny till he hid the forty sovvies. It wis obvious he wid hiv tae go tae the thievin gemms tae, in A didny waant that bit how dae ye tell thim? A’ve tried tae A’m blue in the face — in anywey it’d be too late kis he wid hiv the money the nix time A saw him.

Big Moira came doon oan Tuesday mornin wi a letter sayin she’d definitely hiv tae be oot the hoose by the thertieth ir else they’d take ‘immediate action’. She wis in a helluva state in so wis her maw kis she couldny take thim, wi her only hivvin a single-end. A offered, bit a room in kitchen isny much better even though A’ve goat an inside toilet. Still A sippose it id dae it a pinch. Anywey A wint roon is minny factors is A could tae try in git her a hoose bit nae luck. Nothin! Nothin at aw. Ach A didny ixpect nothin anywey — A mean a singil wummin wi four weans, ye kiddin? Naw it wis hopeless so A telt her maw A’d go up tae Clyde Hoose in see if they’d offer alternit accomidation, in no tae worry kis they’d never throw thim inty the street. Singil wummin in four weans? Naw the coarpiration widny chance it. A’d ixplain the situation aw right. Imagine ixpectin her tae pey a fiver a week anywey! It’s beyond a joke. In she says the rooms ir damp tae, in whin she cawed in the sanitry they telt her tae open the windaes in let in the err. Open the windaes in let in the err? November? Aye in is soon is she turns her back aw the villains ir in screwin the meters in whit no. A wis ragin in whin A left the hoose in Wedinsday mornin A wis still helliva angry. Moira waantit tae come up wi me bit A telt her naw.

So A wint up tae Clyde Hoose in queued up tae see the manajir bit he wisny available so A saw the same wan Moira saw, a young filla cawed Mr Frederick. A done ma best tae ixplain bit he wisny botherin much in afore A’d finished he butts in sayin that in the furst place he’d ixplained evry thin tae Mrs Donnelly (Moira) in the department hid sent her two letters — in the second place it wis nane i ma business in then he shouted:

Nix please!

Will A loast ma rag it that in the nix thin A know A’m lyin here in that wis yesterday — Thursday — A’d been oot the gemm since A grabbed the snidey wee clerk by the throat. Lucky A didny strangil him tae afore A collapsed.

Dont even know if A’m gittin charged in tae be honest A couldny give two monkeys whither A um ir no. Bit that wis nothin, Moira’s maw comes up tae visit me this mornin in tells me the news. Seems young Tony gits back Wedinsday dinner time lookin fir me bit no finein me goes roon tae Moira’s maw who tells him the story. He says nothin tae her bit he wint away in goes straight up tae Clyde Hoose wherr he hings aboot till he fines oot who Mr Frederick is; then whin Mr Frederick goes hame a gang i thugs ir sipposed tae iv set aboot him in done him up pretty bad bit the polis only manajis tae catch wan i them in it turns oot tae be Tony who disny even run aboot wi emdy sep sometimes wee Shuggy. Anywey seems they’ll lay it heavy oan him kis ‘this type of young ruffian must be kept in check’.