James Kelman - Not Not While the Giro

But before Joe could continue Williams had stepped forward. The thing is, he said, the weight. You and Sammy, together you must make about 3 or 4 of the boy. If you two stand on the bottom end of the planks he’ll be able to get out at the top. You’ll balance him no bother.

Chas didnt reply and I glanced at Sammy.

Save us a hell of a lot of bother too, added Joe. What d’you think?

Eh. .

Joe sniffed and turned: What about yourself Sammy?

Ah, I’m no too sure Joe, being honest.

I think it’ll work fine, said Williams. He’s light — you two’ll balance him easy.

We could use three planks if you like, said Joe.

O naw. Sammy glanced at him: You couldnt use three planks. Naw Joe they’d just spread, it’d have to be two.

Aye. . Joe nodded. He took out a packet of cigarettes and offered them round everybody. What d’you reckon? he said to Chas.

Eh. . Chas sniffed. Then he shook his head slowly. I’m no sure Joe.

Worth a try but eh? Joe turned to me. Eh young yin? what d’you think? could you give it a go?

After a moment Williams said, Wait a minute, I’ve got a suggestion. What weight d’you think I am?

I shrugged.

Well I’m a good bit heavier than you though, agreed? Now look, if you and one of your mates take one end then I’ll go out the other. Well say the three of you.

That’s better, grinned Joe.

Williams tapped himself on the belly and chuckled, Dont remind me! No, seriously. . He looked to Sammy and Chas. The three of you to balance me as opposed to you two balancing the boy, what d’you say?

At least to give it a try, said Joe.

It’s no the same thing, I said.

Yes, said Williams, it’s only a try though.

Aye but the hammer. Sammy said, It’s the hammer Mr Williams — once it starts vibrating and the rest of it.

I know, fair enough.

It’s different from just standing there, I said.

Joe cleared his throat.

Tell you what, said Williams, while I’m out I’ll give it a blast with a hammer, will that do you?

I didnt reply.

Ah come on, said Joe.

But it’s no the same thing.

We’re no saying it’s the same thing.

I just want to see how it works, shrugged Williams.

There was a moment’s silence then Sammy came across the platform. No harm in seeing how it works, he said. Come on Chas. . He also waved me forward onto the planks. I hesitated but he nodded me on. He stood at the back, me in the middle, Chas to the front.

Right then Tom, said Joe to Williams, and he passed him a hammer with the chisel already fixed onto the nozzle. You ever worked one before?

Dont tell me — you pull the trigger! He took the hammer, checked it was securely attached to the air-hose then gave it a short burst. He manoeuvred his way along the planks, moving out on the top end, right over the gap at the bevel. Okay? he said.

Fine, called Sammy.

He put the chisel to the lining and triggered it off; the planks spread and we lost our footing, the hammer clattering and Williams yelled, but he managed to twist and get half onto the edge of the platform, clinging there with his mouth gaping open. Joe and Chas were already to him and clutching his arms, then me and Sammy were there and helping. When he got up onto the platform he sat for a long time, until his breathing approached something more normal. Nobody spoke during it all. His face was really grey. Joe had taken his cigarettes out and passed them round again. When he had given Williams a light he said, How you feeling Tom?

Williams nodded.

We continued smoking without speaking.

Eventually he glanced at Joe: Think I could do with a breath of fresh air.

Joe nodded. The four of us climbed down with him coming in between; he was still shaky but he managed it okay. When we came out of the tunnel he said, Jesus Christ. . He smiled and shook his head at us. Joe went with him.

Down at the lochside Joe reappeared, and distributed the wages and subsistence money. While we checked the contents against the pay-slips he gazed towards the foot of the loch. The mountain peaks were distinct. Below the summit of the Ben a helicopter was hovering. Joe watched it for a time. Good place this, he said, a rare view.

Full of tourists but. Sammy shook his head. Can hardly get moving for Germans.

Joe nodded, he lit a cigarette. Pity about that fucking bevel, he said, we’ll no manage to get the scaffolders out till Tuesday at the earliest — probably Wednesday. . He glanced in the direction of Sammy.

Aye.

Puts us back.

Sammy nodded. Then he sniffed. Mind you Joe there’s a fair bit of clearing up we can be getting on with — all that stuff we’ve stripped and that.

Aye. . Joe inhaled on the cigarette. It’s a nuisance but.

How’s thingwi — that whatsisid, Williams?

Aw he’s fine, fine. A bit shaky.

Sammy nodded, he nudged the spectacles on his nose.

Heh look at that! Joe had turned and he pointed out to where a motor launch and a water skier could be seen. Christ sake! he said. And he stood watching them for a long while. At last he glanced at his wristwatch. He turned and snorted.

Sammy looked at him.

So where is it the night? the social club?

Doubt it Joe — bloody car, it’s acting up again.

Joe nodded.

What about yourself?

Aw! The time I get back down the road. . He sniffed and glanced back at the loch, then he said, I suppose, I suppose. . He glanced at his wristwatch. Okay Sammy, mind and phone in as soon as the scaffolders arrive.

Will do.

And eh — just do as much as you can, in the tank and that.

Aye well I mean that clearing Joe. .

Once he had gone the three of us continued sitting there, smoking, not talking for a while.

Charlie had one suit and he wore it all times. He worked for a stone-cleaning outfit travelling throughout England and Wales, and in his situation this was perfect. He owed a fortune in maintenance back payments for a wife and three weans he had left up in Lanarkshire somewhere. He was self-employed. In theory he subcontracted himself out to the stone-cleaning outfit — something like that. What it did mean was that he was more or less untraceable. I was living in digs in Manchester at the time, had just survived a lean spell and now moved into the house paying a week’s cash in advance. Not a bad place. Long-distance lorrydrivers inhabited it mostly. During the weekends few people were around, and until Charlie arrived I had the lounge and dining room virtually to myself. Charlie seldom went anywhere except to his work, Friday being the only day throughout the week he would not stay for overtime beyond 7 p.m. And before entering the house that evening he always spent an extra couple of minutes slapping the grey dust from out of his suit. After eating his meal he stepped down to the local pub but rarely drank more than five pints of bitter, he had always returned long before closing time. I doubt if he particularly enjoyed drinking beer. I think he just needed company occasionally, and also to get rid of a couple of quid in a bona fide sort of manner — before making it into the betting shop on the Saturday afternoon.

Having received the giro on the Friday morning I was normally skint on the Friday evening and Charlie began taking me along to the boozer where he would buy me the same drink as himself. He always seemed glad to make the move back to the house. The following afternoon I tagged along with him to the betting shop and watched the performance. It was dismal.

Once or twice I had gained a few bob on the Friday afternoon and so could have a go on my own but this was rare; the usual thing was my being skint and watching Charlie. He never won. Whatsoever. Never received one solitary return during the weeks I knew him. He bet in permutations to the precise extent of what lay in his pocket. If he had twenty two quid his bet was a £2 yankee which at eleven bets would amount to the full £22.00. Twenty six quid and he would place a £2 canadian to equal the £26.00. If he had twenty nine quid in his pocket then he would make out the line as a 50 pence heinz amounting to £28.50 and toss in the extra 50 pence on the accumulator bet. It had to be that his pocket contained nothing bar pennies after the day’s business. Anybody happening to observe his bets would say something like: When Charlie knocks it off, he’ll do it in a Big Way.