Adam Levin - The Instructions

That my mother’s lost-tribesmanship might mean she wasn’t an Israelite, or that being dark-skinned would make her marriage to my father uncomfortable for certain Yeckies at shul, never crossed my grandparents’ minds. The worry was that there would be no shul at all. My grandparents worried that, because my father was in love with a woman who wasn’t observant, let alone Lebuvitcher, he would leave behind his entire religion, just as he had left behind his career as a scholar. They were a little bit right and a little bit wrong, my grandparents.

My father was moving away from religion, and would continue to do so, but it had almost nothing to do with my mother. He told me himself that he’d made the decision to leave yeshiva even before Yuval’s wedding, that he’d begun longing to affect the world in a more direct way than he believed he was able to as a Torah scholar (a half-truth), and that that was why, a full six months before going to Brooklyn, he had secretly applied to law school. For a long time, that was all he told me. I learned the rest on my eighth Passover, mostly because Yuval Forem had too much wine.

Yuval’s parents’ house was a block west of ours, on California, and even though, like most others in the neighborhood, the elder Forems avoided us, Yuval — having brought his wife and six children from Israel for the holiday — wielded his authority and made sure we were invited. He and my father had been friends since grammar school, and roommates at yeshiva, so if Yuval hadn’t moved away, or if we had moved to Israel, we’d have done Passover with his family every year. That was how he started.

“Every year, Yehudah!” he continued. Yuval’s neck was so thick it could have been shoulders. His voice boomed through the mouth-hole in his wide, spongey beard, and the frayed lapels of his black robe-jacket seemed to ripple, the wales of cordurory bending and swelling. “Every year, your Gurion and my daughters would search out the afikomen together,” he said. “Every day they would play together. We’d spend Shabbos together, build the suka together, have barbecues. You are a brother to me, and I love you and have missed you. And you, Tamar — you bring this brother of mine such joy. He used to be so spooky! With the studying… all the books… you can’t possibly know how weird he was. He knew everything . He’d study and smoke and study and smoke, and only after ten o’clock at night would he ever relax a little…We’d go for a walk, usually for a soda over at…what was this place, Yehudah, this late-night deli where we’d go for the sodas? What was it called?”

My father, cross-hatching a half-eaten new-potato with his fork, said, “Asner’s.”

“Asner’s!” said Yuval. “Asner’s exactly! Every night, nearly — it’s ten, ten-thirty, your husband says to me, ‘Yuvy, I’m going blind here! Want a walk?’ and of course I would agree, and Asner’s we’d go to, and sometimes, if feeling particularly charitable, we’d invite Rolly Bar-Sheshet, and sometimes, if Rolly was feeling particularly less like a snivelling little shmendrick than usual, he’d come along with us — what ever happened to Rolly?”

My father made his lips fat and waved away the question with all his fingers.

I knew what happened to Rolly, though. Rolly Bar-Sheshet was the cantor at the Fairfield Street Synagogue, which is where I go because my parents won’t attend shul and it’s close enough to our house that I can walk there by myself. Rolly trilled a lot during the mourner’s Kadish, and I did not like it so much, but his son Amit was nice. Still, I didn’t want Yuval to stop telling stories, so I stayed quiet.

“Rolly-olly, Rolly-polly,” said Yuval. “What I was saying is that after Asner’s, we’d walk some more, usually through the cemetery, drinking our sodas, talking about everything boys will talk about. We’d talk about you, Tamar, what your name would be and what Yehudah hoped you’d be like when he met you, and you, too, Gurion — he knew his firstborn would be a son. Sometimes the time would slip away, and it would be midnight, twelve-thirty in the morning, and you know what we’d do then? If it was midnight, twelve-thirty in the morning?”

“Litberg’s!” shouted his eldest daughter. She’d heard it before.

“Litberg’s, my Sara! It’s true,” said Yuval. “We’d walk up Devon to Litberg’s bagel factory. All night long they were making bagels inside, taking them from ovens, dunking dough in vats. We’d wait near the backdoor, and this man — Morris Nussberg was his name, you see what I can remember? — Morris Nussberg would eventually come outside for a cigarette, a cardboard boat on his head to guard against the falling-out of hairs, and we’d offer him a light, and we’d chat a little about this or that, about bagels, making them, the necessity of the boiling process and so on. He’d tell us, ‘Buy stock in garlic. It’s the new poppyseed,’ or ‘Litberg’s nagging again about the egg bagels are too orange for the goyim — says to lower the yolk content or Lenders will bury us by ’87.’ Soon enough, this Morris Nussberg finishes smoking, takes his leave, and returns with what? The freshest bagels ever. For Yehuda and I. The freshest. Ever. Delicious! And there we’d be, under the moonlight, thinking about you, and you, and you and you and you,” Yuval said, gesturing with two hands at all the children around the table, knocking over an empty glass, shrugging at it, leaving it, “and you and you. Except you , as I recall, were going to be called Dovid,” he said to me. Then, to my father: “Whatever happened to calling him Dovid?”

“You’re asking the wrong person,” said my father.

“This has always been your husband’s second-favorite answer,” Yuval said to my mom, “tied with ‘It’s not something I’d like to talk about, Yuvy,’ both of which, as you probably know, run all too distant behind the number-one favorite answer: the half-bored/half-murderous glare on the shrugged-up shoulders which at school we’d call ‘The Morton’ for the way it transformed into man-size salt pillars whomsoever would dare to look directly upon it.”

I didn’t yet know if I liked Yuval. He was crazy and funny, but my father acted different around him. His laugh had more edges than it usually did, and when he laughed it there, at the Seder, his head went side-to-side, like to say, “Here we go again” instead of the up-and-down nod that I was used to, which always looked like, “Go on, please, go on.” The laugh he laughed at the stories of Yuval seemed angry, and although my father is often angry, his usual anger is wild and unmuddled; it looks like nothing other than anger. He’ll yell or slam the door, and sometimes he’ll grit his teeth and go to his office. I’d never before then seen him laugh with anger, though, only with joy or sadness. So when Yuval first started describing how my father had been when they were young, what he said seemed false, except once I noticed the new way my father was laughing, it seemed not only like it had been true when my father was younger, but that it still was true — it seemed like my father had become the person you’d have expected if all you knew of him were the stories of his boyhood as told by Yuval. It seemed, in short, like he’d become a “father.” And it is true that I write “father” a lot to refer to him, but I usually think of my father as “Dad” or “Aba.” And that is why I didn’t know if I liked Yuval, because of how he was making my dad seem like someone I should think of as “father.”

But then Yuval said, “Tell us, Judah. Tell us how David becomes lioncub all of a sudden.”

And my father, who had been holding my mom’s hand under the table, did a very Dad thing: he raised her hand high and kissed it loudly on the wrist, on the side where the blood pulses.