Stephen Dixon - Frog

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A multi-layered and frequently hilarious family epic — Dixon combines interrelated novels, stories, and novellas to tell the story of Howard Tetch, his ancestors, children, and the generations that follow.

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“His mother: ‘Something very eventful early in my life? Let me think. Anything — right? — but which stuck and not just remembered now. This one I’ve thought of a hundred times since. I was no more than thirteen. My mother sent me to Fourteenth Street to buy dresses for my sisters, both the older and younger ones. I took the trolley and went to Rothenburg’s and Hearn’s, the two big stores there. Off Broadway. They had a walkway a number of floors up connecting across the street two of the buildings of one of those stores. A very new thing for its time and I liked looking at it and imagining things.’ ‘Like what?’ ‘People walking across, looking down at me, wondering what I was looking up at. I think the walkway is still there. I went to both stores to comparison shop. Then after seeing what they had in dresses, I bought them, maybe stopped at some outside stand-up place for a tea and cake, for she also gave me money for that, and went home.’ ‘Yes. So?’ ‘That’s all. It was a pleasant day that I took the trolley and did all this. I don’t remember that but she wouldn’t have sent me in the snow or rain. I would have got wet, then a cold because I was so prone, and the trolley stop was three blocks from our building, so the boxes would have also got soaked.’ ‘You had to carry all this. Wasn’t it too much?’ ‘I was always very strong, and at thirteen, maybe near my strongest.’ ‘Did you resent doing all this while your sisters weren’t?’ ‘Why? It was probably only two or three boxes with the five dresses in them — four for my sisters and one for me. So with twine holding them both or two and one for each hand or all three together, it couldn’t have been too hard. Besides, the trip was interesting — the building bridge, the trolley rides — so something I’d say they missed out on.’ ‘Did anything happen on the trolley? It break down? Something you saw from it like a horse from a horsecar bolting or breaking loose and you got scared?’ ‘Not that I remember.’Did you get lost or anything like that?’ ‘Depends which time you meant. I did this every spring for about five years till I was eighteen.’ ‘Then the first time. For instance, maybe you forgot this but did a man make a pass at you on the trolley or streets or in a store because you were already so beautiful and filled out, according to your photos? Or someone molest you, even, let’s say, or just winked at you and you didn’t know what it meant and got scared?’ ‘No.’ ‘Then someone try to cheat you out of your money in or out of the stores?’ ‘I’m sure people didn’t do that as much then, at least to young and old people. I told you what happened on the street and then with the bank last month with my checkbook and a Ginnie Mae?’ ‘Unbelievable. I don’t know how it could have happened.’ ‘What don’t you know or believe?’ ‘I mean I know it happened and how. But that someone would try to take out, or whatever one does with a Ginnie Mae, though I’m not quite sure what a Ginnie Mae is, and not get caught when he was standing next to the banker at the time she called you to see if you had authorized that check? That’s what happened, right?’ ‘First he ripped the handbag off my arm. So fast I didn’t even see his face. I’ve no idea even how old he is, and nobody else did who saw him, or they wouldn’t say so. My shoulder ached from that wrenching for a week. Then the same day, maybe four hours later when I’m still shaking over it, he or one of his pals tries to open a Ginnie Mae with a check that was in my bag. The banker only called me because there’s a state or federal law — something — maybe that particular bank’s policy after seeing so many people like me swindled like this — saying any check five thousand and over has to be cleared with the account’s owner. Suppose he’d just made the check out for four thousand nine-hundred and nine-nine?’ ‘Maybe there’s a five thousand minimum on a Ginnie Mae.’ ‘Anyway, I said no, that I’d never written a cheek that high in my life and for her not to accept it,’ and hung up and only then realized it had to be from the checkbook in my stolen bag. And also that I hadn’t only not asked what her name was but what bank she was with, though she did give me all that when she first got on and say it was way out on Long Island. You know, me and memory, which with new things only get further apart. Maybe, because she said she’d get back to me in a day or so, I didn’t ask her name and bank again, but she never did. I’ve a strong feeling she was in on the whole thing.’ ‘Why?’ ‘That she never called back. That I never heard from the police. Five thousand. That’s major fraud. You read where the FBI comes in on things that high. Besides, as a banker she has ways of checking if I have five thousand and over in my account, which I do but shouldn’t. People say I should put most of it in Money Market or CDs.’ ‘Well, if you do have more in it than you need for your checks, sure. But if she was involved, why would she have first called you? And why would the check have been made out for five thousand instead of four thousand five-hundred, for instance?’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘If banks only make these authorization calls for five-thousand-and-over checks, then she wouldn’t have had to call you if this one was for forty-five hundred.’ ‘That I haven’t figured out yet. Maybe she doesn’t have a bank way of finding out how much I have in my account and was only finding out this way.’ ‘How?’ ‘By saying “Did you make out a check for five thousand?” And if I had said “Five thousand? I’m lucky to have five hundred in my account,” she wouldn’t have bothered. No? Wrong? Anyway, that’s not what I said. And I never got back the check she mentioned or heard anything more about it from anyone. If they caught him, this check swindler, or even if he ran away when she was making that call to me, she still would have had the check he left, if he left it, and I should have got it back by now, right?’ ‘I’d think so but I don’t know.’ ‘So where is it then? She’s in on it, I’m telling you, and I’m worried for my money. For myself too, because just by talking to me she knows I’m an old muddleheaded cow and therefore vulnerable, and she also knows a lot about how much money I have. Not just the checking account but probably the savings, stocks, how much Social Security I have coming in. She could use her expertise and all those computer machines banks have and pull the wool over my eyes.’ ‘Really, I’m sure it’s nothing like that. But maybe I should phone all the banks on Long Island till I get one that knows what happened to your check.’ ‘Sure, call, run up a two hundred dollar phone bill for yourself. Suffolk and Nassau counties are long distance and unreasonably high compared to phone rates for places of much greater distances. And what’ll it get you? Even if you get the right bank, think you’ll get the right person? And if you do and it’s our Miss Possibility Bank Fraud, think she’ll give you the right information? You won’t even know you got her, is what I’m saying, and she’ll steer you around till you’re dizzy and lost and give up hope. The truth is, so you won’t be worried about me, I’m not that worried, as I closed the account right after her call and opened another one. So she couldn’t touch my money with the old check if she tried, and with the new checks I’m never going to carry the checkbook around. Just one or two checks from it in my wallet, which will be one less load to carry in my bag.’ ‘But if they get your bag they’ll get your wallet. Did you have your wallet in the bag that guy stole?’ ‘Sure, with everything — money, laundry tickets, library card, card to get me on the subways and buses for half price — but no credit cards. Those I keep in their own pouch that I’d forgotten at home.’ I was wondering, since you never spoke of it. But I just thought of something. Did you have your checkbook balanced on its transactions’ page?’ ‘Yes, always. I do it after I write each check. You know me: meticulous.’ ‘Then that’s how the thief knew how much you had in it. Believe me, take out three-month CDs with most of your money in it. Keep two thousand at the most in your check account. Then if you need cash suddenly, other than what your Social Security brings, use one of the CDs after it matures. And if it’s two months away from maturing and you don’t want to be penalized for cashing it in early, borrow from me till it matures. Or I’ll give you whatever you need when you need it — no borrowing. You were plenty generous with me when I was short or broke, so why not, when Denise and I can afford it? But you won’t go for that idea, so the best thing is to have several three-month CDs running in a way where one matures every month or semimonthly. That way you’ll always have cash available. And it won’t get complicated, as the bank lets you know a week or so before the CD matures and then rolls it over automatically if you don’t cash it in.’ ‘I’ll think about it.’ ‘Please. Or do something, if not that, with most of your checking money so it earns a good interest. But listen — about the other thing. I’m still not clear why the shopping-on-Fourteenth-Street story stands out in your mind so much.’ ‘When?’ ‘The one you gave me when I asked you to tell me something memorable — eventful — from your childhood. Your mother — the dresses and trolleys.’ ‘Maybe because she trusted me and liked my tastes. She always did.’ ‘That’s fine, and it must have made you feel very good that she did and not the others, your sisters, but is that really the only reason you remember so well the first time she asked you to do it?’ ‘That’s all. I think it’s enough.” OK, but I’m not going to use it. No disrespect to what you remember and how you value it and such, but nothing there or just not enough.’”

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