Ahmet Tanpinar - The Time Regulation Institute

“Well, of course that article made me angry. If people speak against me, why shouldn’t I be angry? You know I was innocent in the diamond case!”

“No,” Halit assured me, “you were upset about the word ‘puppet.’”

“But I wasn’t, for that I can’t deny!”

With the same cool and collected manner, he said:

“You really are a very strange man. You have no idea what it means to collaborate. It’s so very clear that you have always lived in your own world. You have never managed to adjust to public life. Only people unaccustomed to the company of others would think to question personal freedom. First you say they shouldn’t criticize you, and then you say their praise should be kept in check. What sort of thing is that?! It’s too good to be true… No, my good friend, everyone is free in their own particular way!”

He wasn’t entirely wrong. I did appreciate my favorable reviews. What angered me were the exaggerations that even I could not believe. Not long after Dr. Ramiz published his article, a journalist interviewed my wife. And so in the end everything came out. As if to make up for ten years of indifference, as if to compensate for her condescension and neglect and in effect the sum total of all the mistakes she made during our marriage, she spent the entire twenty minutes singing my praises. But Pakize was not the sort to take an interest in watches, clocks, psychoanalysis, or higher knowledge of any sort. She was a modern woman who adored the cinema, who saw the world through the silver screen. So whether I liked it or not, she was going to recast me as her new matinee idol.

In this, the film version of our lives, my wife truly loved me. We’d loved each other since childhood. Following a series of misadventures, I had been obliged to marry Emine, and so Pakize had married her first husband. But she’d never forgotten me, nor I her. I was given to understand that I had spoken to her on the day before my wedding and told her that I’d had no choice. My first wife had been a good woman, though she’d lacked in sophistication and so had not really understood me, which was why, with her at my side, I’d never achieved success, let alone come to understand my true nature. After Emine’s death, Pakize had left her husband and sought me out, knowing that like all great men I was reserved, proud, and a little absentminded where women are concerned. It was only then — thanks to Pakize — that I had set off on my professional career. “He even left his post as a civil servant so he could follow his vocation. For seven or eight years, we survived on the trifles my family had left me. But in the end we spent all we had.” During the interview, Pakize never once complained. As the wife of a great man, she’d known she would have to make significant sacrifices. And my private life? Naturally I was a little eccentric. But when I wasn’t lost in my work, I was cheerful enough. I was not a poor equestrian, a magnificent swimmer, and I dabbled in tennis. “He had penchant for gambling but he gave it up for me!” I knew all about women’s fashion and the meaning of true elegance. My younger sister-in-law followed my counsel in her attire. And what were my favorite things, apart from watches and clocks? Music of course: both alafranga and alaturca . I played the piano and the banjo too. My older sister-in-law owed her success to me. “Oh, don’t you know? My sister sings every night at the Crystal Waterfall Music Club. If you happen to be there at half past eleven…” I enjoyed chatting with my family at home. I drank juice every morning with breakfast. One particular quirk of mine — I was always falling in love, but my wife had turned a blind eye to this. “As they’re women worthy of his status. And you know what women are like — they just never leave men alone.” As for my wife, she had once wanted to be a dancer, but, “When you marry someone like Hayri, you get used to making sacrifices with good grace. Before the inauguration of the Time Regulation Institute, or, rather, before its foundation, I’d received two offers: One from Hollywood… Yes, that’s right, from Hollywood… a film about the East…,” while the other had come from a large Swiss watchmaking firm. She couldn’t furnish the name. She’d been so busy with her housework that she couldn’t remember all the details. “In fact his early career was in acting. We’re a family of artists. He was a thespian in his youth. And recently he had a role in a film!” Indeed in my years of unemployment, I’d been an extra in two different films. My favorite food? “Boiled vegetables, grilled meat, and so on.” According to my wife, I loved to eat but was careful with my diet. My greatest shortcoming was that I worked so hard I forgot to take care of myself. Clearly I was not one for nightlife, and so we rarely went out, but we did sometimes go to the cinema. From here the interview moved on to discuss my favorite movie stars.

Now, if such an interview didn’t put both my wife and I in jail for perjury or pack us off to the mental asylum — irrespective of judge or court of law — it was sure to lead to a hasty divorce. I could not believe my eyes. “He works at night, goes to sleep toward dawn, and sleeps but half an hour.” But this was only when there was a pressing job to finish. Other times I’d sleep for twenty-four hours. But I just couldn’t fathom why I would enjoy sleeping naked on the floor. Now that my rheumatism restricted my equestrian activities, I was limiting myself to gymnastics. I had been cruelly treated by my relatives, but Pakize didn’t linger for too long on this. She was even open about not wishing to speak of my aunt. “Hayri forgave them for everything some time ago.”

The following morning Halit Ayarcı read the interview to me in the office. Ignoring my rage, he burst out laughing at every sentence.

“This is wonderful,” he cried. “Wonderful! There couldn’t be a more perfect interview. The first thing for me to do now is to bring out a paper with your wife as editor. Tea Time ! Yes the name shall be Tea Time . Can such a talent be ignored? She’s captured you perfectly! Exactly as you are.”

“Better to say she made an absolute fool of me. What has she captured? It’s nothing but drivel from start to finish. I’ve been disgraced for the entire world to see.”

His face suddenly darkening, Halit Ayarcı assumed a seri-ous air:

“She has reformed you, reorganized you, and recast you as a loveable person. Why must you always see the dark side of things? She’s done this out of love for you. She’s given you your true identity.”

“But it’s nothing but lies from top to bottom!”

“That’s what you think. Everyone will love this. Take just this part here: ‘He puts my shoes on for me. It’s just his favorite thing to do!’”

“She doesn’t even own a decent pair of shoes!”

“Well then, that’s your fault now, isn’t it? The husband of such a woman should, above all, consider her happiness and comfort. So go out tomorrow and buy half a dozen pairs of new shoes. Then there’s this trip to Switzerland! “My husband’s never traveled. Last summer he sent me to Switzerland, to visit the factory that had offered him a job. And to be honest, the idea sounded wonderful. I love traveling, but — what can I say? I just can’t leave my husband. I asked him, ‘Why don’t you like traveling, Hayri Bey? It’d be such a shame if indeed you really don’t. Perhaps it’s because you get a bit woozy on the ferry or train… But, then, you do ride horses…’”

I stood up and cried:

“This woman is a raging lunatic. What’s more, she’s a liar. How could we have loved each other in our childhood? She’s sixteen years younger than I am!”