H. Adler - The Journey

Something can be placed on every step, but Frau Lischka will be upset when she sees how her stairwell has been trashed. The hallway has to remain clear no matter what. The steps are for walking, not for sitting. Just keep moving forward, and no tripping! Whoever takes care reaches out in the darkness to feel his way. The inhabitants are lucky if they know the way, because then they only need to count the steps and they already know where they are. And in like manner memory also counts, the living do not lose themselves carelessly in a present that can be so difficult to bear. To them the past is at their service, ever regressing memory planting its sensation less so in jittery hands than in the feet, which is also why we protect the feet with good shoes. Whoever is afraid of getting lost, which many do, stops on the landing or presses himself against the wall the whole way down, thus rendering the stairwell safe.

Paul closes the door to the apartment behind him and thinks about what he has left behind. Now Frau Lischka no longer has any say and has to keep quiet when her stairs are muddied. Behind the door above, everything has been left behind but not forgotten; it’s there, simply there. No one can go back, the stairs will not have their soundness tested again, and who knows whether or not these are the last steps that will be allowed upon them. The rattle of keys when the doors are locked sounds as familiar as ever, it was the same burst of clanging as ever, followed by the feeling of safety; the apartment was still there, we would see it again, healthy and unharmed, ready to receive us. But now the key is pointless, you might as well leave it in the mailbox so you won’t have to take it along on the journey. How ridiculous it was when one of the messengers advised Paul to make sure and lock up.

“Apartments left empty will gladly be looted!”

“Gladly looted?”

“Gladly looted. But you still have to turn in your key.”

The stairwell pressed toward the doors, it descended deeper and deeper as the yelling came down the frightened hallway, Down, go down! The stairs yelled out that no one was allowed to climb them. Afraid of break-ins, Frau Lischka had an ever-watchful eye. No one got past her ground-floor apartment without her noticing. “Where are you going?… Ah, to the doctor!” Her drunken husband would have let anyone slip through, but his wife never tolerated the door being left unlocked whenever she went out. On Sundays the building remained locked for the entire day, meaning that anyone who did not have a key had to ring the bell. That way nothing could be looted.

The streets were quiet, heartened by the winter cold. The impact of the heavy steps pleased them, for that stamped life into them; otherwise the streets would have been sunk in sadness. They were forbidden streets meant to be avoided in order not to violate their pavement. Thus the streets were crossed out on the maps, no longer existing for anyone. It was too risky, danger lay in wait there, especially at night. But one must not simply accept what is forbidden once you are not worth anything. And so the streets were there again and were much longer and more beautiful than they had ever been before. They rejoiced at being granted life once again and didn’t ask to whom they owed their good fortune. Zerlina said earnestly to an intruder, “These streets are forbidden.” But the stranger just smirked and rubbed his hands. Because those words, so often repeated, no longer meant anything, for now the forbidden was allowed.

All that had been forbidden in the world now meant nothing, for it had never been a law but rather an arrangement that rested on enforced custom. What was once taken in stride now appeared all of a piece to the law, which had the last word and did not allow anything to contradict it. Life was reduced to force, and the natural consequence was fear, which was bound up with constant danger in order to rule life through terror. You experienced what you never had before. You rejoiced over that which you were allowed, but even this did not last for long, because any such comforts had only to be noticed and the next day they were taken away. Thus the tender juicy meat was taken away since you who are made of flesh need no meat. Then they banned fat, for your belly was full of fat. They denied you vegetables, for they stunk when they rotted. They ripped chocolate out of your hands, fruit and wine as well. You were told that there wasn’t any more.

Highways and byways were forbidden, the days were shortened and the nights lengthened, not to mention that the night was forbidden and the day forbidden as well. Shops were forbidden, doctors, hospitals, vehicles, and resting places, forbidden, all forbidden. Laundries were forbidden, libraries were forbidden. Music was forbidden, dancing forbidden. Shoes forbidden. Baths forbidden. And as long as there still was money it was forbidden. What was and what could be were forbidden. It was announced: “What you can buy is forbidden, and you can’t buy anything!” Since people could no longer buy anything, they wanted to sell what they had, for they hoped to eke out a living from what they made off their belongings. Yet they were told: “What you can sell is forbidden, and you are forbidden to sell anything.” Thus everything became sadder and they mourned their very lives, but they didn’t want to take their lives, because that was forbidden.

Once the entire world was forbidden, and there was nothing normal left to forbid, the height of unhappiness was surpassed and everything became easier, no one having to become anxious with lengthy considerations about what to do next. Everyone did what was forbidden without a bad conscience, even though it was dangerous and they were afraid. Yet since you couldn’t do anything without feeling afraid, you didn’t do everything that was forbidden. Sad and fearful people suffered under these conditions, but others hardly seem bothered, each following his own disposition. If there seems no end to the danger, then it has accomplished its goal already; anything excessive shuts people down more quickly than a discreet act of kindness, through which alone the simple truths of the world can still be perceived. Because one could not perceive this simple truth or at least had no respect for it, everything fell apart. Nothing more could happen and therefore orders were merely carried out.

Their gaze swept over the rows of houses and the street crossings as soon as their eyes got used to the darkness, and soon they were ready to escape, for they knew the area well and there were plenty of good places to hide. An escape was possible; it would not be too hard, since there was no one near or far who would hear them. But steps followed the women and the brave messengers accompanying them, and thus only their gaze stole forth, sending thoughts and memories ahead that thwarted cowardice sooner than weary bodies that, with the weight of all they carried, slunk along in order to avoid their proscribed fate.

Was such servility really due to cowardice alone? Old Leopold and fragile Ida had been taken away and were waiting for Caroline and the children in the Technology Museum. Ida felt helpless and Leopold confused. Both were incapable of handling that which threatened one surprise after another. What could be done for them? There was no clear answer, but one had to stand by them and not leave, because that was forbidden. Disloyalty was forbidden, also reason was forbidden, as it belittled the will to live.

Paul’s thoughts hardly went this far, for already he had struggled too long to vanquish the inevitable. After his battle suffered its first and, he feared, decisive defeat, he could no longer worry about every threat that occurred. Paul was extremely tired and smiled at Zerlina, who smiled back. Then Caroline smiled as well. When the others saw this, they cheered up and also began to smile, as one of them said: