H. Adler - The Wall

Pleased, the guests came along with us, bowing to Anna and warmly greeting the children, who were not the least bit afraid of them. Derek remarked attentively how beautifully they had grown and developed. Places were quickly set for the three men, and still more hearty items were brought out so that we could all fortify ourselves. Oddly, I was satisfied with everything, my strong animosity, which I at least felt toward Brian, having melted away, since he had tried as best he could to soften his nature and to be friendly to the good-natured Derek, who seemed to be very interested in Anna, though he also joked around with Eva, who couldn’t take her eyes off him. Meanwhile, Jock was entirely engaged by our Michael, who was proud to impress an actual charioteer with his knowledge and asked him about a hundred different things. Jock was a bit at a loss when Michael wanted to know whether a hearse was built differently from a normal car. Then the boy turned to his mother and asked pleadingly whether, in addition to the good two dozen toy cars he already owned, he could soon add a beautiful black hearse, complete with glass windows. Jock saved Johanna the effort of having to explain that such toys did not exist, because a good child didn’t think about death, but how nice it would be to have other cars, such as a fire truck with a pump and a ladder. In this way, the children were happily distracted and gave Johanna and me time to discuss what we needed to with Brian. He had no trouble at all with the idea that after breakfast I would put on my best suit. He also happily assented when Johanna asked if she could attend my special day. He recommended that she put on her best dress, something becoming. She suggested that she could ride with me in the hearse, whether it be next to the coffin or along with me on top of it. Again, it became apparent that the men were to follow my orders, because Brian stated courteously that I, and I alone, could say. While it didn’t fall within the purview of his assignment to say so, he thought it was not a good solution, for though the coffin was indeed solid and would not collapse under the weight, the flowers and wreaths might suffer, and that would be deplorable. In addition, in his twenty-five years of service as a pallbearer he could not recall a wife’s ever having been in a hearse who was not already dead, and therefore such a thing had never been heard of before. After some consideration, we had to respect these arrangements.

Brian explained how near we were to Shepherd’s Field, and that it would be easy for my wife to walk there and have Anna accompany her. If the two women left in time, they would have the chance to see me arrive and be witnesses to the certainly ample welcome that awaited me. But I couldn’t stand to have Johanna walk while I rode. Which is why I had to figure out a suitable means of transportation for the women. Someone recommended a taxi, but Johanna remembered that sometimes you had to wait half an hour on the telephone, only to have one not show up. She therefore had a better idea. The Simmondses, who ran the vegetable stand around the corner, were pleasant people whose large delivery truck stood idle in the morning hours at the start of West Park Row. Johanna could speak to Mrs. Simmonds right after breakfast to see if her husband might be prepared to take them the short way to Shepherd’s Field. The idea seemed to me excellent.

The bigger worry was what we should do with the children. Perhaps I should quickly take them to school and kindergarten, but Johanna was against this; we should not be celebrating while the children had a normal day of work at school. Brian looked at her gratefully and said with admiration that she was a good mother; one could see straightaway that she had all it took to provide the children with a good upbringing. Then she suggested that perhaps Michael and Eva could be left with Mrs. Stonewood or Mrs. Byrdwhistle, but they would be bored there, because the children of these women would be in school; it was a bad idea. Then I came up with the solution. If Mr. Simmonds would let us use his truck, there would certainly be enough room to take the children as well. Brian congratulated me and passed on to the father the very same compliments that he had just made to the mother.

Thus everything was settled as to what needed to happen next. Anna took it upon herself to dress up the children, who romped about in excitement. Johanna hurried over to the Simmondses’, while I left the three men to smoke and talk among themselves as I hurried off to put on my best suit. Then I walked into my study in order to watch for Johanna’s return from the window. Then she was there, a quick look convincing me that she had met with success at the Simmondses’, and, sure enough, there followed right behind her a powerful vegetable truck that pulled up right behind the hearse. I also saw how the Simmondses got out leisurely and the two of them stood on the sidewalk next to their truck. Somewhat breathless, Johanna hurried in to say to me that the merchant had been somewhat impressed by the request and had closed his shop, Mrs. Simmonds in no way wanting to miss the excitement. When I looked out to the street again, I saw that quite a number of people had gathered, though it was not a deafening crowd as when I was supposed to go to the crematorium. Michael and Eva yelled, wanting to run out of the house, but Anna held them back, wishing to prevent too big of a scene. Johanna rushed back and forth in the house, as would any proper housewife before a family outing. Shepherd’s Field — at the sound of that the children could hardly contain themselves, as for them it meant the fun of the annual fair. I didn’t have the heart to smash these expectations. The idea of holding a conference under the open sky struck me as a bit austere, but hopefully they had put up a large tent, as one would use for a circus, as well as taken care to put in a stand for refreshments, so that the children wouldn’t be too disappointed.

Finally, we were all ready and left the house. On the street a number of curious people had gathered, but far fewer than I had feared. The neighbors, however, were all there and looked on — that’s the only way to put it — with deep respect. I didn’t trust my eyes and tried to find any hint of mockery in the faces of familiar ones and strangers, or any other sign of misguided feeling, but there was not a trace of it to be found. On the contrary, they wished us well with obvious warmth and seemed proud of us, Mrs. Byrdwhistle holding back tears of joy. The ones farther off waved at us, while across in the apartment house a number stood at their windows waving handkerchiefs and little flags. I was pleased to also find there the two women with the cat that walked along the ledge.

Meanwhile, Mr. Simmonds had opened the back of his old truck and covered the flooring with many layers of newspaper, while his wife vainly basked in her fame in playing an important role at a civic event. I no longer know just how it came about, but before long Mrs. Stonewood and Mrs. Byrdwhistle and their children, as well as some other people from the neighborhood, had climbed into the vegetable truck, the delighted Eva having already been lifted up, while Michael boyishly couldn’t hold back and ignored all his mother’s urgings to such a degree that he got his jacket and pants dirty. Even Anna had nimbly swung herself up into the truck. Only Johanna remained next to me and waited there, not knowing what to do. Then came Jock, who stretched out a hand and assured us that he would drive carefully, he knew what this day meant. He then sat before his steering wheel, and next to him sat the old man, who, as before, didn’t care about anything that was going on around him, and still looked familiar to me, though I couldn’t place him.

Derek busied himself in the back of the hearse, fiddling with the flowers; he might even have shoved the coffin around a bit, but I might have imagined that. I realized that I shouldn’t wait much longer, even if Brian was the model of politeness and wouldn’t make the least effort to remind me to hurry. He placed himself next to Johanna and me like an old member of the family, his motions becoming more and more refined, none of them seeming at all vulgar or common, as I had felt his earlier demeanor to be. The truth was that his face possessed a mixture of noble seriousness, fatherly reserve, kind apology, and something unusual that deeply affected me. I would have been happy to shake his hand and press it in gratitude, but I didn’t think it at all fitting, this kind of open bond not being the least proper to our different positions, and so I was satisfied with sharing a secret meeting of the minds between us. No matter how much I tried to resist, I couldn’t help having the impression that I was standing face to face with my father, a younger version of my father, indeed, but nonetheless him, to whom I owed all honor. The man had given this impression so strongly that I could feel my father within me. I didn’t want that to go on for too long, so I told Johanna to join the others in the vegetable truck. She squeezed my hand silently, laughed at me, and went off.