H. Adler - The Wall

Brian let Jock approach, and Jock planted himself between Derek and Brian and slung his arms fondly over the two of them. Did the pallbearers feel too weak to carry out their task, such that they had to rely on the driver’s help? Brian, whom I had asked to speak up, still didn’t speak. If the behavior of the men, who stood before me like a living wall, had not been so polite, I would have been very angry and felt there was horseplay afoot. In a room behind me, breakfast was waiting; I could hear the voices of my family and couldn’t stand here in the doorway for long. I also wanted to avoid an embarrassing appearance, and to protect Anna from any kind of unpleasant business.

“Gentlemen, you know from your last visit that I was willing to follow you to the crematorium. Or not willing, to be honest, but still I went along. And yet nothing came of it. All of a sudden, you disappeared and everything was over. It all came to nothing. That can’t happen again. I am still alive; everyone in this house is alive. I’m also expecting someone. Please acknowledge that you’ve made a mistake and leave me alone!”

The three men looked at me, disappointed, yet none said a word. Probably it was hard for them to know what to say, or perhaps they were just cowardly. I could tell that I still had to say something.

“Well, then, Brian, don’t make any fuss and finally drop this business for good! I want to have breakfast and don’t have any time for this.”

“Oh, please, please, don’t be so impatient!”

“No, really, don’t be!” whispered Derek and Jock intently in order to back up Brian.

“I’m not impatient, but enough of this talk, if that’s what you mean by happy news!”

“We’re here to pick you up.”

“That’s what I in fact thought. But today you won’t get me so easily. Show me your orders!”

“I don’t have any orders, only an honorable duty.”

“I doubt that I will honor your duty. But that’s enough, off with you!”

“My colleagues and I have to put up with all you say, if that’s what suits you. Still, I would really appreciate it if you would handle us a little more respectfully. It really hurts when you offend us, for we are not allowed to answer back.”

“I don’t mean to offend you, Brian, but if you won’t listen any longer, then you have to explain in no uncertain terms what it is you want.”

“Here in the middle of the street? Are you serious, Herr Doctor?”

“Well, then, come into my study. But promise me that it won’t take very long.”

I immediately regretted inviting the men in, but there was no turning back now and, strangely, not once was I afraid that they outnumbered me three to one. With their hats in their hands and allowing me to take the lead, the three followed me into the house and into my study. I shut the door firmly behind them, walked over to my desk, where the completed manuscript of my Sociology of Oppressed People lay, sat down, and pointed to some chairs, indicating that my little-desired guests should take a seat. However, they didn’t respond to my gesture of invitation but stepped up to my desk as if they wanted to admire my work, though they kept a bit of a distance, which made it clear to me that they were indeed serious about being respectful.

“Well, then?” I said to Brian again.

“I have the duty to invite you to the Sociology Conference of the International Society of Sociologists at Shepherd’s Field, and to take you there as well.”

That couldn’t be right, I couldn’t possibly have heard right. The Sociology Conference. Shepherd’s Field? Pallbearers sent for such a duty, nor was I even a member of the society. Who was trying to make a fool of me? I didn’t know if I should be angry or just laugh, but I didn’t react at all.

“Did you bring along a written invitation?”

All of the men seemed to wonder if they had. Brian squinted to either side of him at Derek and Jock before he answered me.

“An invitation, Herr Doctor? No, we don’t have an invitation. But that is not necessary, for you are a guest of honor. We are only little people who know nothing. We were just given an assignment, and now we are only doing what we were asked to do. For people like us there is no talking back, unless we want to lose our paychecks. Isn’t that right, Derek?”

“Yes, of course, that’s correct.”

“Precisely!” confirmed the one to the left.

“There you have it, Herr Doctor. We were sent, and we just do what we’re told. This time we had to deal with the mailman. That was new to us. Poor Jock had to drive at a snail’s pace. But what came of that? Nothing at all. And now we ask of you, let us take you to Shepherd’s Field!”

“To Shepherd’s Field? As I’m sitting here?”

“Yes. There they are holding the Sociology Conference. We’e supposed to bring you.”

“Not to the crematorium?”

“What do you think of us! It’s enough to make one cry, since you don’t wish to believe us! When I say Shepherd’s Field, then it’s Shepherd’s Field. Everything there, I’ve been told, is arranged for you.”

“Do I have to go with you?”

“No, no. Certainly not. We have an assignment, not you. You are requested to. But of your own free will. But, as I already said, we are lackeys, and if we don’t bring you it will be bad for us.”

“I could write a note saying that you carried out your assignment to the fullest. I can take all the blame myself.”

“Oh, please don’t do that, Herr Dr. Landau! Just come along!”

“You want to put me in the coffin?”

“Who told you that? We won’t put you in the coffin unless you tell us to. You have no idea how insistently we were told to only follow your lead. All we are supposed to do is give general directions, instruct, and advise. I’ve been doing this a long time, but I can’t recall ever being reminded so vehemently about our responsibilities. You are in charge, but please don’t cause any difficulties!”

“What do you think should happen? Tell me what your gut says, Brian!”

“You should sit, if you’re willing, on top of the coffin. Ahead and behind you will be flowers and wreaths. Derek and I will sit on either side of you, as your honor guard. We can support you or hold you by the hands so that during the drive, if it gets bumpy, you won’t lose your balance and fall. Also, the drive will be short, and the hearse has good springs. Jock will drive whatever speed you like.”

“When will all this happen?”

“Whenever you would like, but if I could ask on our behalf, then as soon as possible.”

At this Johanna walked in, wanting to see what was taking me so long, but when she saw the pallbearers her annoyance at my dallying seemed to disappear.

“Good morning, gentlemen. To what do we owe the pleasure of this early visit today?”

The men felt relieved to see my wife, greeting her and talking to her kindly. One could tell that they were deeply afraid that I would turn down the invitation to the Sociology Conference. That’s why they made every effort to win Johanna’s sympathies. She was at least as amazed as I was, though she recovered her footing much more quickly. She didn’t give off any sense of mistrust but, on the contrary, behaved as if things were fine for me. Then we agreed that we probably needed to hurry, but we didn’t want to rush things, and, to the pallbearers’ delight, which far exceeded that of the driver, I agreed to take my place on the coffin for the drive. As soon as I said I was ready, they vied with one another to make me happy, continually asking me what I wanted during the journey. Finally, I waved away all their niceties with both hands, it having become too much. Before that caused them to despair, Johanna had the good idea to invite them to breakfast. Charmed, they accepted the invitation and promised this time not to stuff any food or silverware into their pockets.