H. Adler - The Wall

“How sweet, my boy. But don’t swing too wild with him; he’s still quite little!”

“Yes, Mommy.”

Patricia dragged off Michael, who was happy to go, and Petula jumped up and danced about the other children.

“Michael, we find you so sympathetic!” Patricia called out.

Then the children were gone. I was disconcertingly ill at ease, not having touched a bite and feeling awful. Frau Konirsch-Lenz noticed with displeasure how little I’d eaten, saying I should try the cake. I lied, saying that I hardly ate anything in the afternoon; Johanna looked at me uncertainly.

“Tell me, Frau Landau,” said Siegfried, “isn’t he rather spoiled? It seems that he doesn’t find the cake good enough.”

“What gives you that idea, Herr Konirsch-Lenz? Arthur is not at all fussy.”

“You think so? It doesn’t seem so to me.”

“Well, what can I say?” asked Johanna uncertainly.

“Nothing, Frau Landau. I’m just advising you not to spoil your husband.”

“Siegfried, shouldn’t we be leaving that to Frau Landau? It’s difficult for her, but she is so happy with him.”

“I see. And how do you know that, Minna?”

“We talked with each other.”

“Woman talk! You don’t think Frau Landau would say the direct opposite? Just have a look at her!”

“What’s the matter, Arthur?” Johanna said as she turned to me with concern.

I couldn’t answer, but, despite all the heat, I was cold. Only my head was burning, and my hands trembled. Herr Konirsch-Lenz looked me up and down, somewhat suspiciously.

“There you see it! She spoils him too much. If I can give you a piece of advice, don’t be so worried about his condition. It all has to do with his not being able to come to terms with reality, nothing but crazy ideas floating around his head. He needs a proper cure.”

“Did you and Arthur have a disagreement!” Johanna whispered almost tonelessly.

“One can’t come to an understanding with him. He is not real. He lives in a fantasy world. He has to get his feet on the ground first.”

“I feel like I’ve been kicked in the head,” said Johanna sadly.

Minna took her hand.

“Take it easy, my dear child! Don’t take what my Siegfried says so hard. He is the kindest man on God’s earth and only wants to help. He just has a rough exterior. He has to have that, and it comes from things not being easy for him. But you will see for sure how well he means it all for you both.”

“That’s right, Minna. You just need to talk to the sweet little wife. She needs it. Her nerves are about finished. Drink a lot of milk, Frau Landau, and don’t worry! Let me do the worrying! I’ll take it from here.”

Johanna looked uncertain; I had rarely seen her so confused. Herr Konirsch-Lenz tried to raise her spirits.

“Everything is all right, my child, just keep your head up! If you really love your husband — and one can see that you do, and what a lovely wife you are — then everything will work out. Come along, Doctor! There, take the tray! We need to wash the dishes and clean everything up.”

Thus was I left with no choice and, with a slap on the arm, driven from my seat. I was handed a tray, which Herr and Frau Konirsch-Lenz loaded up, my host placing the rest of the things on two trays and heading into the house with me toward the kitchen. I walked along as if on a forbidden path, but I was helpless before the will of the master of the house. He could now do with me as he wished. But he had conquered me only superficially. Listlessly I told myself that I had to cower but I didn’t have to let myself be defeated. Then I stumbled over the threshold of the kitchen and the dishes on my tray smashed into one another, though, fortunately, only a pair of sugar tongs fell to the floor.

“Now set it down, you clod! It’s sad to watch you go about any work! You must only help your wife at home by looking on, no?”

“Everything is peaceful and joyful for us at home. We don’t fight at all.”

“That I believe, but that’s not because of you. Your wife jumps when you tell her to, right? That’s the whole reason you’re so satisfied.”

I didn’t say anything. Herr Konirsch-Lenz tied his apron but didn’t offer me one. Capably and quickly he washed in the basin what was dirty, while I dried and had to clear everything away that was handed to me. I did it all as if asleep. Plates, cups, bowls, and silverware passed through my fingers and were soon gone. I was only happy that I was spared any aggravation and further talk about work. But, unfortunately, this buzzing activity was soon over and there was nothing left to do, and Herr Konirsch-Lenz came at me again with fresh vigor. I would have been happy to run off through the front door, but I couldn’t do that to Johanna and Michael.

“You took in very little sun and have caused me to fritter away the afternoon. But sit yourself down here in this room! We can return to our debate here undisturbed. I’ll just get my shirt from outside.”

In the room there was a soft sofa and two comfortable armchairs. I would have loved most to find a place there to sleep, but because I could hardly keep my eyes open any longer and knew that I certainly would cause more trouble if I looked like a deadbeat settling down to a cozy nap, I sat down on a hard chair with a high back at the table, which was covered with writings and a bunch of stuff. There was also a cat on it that blinked up at me and curled up between the chair legs, stretched out its hind body, and snaked around its tail. Then came a purring sound from it as it sprang into my lap. I didn’t know if it would be all right with the master of the house if I petted the animal, but the cat was pleased, curled itself up, and continued to purr. I didn’t want to chase it off, and so I playfully stroked its fur. My host left me alone for a bit, though I wished it could have been for much longer. He returned with remarkable quiet, but there was nothing special to see. Perhaps I was only a bit dazed and imagined that his step was quieter than earlier.

“Do you like our cat Jim?”

“Yes.”

“You’d better let him go. He sheds.”

Jim, whom I gently stroked, didn’t want to go, so Herr Konirsch-Lenz gave him a little nudge. Then he sat down across from me. Jim now circled him, but his master shooed him away and the cat ran off quickly and silently.

“Your wife would go along with your giving it a try with me and the wallpaper for a week.”

“That’s out of the question.”

“Too bad. But, please, there are other possibilities. Unless you’re willing to make adjustments, though, it’s out of the question, and I would have been so pleased to welcome you into my firm with open arms.”

“Why do you want to change me? Why must there be adjustments?”

“You talk like a child, completely immature. I already told your wife that.”

“I see, you have—”

“Now listen! I’m not a brute, but I think like a realist. When you were last here, you opened up to me your financial situation with full access and in thorough detail. I have calculated here on this page the kind of measures you can take to realize savings that I can recommend to you, and if you spend the bare minimum on food you, along with your wife and child, can survive five, maybe seven months. If you were to manage to switch apartments — and that should be your first concern — leaving behind your much too expensive apartment, which, by the way is damp and unhealthy, in order to move to a cheaper neighborhood, let’s say two rooms, which would be good to find farther away from the center of town, then I reckon you could stretch out your means to last nine or ten months. If you wish, I can manage your money. You would then have a better understanding of it and not be tempted to take out too much. Six to seven months should be enough to study a profession rich in opportunity. Such as auto mechanic, window decorator, watchmaker, or whatever else. You need to keep your ears open, think about it hard, and act quickly.”