Fuminori Nakamura - Evil and the Mask

The room went quiet. Though I had been watching my father as he stared at me blankly, I couldn’t tell if the words I had just heard were really his. I grabbed the doorframe to keep my balance.

“But if I don’t do it,” I pleaded, “Kaori—”

“That’s right.”

Father stood up slowly.

“I will bring many men and they will defile the girl in front of you. If you don’t lock me up, I absolutely will do it. Even if you run away or go to the police, nothing will change. You can’t stop me. I couldn’t even stop myself.”

For the first time I realized that he was drunk again.

“If I live I will definitely do it. My mind may be going, but that is my sole remaining desire. I couldn’t even stop it myself. More than taking you to hell, more than pleasure, my whole body is burning for the sight of that girl being completely corrupted, while I sway in my alcoholic haze.”

He was putting his weight on his good leg.

“Listen. I sired you on purpose to raise you as a cancer. You have no intrinsic rights. You will be a cancer. Even in trying to avoid it, you will become one. That cannot be changed.”

At that moment the case holding the death caps slipped from my hand. There was a loud noise and the rough fungi scattered from the container. Father looked at them impassively. Then he took a small vial from his breast pocket.

“I don’t need those,” he said. “I’ve got this drug which will kill me quickly. You won’t triumph over your powerful father. Starve a revolting, whiskey-soaked old man. If I’m going to starve to death in this room, wide-eyed and suffering, cursing your name, I’ll take this and die in agony. At that moment, I’ll invade you. Invade the cancer who starved a poor old man to death.”

“But if I don’t …”

“That’s right, I’ll hurt you both by whatever means necessary. And if you do kill me, you’ll definitely be damaged anyway.”

“I won’t be killing you,” I shouted, but my voice came out as a whisper. “I’m just blocking your way. It’ll be your own decision to commit suicide.”

“I’m a corpse already. Since a long time ago.”

I slammed the door with all my might as though something was propelling me forward, locking my father firmly in the room. He had turned into this weird creature, this stringy, incomprehensible old man who I couldn’t understand even to the very end. I thought of him starving painfully to death, ugly, shriveled, insane. At that instant, when there was no turning back, I heard a harsh, metallic clang. Whether it was the sound of the door or inside my own head, I couldn’t tell.

WHILE I FASTENED the door handle, while I closed the hatch at the top of the stairs, while I replaced the cloth and the furniture on top of it, not a sound came from inside the room.

Father, that gigantic, malevolent thing that had been suffocating Kaori and me, had transformed into this strange substance that clung to us like glue. As I weaved my way between the old junk and building materials I thought to myself that I was surprisingly calm. I had wiped my fingerprints off the case with the poisonous mushrooms beforehand, and had worn gloves whenever I handled it. One day, I thought, maybe I’d find out why my father had turned out like that, what had happened in his life. At the time, though, I still didn’t have the leisure to consider it deeply.

I left the cellar and closed the door silently behind me. I listened carefully, checking that none of the servants were nearby. Holding my breath and tiptoeing along the corridor, I thought that I really was composed. I had planned to go to my father’s room and make it look like intruders had been there, but somehow that didn’t seem necessary. Though I had no grounds for it, I felt that his absence wouldn’t become a problem any time soon. I crept past his room and opened the door to my own bedroom. Kaori was sitting on my bed, wearing white pajamas. She looked at me helplessly.

“What happened?”

“What?”

“You’re white as a sheet.”

I realized that my pulse was erratic, and that in fact it had been erratic for some time.

“And you’re sweating buckets. What’s wrong?”

I’d been so sure I was calm.

“Nothing.”

“But …”

Kaori’s figure, lit by the small bedside lamp, took my breath away. I was seized by a fierce desire. I moved closer, not understanding why such feelings should emerge now. When I asked if I could kiss her, she nodded quietly. I could see her pale skin at the opening of her white pajama top. Trying to conceal my trembling, I kissed her slowly.

“About your father, thanks. But I don’t know how long I’ll be safe.”

“No.”

My arms were still numb.

“It’s fine. He’s not going to do anything to you.”

“But …”

“We talked. He promised. It looks like he’s found himself a girlfriend, so he won’t come near you again.”

I was determined that she should never learn the truth.

“Really?”

“Yes. Kaori …”

I kissed her again, pushed her gently down on the bed. She felt that I was shaking and stroked my head, though she didn’t know why. I undressed her, and then myself.

“Fumihiro?”

I felt the fear rising inside me again. I was terrified of my father. Just remembering my conversation with him was terrifying. Suddenly I cried out and embraced Kaori tightly, trying to control my shivering. She continued to stroke my hair. As I held her in my arms, I was filled with love. Her body was warm, and I had eyes only for her. I would do anything for her. To please her, to make her happy, I didn’t care if I had to turn into the devil himself. I kissed her small mouth, touched her breasts, hugged her narrow shoulders. Her body grew hotter. She stuck her tongue in my mouth, wound her arms hard around my back. Then she seemed unsure what to do next, told me she wanted to stay like that forever. She sucked my nipples, thrust her tongue between my lips again. It moved softly inside my mouth, and I felt faint. I wanted her.

Then Kaori and I made love. She tensed for a moment, looked into my eyes and quietly opened her legs. Her sex was tight, and it was sore for both of us, but I really wanted to be inside her. In the unfamiliar warmth and pain I came quickly, but then I entered her again. The second time still hurt her, but presently she started to cry out in a small voice. At that moment I was in heaven. Kaori was everything to me, more precious than anything else in the world. I would do anything for her. Whimpering, she put her arms around my neck and wrapped her legs awkwardly around my waist, kissing me over and over. As long as I could stay together with her, I didn’t care if I had to destroy the whole world. Perhaps we were mad — but can fourteen-year-olds be mad?

From then on we made love every night. Kaori’s body was starting to blossom, her breasts growing larger. I don’t belong to your father any more, she told me many times. Let’s stay together forever, she said. As long as I’m with you everything will be all right. Every day she seemed to grow more beautiful. For the next three months, until Father’s disappearance came to light, we were always at each other’s side.

WHEN I WOKE I was blinded by the strong white light.

An apartment I’d just rented on the seventh floor of a condominium, a large room almost empty of furniture. The glare left pale green spots at the back of my eyes. Yesterday’s clothes were strewn across the wooden floor. Bundles of DVDs, Shintani’s taste in movies, were still piled up in their boxes.