Lydia Millet - Love in Infant Monkeys

“The Mongolians seem to do well enough,” said Chomsky.

“Herky liked to go out. One time I let him run around and he fell in the garbage can,” said the little girl.

“Herky?” asked K.

“It was short for Hercules.”

“He had no problem making it out of the garbage can then, I guess.”

“I had to pour all the garbage onto the kitchen floor.”

A harassed-looking mother with lank hair appeared in the doorway behind Chomsky, a sleepy, bobble-headed infant strapped to her chest in a padded carrier.

“Can I get through, please?” she asked tersely, in the two seconds before Chomsky noticed. He stepped back, looking past her to the outside and holding high the yellow condo.

“I’ve got a great gerbil house! Up for grabs!”

The harried mother, unimpressed, pushed by him and let the door slam behind her, heading purposefully for a pile of used baby objects. K. wanted to tell her, “Hey! This is Noam Chomsky here! The last American dissident!”

“They don’t make ’em like this anymore,” said Chomsky, half to himself. “This is from the seventies.”

“You could always sell it on eBay,” said K., and grinned. “You might say, ‘Official Noam Chomsky-Owned Habitrail. ’ It could go for hundreds. If not thousands.”

“Damn it,” said the harried mother, and turned back to them. There was yellow-white vomit all down her blue carrier, burbling from the infant’s mouth in a continuous stream. “Damn it, damn it, damn it!” She struggled to pull a packet of baby wipes out of a shoulder bag, and as she twisted to reach the wipes vomit dribbled off the baby’s chin and onto the floor.

“Thing barfed. Grotesque,” said one of the teenagers, holding the skateboard. He wriggled behind Chomsky, then kicked the door open on his way out. The other boy followed.

“I can’t — I can’t—” said the mother, and K. saw she was on the verge of tears.

“Here, let me,” he said, and held open her bag while she rummaged around inside it.

“You just get. . so tired ,” she said, shaking her head as she plucked at the baby wipes. They clung together stubbornly until K. helped her separate one from the mass.

“I know,” said K. “I have a toddler myself.”

“But you’re not the mother ,” said the mother, wiping at the baby’s chin.

Chomsky had handed the gerbil condo to his granddaughter, who held it precariously as he cleared a place for it on a shelf.

“It shouldn’t be on the floor,” he said. “Could get stepped on. Or overlooked.”

“Could I have another?” said the mother, looking around for a trash can for the used tissue. Finally she pulled out a Ziploc bag full of cookie crumbs and stuffed the used tissue in. Distracted, K. watched Chomsky set the condo up on the shelf, turning it this way and that — possibly to show it off to its best advantage.

“There you go,” said K.

“My husband, I mean, he’s a loving father, but he doesn’t basically always have the responsibility . From when you wake up in the morning till you — feel better, sweetie? — fall into bed at night. Even when you’re sleeping. I mean, you dream about it: bad things happening to the baby. The tension of that — you know, protective-ness never leaves you. Not completely. Everything you have to. . planning, organizing, knowing every second. . I mean, just making sure I don’t even go to the damn dump without a full complement of baby wipes , for Chrissake. You can’t even walk out the door without. . there you go, sweetie. All cleaned up.”

K. was nodding with what he hoped looked like empathy, but she barely noticed him. K. had the feeling she was talking more to Chomsky than to him.

“I mean, fathers essentially go on doing what they’ve always done. Just maybe a little less of it. But the woman, all of a sudden, has to come second to herself . Not in theory — because I know my husband would do anything for the baby, in an emergency or whatever — but in practice. Every day. Every hour.”

“There are rewards, though, aren’t there?” asked Chomsky with a paternal air. He extended a forefinger to the baby, which grabbed it.

The mother was wiping her own hands now, up and down the fingers. K. looked at the baby’s face: It was a pumpkinhead, he would tell me later.

K. believed that almost all babies not his own were just a little ugly. He tended to feel sorry for them in their homeliness. But then, whenever he looked back at pictures of our two-year-old when she was six months old or a year, he was shocked at her own oversize melon, fat cheeks and baldness. “I didn’t realize she used to look like that ,” he would say regretfully, shaking his head.

“Of course there are rewards, or we would just kill ourselves,” said the mother. “That is so not the point.”

“The possibility exists,” said Chomsky, gently unwrapping his finger from the baby’s pudgy grip, “that you don’t actually have to be quite as vigilant as you are . Mothers, that is.”

“That’s what I think,” said K. “My wife is tense all the time about our daughter getting hurt. It’s this constant anxiety.”

“You don’t get it,” said the mother. “Neither of you. Trust me.”

Chomsky and K. shared a glance, and Chomsky came close to raising an eyebrow. K. told me later it ran through his head: He doesn’t get it? This is Noam Chomsky !

K. found himself wondering idly why Chomsky hadn’t won a Nobel. K. himself, who had studied phenomenology in grad school, personally disagreed with Chomsky and his followers when it came to linguistics. But he admired Chomsky for his persistence in politics.

“Can I take this?” asked the little girl, and stood up from a pile in the corner with a cobweb on her shoulder, holding up a heavily pocked dartboard.

“Are there darts along with the board?” asked Chomsky, and went to rummage beside her. “Because it’s not much good without them.”

“Mom says I can only have the kind of darts with sticky stuff on them,” said the little girl. “You know, the balls? Not the sharp ones.”

The baby in the carrier began to fuss nervously.

“OK. What did I come for? I can’t even remember what I came for,” said the mother distractedly, jiggling in place to keep the baby happy. “Oh yeah. There was supposed to be a bouncy chair here. With an animal mobile. Has anyone seen a bouncy chair?”

“It got took,” said the old scavenger woman. “Right before you got here. A lady in a Beemer.”

“Are you kidding? Vincent said he would keep it for me! I drove all the way from North Truro!”

“Do you have a sticker?” asked the scavenger sharply. Out-of-towners had no dump access.

“Yes, I have a sticker. Not that it’s really your business.”

The baby suddenly wailed, a gravelly, ragged noise in the closeness of the shed. K., having found a small blowup raft he thought would make a good water toy for our daughter, had moved a few paces away and was inspecting it for leaks.

“I can’t believe this,” said the mother when the baby quieted. “I can’t believe it. We had to go to Hyannis yesterday through an hour and a half of stopped traffic, and I didn’t buy a chair just because Vincent said it was here. I need that chair. I need it!”

“The kind where you plug it in and it vibrates?” asked K. “Or the kind where it swings and plays the music?”

“The kind where you hang it from the doorframe.”

“Oh yeah,” said K.

“Then you can do the dishes. You can go to the bathroom.”

“Whatever happened to a simple playpen?” mused Chomsky.

“Could you tell Mom I can have the sharp ones?” asked his granddaughter, tugging at his hand. “I’m old enough. Can you make her give them to me?”