David Peace - Tokyo Year Zero

Ishida and I pass through these ticket gates for a second time in three days and walk out of the station into the town –

No one is here, no one here at all …

The town is deserted again as I lead Ishida up the slope out of town, past the Beautiful Mountain Inn where we stayed –

He walks behind me. He walks behind me …

‘Are you sure this is the right way?’

I do not answer him because he knows it does not matter, because he knows it could be any woods on any mountain and so up and down we go, up and down again we walk until we come to another narrow road, perhaps the same narrow road up which Kodaira Yoshio led Baba Hiroko on the thirtieth of December, last year –

‘Are you sure this is the place?’ he asks again –

Nishi Katamura, Kami Tsuga-gun …

I do not answer him because it does not matter. I put down my old army knapsack. I wipe my face and I wipe my neck –

I turn away from the fields and the ditches –

I stare up into the woods on the slope of the mountainside, up into the shadows of the black trunks of the trees –

Their branches and their leaves …

I point up the slope. ‘It’s that way…’

Detective Ishida follows me now as I climb up off the narrow road and into the woods, waving away the mosquitoes and bugs with my hand as Ishida walks behind me –

He walks behind me…

Between the trunks, beneath the branches and over the leaves, I lead him towards the slight hollow in the side of the mountain –

Between the trunks, beneath the branches and over the leaves, he follows me to this slight hollow surrounded by fallen logs –

Between the trunks, beneath the branches and over the leaves, he walks behind me to this slight hollow in the side of the mountain, this hollow filled with broken branches and dead leaves –

He walks behind me through the trees to here –

He walks behind me, through the trees …

‘This is the place,’ I tell him but I do not turn around –

The cicadas silent now, the mosquitoes sated here …

In this place, in this hollow, I can hear him now –

Between the trees, the black trunks of the trees …

I can hear him behind me. I can feel him –

Beneath the branches and their leaves …

I can hear him raise his army pistol –

I can feel him point it at my back –

I can hear him cock the pistol –

Cold and metallic …

Now I hear him shout, ‘Get down on your knees, detective!’ I do not speak. I do not turn around. I get down on my knees –

On my knees, in these woods, in this hollow, in this place –

I feel the nose of the gun against the back of my skull –

In this place, in this hollow, in these woods –

I close my eyes and now I see her face –

I see her face and all their faces –

Masaki, Banzai! Daddy, Banzai!

Then I hear him pull the trigger. Click . I hear him pull it again. Click . I hear him pull it again –

Click. Click .

And again –

Click —

Now I get up off my knees. Click . Now I turn around. Click . Now I take his pistol by its nose. Click. Click …

Now I have his pistol in my hands –

Bang! Bang! Into his face –

Bang! Bang! And again –

The stench of shit .

*

In this place, in this hollow, between these trees, beneath these branches, Ishida tries to open his eyes now as I bend down over him to wipe away some of the blood and now he tries to speak, to thank me, and I smile, a friendly man with my small acts of kindness, a smiling, friendly man who puts an arm around him and smiles again and laughs as he talks and he talks, talking about this and talking about that, telling me that and telling me this, this about that man and that about this man, and it’s like we’ve known each other all our lives, this crying, bloody man and this smiling, friendly man, like I’m his uncle, this smiling, friendly man, or even the father he lost so very young, but I know he does not feel so safe in this smile on my face, this one smiling, friendly face between these trees and beneath these branches, this desperate, defeated man who stares up at me now with pleas for mercy and pleas for forgiveness in his black and blood-soaked eyes in this place, in this hollow he does not know, this land, this country getting darker and darker, hour after hour, and now the day is gone and the mountain is gone and there is only this place, this hollow now, between these trees, beneath these branches, but still I smile and I smile, a smiling, friendly man between the trees, beneath the branches, in this hollow, in this place, but now my teeth are pointed and my eyes are hungry, my lips wet and tongue long –

Is this when my grip tightens? My words harden…?

My lips wet and my tongue long, I am not smiling now and I am not friendly now, this man with my pointed teeth and my hungry eyes, my wet lips and my long tongue whispering what I want from him now, in this place, in this hollow, between these trees, beneath these branches, telling him exactly what I want from him and he’s turning away from me now in this place, in this hollow, between these trees, beneath these branches, but I’m pulling him back and I’m slapping his face, punching his face and kicking his legs, and he’s on his hands and on his knees among the branches and the leaves, asking me to stop and begging me to stop and pleading with me to stop, to spare his life, to let him live, to let him get away but I cannot hear him asking, I cannot hear him begging, I cannot hear him pleading because I’m pulling him deeper into this place, into this hollow, this land and this country, putting a hand around his neck and another inside his chest and he knows what I want and he knows what I want and he knows what I want and he’s telling me to take it, begging me to take it, pleading with me to take it, to take it and then leave him alone, please leave him, please leave him alone but I’m squeezing his throat, I’m squeezing his throat, I’m squeezing his throat, snot in his nose and piss down his legs and shit from his backside, as I squeeze his throat tighter and tighter, this place blacker and blacker –

As black as his hair that will never turn grey …

Now you open your eyes and you know you are still living, lying on your back on broken branches and dead leaves in this hollow, in this place, you have survived, you are one of the lucky ones, bleeding and beaten on these branches and leaves, but you have survived, you are lucky and now you raise yourself up from these branches and leaves, but this is when you know you have not survived, you are not one of the lucky ones, when you see me sat on the trunk of a fallen tree, staring at you and smoking a cigarette, a once smiling, friendly man as I finish my cigarette and get up off the trunk of this fallen tree, walking towards you beneath these branches and over these leaves, putting the bullets back into your gun –

You try to speak but you cannot speak …

Because a once smiling, friendly man has your gun in his hand and now I’m putting it into your mouth –

Bleeding and beaten here …

Here on these branches and leaves in this hollow, here in this place, I pull the trigger of your gun –

Bang!

*

In the night, he shrieks . I walk back down the mountain. Leave Minami in Tochigi . This mountain of lies. Tell me who you are working for! I hear snatches of Ishida’s confession. Not sleeping, not waking . I do not run. Return to HQ . A man could live on this mountain. Tell me! Names and places and dates. In the night, he howls . I walk across the ditches and the fields. Inspector Adachi . A man could hide on this mountain. Tell me who wanted me dead! Ishida’s confession and Ishida’s lies. I can hear him crying . I do not run. Leave Minami in Tochigi . A man could renounce the world. Tell me! Ishida mumbles about Fujita. In the night, he wails . The whistle of a train coming down the line. Return to HQ . A man could forget the world. Tell me who ordered you to kill me! Ishida moans about Senju Akira. In his sleep . Now I run. Inspector Adachi . But I cannot forget this world. Tell me! Now Ishida lies and he lies about Adachi –