David Peace - Tokyo Year Zero

Kodaira Yoshio leans across the table and smiles at me again and says, ‘Like I say, never heard of a Tominaga Noriko, soldier.’

‘But you knew Abe and you knew her friend Masaoka?’

‘Yes, I knew Masaoka and yes, I knew Abe Yoshiko.’

‘Tominaga Noriko was one of their group…’

He laughs. ‘There was no group, soldier.’

‘But they were all fūten together…’

Kodaira Yoshio sighs and stretches his arms high above his head and then he says, ‘It was just the two of them, soldier…’

‘There were four of them,’ I say. ‘A gang of them.’

‘Only time I ever saw groups of fūten was in China,’ he says. ‘But you’d know as much about them as I do, soldier…’

I should not have come. I should not have sat at this table –

I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to remember …

‘Back in Jinan,’ he laughs. ‘I once saw a man who looked a lot like you. But he was Kempei and his name wasn’t Minami.’

*

I itch and I itch. Kodaira country . I scratch and I scratch. Kodaira country . I walk and I walk. Kodaira country . I sweat and I sweat. From Meguro towards Shimbashi. Kodaira country . The route takes me close to the Takanawa police station. Kodaira country . Near to Shinagawa. Kodaira country . This is where the initial investigation into the murder of Abe Yoshiko was based. Kodaira country . The next police station, the one before Atago, is the Mita police station –

Kodaira country. Kodaira country. Kodaira country …

I change my direction. I change my course –

Kodaira country. Kodaira country …

I go up the steps and through the doors of the Mita police station. I show my TMPD identification at the front desk. I ask to see the duty sergeant; an old man and a suspicious man, suspicious of Headquarters and suspicious of me –

My country now, not his …

I tell him who I am, why I’m here and what I want –

‘You’re from Headquarters,’ he says. ‘So I’ve no choice but to give you his name. But I tell you this, though I no longer know his address, I wouldn’t give it to you even if I did because you lot ruined his life once and no doubt you’d do it again…’

‘Then just tell me his name,’ I say. ‘And I’m gone.’

The sergeant looks away as he spits, ‘Murota…’

I turn away now, itching and scratching, gari-gari , as I walk back through the doors, back down the steps and back outside –

I itch and I scratch. Gari-gari . I itch and I scratch –

It is dark now. It is late now. But I am near.

*

I itch and I scratch. Gari-gari . My arms and my legs. I turn their shoes to face the door . I itch and I scratch. Gari-gari . My back and my front. I turn their shoes to face the door . I itch and I scratch. Gari-gari . My scalp and my groin. I turn their shoes to face the door . I itch and I scratch. Gari-gari . My nails blood, my hands blood –

Death is everywhere. Death is everywhere …

I take the scissors from her dresser. I see black lice . I take the cover off her mirror. I see brown lice . I begin to cut. I see yellow lice . I cut the longer hairs on my head. I see grey lice . I cut the longer hairs on my body. I see white lice . Then I take the razor from her dresser. I see black lice . I open up the blade. I see brown lice . I dip the blade in the bowl of water by her bed. I see yellow lice . I have no soap but still I shave. I see grey lice . I shave off my hair. I see white lice . The hair on my head. I see black lice . The hair on my body. I see brown lice . Hair by hair. I see yellow lice . Every last strand. I see grey lice . In my scalp. I see white lice . In my groin. I see black lice . The skin beneath is red. I see brown lice . The skin beneath is raw –

I see yellow lice, I see grey lice, I see white lice…

The razor in my hand, the blade dull now –

Death is everywhere. Death is everywhere …

Black lice. Black lice. Black lice –

Death follows us as we follow death …

Yuki is awake. Her eyes open –

But we’re already dead …

Tokyo, 87°, slightly cloudy

I turn their shoes to face the door . No Calmotin. No alcohol. No sleep. No dreams. No air. No breeze. I am out of luck. Everything is falling apart. I turn their shoes to face the door . No Calmotin. No alcohol. No sleep. No dreams. No air. No breeze. I am out of luck. Everything falling apart. I turn their shoes to face the door, three times I turn their shoes to face the door . No Calmotin. No alcohol. No sleep. No dreams. No air. No breeze. No luck. Everything falling apart again, over and over and over, again and again and again –

She is beside me now, beside me now, beside me now …

I cannot keep my eyes open but, when I close my eyes, I cannot sleep. I cannot sleep. I cannot sleep. I cannot sleep because I cannot stop thinking about her. I think about her all the time –

She is beside me now. She is beside me now …

I think about her all the time –

She is lying beside me now …

Her head slightly to the right. In a yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore dress . Her right arm outstretched. In a white half-sleeved chemise . Her left arm at her side. In dyed-pink socks . Her legs parted, raised and bent at the knee. In white canvas shoes with red rubber soles . My come drying on her stomach and on her ribs. In white canvas shoes with red rubber soles . She brings her left hand up to her stomach. In dyed-pink socks . She dips her fingers in my come. In a white half-sleeved chemise . She puts her fingers to her lips. In a yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore dress . She licks my come from her fingers. In that yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore dress …

She is beside me now, beside me now, beside me now –

I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to remember …

I smash my fist into her three-panelled vanity mirror –

But here, in the half-light, I can’t forget …

I shout into her mirror, again and again –

No one is who they say they are …

‘Who are you? Who are you?’

*

Through the doors of the borrowed police station. Ishida . I have a shaved head. Ishida . Up the stairs of the borrowed police station. Ishida . I have a bandaged hand. Ishida . To the borrowed second-floor room where Hattori, Takeda, Sanada, Shimoda, Nishi and Kimura have him; Ishida with a black eye, a bloody mouth and handcuffed wrists. Ishida . Ishida looking at the floor, staring at his boots –

‘What’s going on? What have you done to him?’

‘You told us to keep him here,’ says Hattori.

‘I didn’t tell you to beat and handcuff him.’

‘We had no choice, did we?’ says Hattori.

‘What do you mean, you had no choice?’

‘He was going to run,’ says Takeda.

‘Just like Fujita,’ says Hattori –

Fujita. Fujita. Fujita …

I wipe my face. I wipe my neck. I walk over to Ishida. I raise his face from the floor. I ask him, ‘Where have you been, detective?’

Ishida sucks the air in between his teeth but does not answer –

‘We think he went to see Detective Fujita,’ says Takeda –