David Peace - Occupied City

32. He wipes away the tears from his eyes no, I think you mean Dr Endo; yes, you are looking for Dr Endo AMONG THE TUNES, AMONG THE SMOKE He says, It is true that I committed the crime no, I’ve not seen Dr Endo for six months IN THE FOG, IN THE MIST I feel relieved now that everything is over, that a heavy load has been lifted from me no, Dr Endo has not been here; no, he has not been to work; no, not for the last six months THE CITY IS UPSIDE DOWN I don’t have adequate words to express the regret I have for having committed this horrible crime yes, you could try his room down the highway; yes, in the building between the men’s clothing shop and the bar called Yuki THE CITY IS INSIDE OUT The police have treated me fairly and properly, man to man, and this treatment allowed me to bring out the best in my mind no, Dr Endo said he was going away; no, he didn’t say he’d be coming back THE WHOLE COUNTRY, THE WHOLE WORLD Chief Prosecutor Takagi Hajime has been a gentleman and Prosecutors Sasaki and Umezu have treated me with consideration and fairness yes, of course I believed Dr Endo; yes, because he said he was dying; yes, because I knew he was dying; because I could see he was dying UPSIDE DOWN, INSIDE OUT I do not feel like making any statement in my defence at this time, but I can say that part of my motive was due to science yes, Dr Endo looked like a doctor; yes, he was about fifty years old; yes, he was about 160 centimetres tall BACK TO FRONT I have been writing poetry and Chief Prosecutor Takagi Hajime has been helping me yes, his hair was grey; yes, his hair was short; yes, he had two marks; yes, upon his left cheek; yes, he looked like that, he looked like that picture THE SUN RISES WITH THE DUSK, WITH THE DUSK THE MOON SETS I am a devout follower of Nichiren Buddhism and it is my desire now that my soul might be cleansed and saved by the great mercy of the Buddha no, you are not the first person to come here; no, you are not the first person to ask about him; no, you are not the first person to suggest he’s a killer THE MOON RISES WITH THE DAWN, WITH THE DAWN THE SUN SETS I want the world to know that I have confessed my guilt of my own free will no, I don’t know where he might have gone; no, I don’t think he could still be alive AMONG THE TUNES FROM THEIR MUSIC-BOXES, AMONG THE SMOKE FROM THEIR OVENS At last I am able to sleep because the man had his addictions, because the man was dying IN THE BLACK FOG, IN THE BLACK MIST

33. I say, Come on, it’s time, let’s go all men have secrets, all men tell lies I WANT TO LOVE YOU LIKE I USED TO LOVE YOU Go where, she asks somewhere to someone I WANT TO LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVED YOU BEFORE Somewhere, anywhere, what does it matter all men are guilty, are guilty of something I WANT TO LOVE YOU WITHOUT SUSPICION It’s so dark here, the city’s that way somehow, somewhere WITHOUT JEALOUSY I won’t let you get sore feet again, I promise you that crimes never stay secret, secrets never stay secret I WANT TO LOVE YOU WITHOUT THE FEAR OF LOSING YOU And I’ve got to get back, the dinner to make, the child to feed men always talk, talk to someone THE FEAR OF HURTING YOU But please sit down, please stay a bit in confidence, in betrayal LIKE I USED TO LOVE YOU The moon and the stars, she says, they look so very red all men have secrets, all men are guilty LIKE I LOVED YOU BEFORE Like the glow from their ovens, like blood on iron all men, always BUT MOST OF ALL, I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME So very, very red always I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME

34. I career from one man into the next, spilling one man’s drink and then the next, until finally I career into one man and his drink and this man turns with all his friends and all the white teeth in all their mouths and he says, If you are looking for a fight Jap, then you’ve found one my father appears to me now, for the last time IN THIS CITY OF NO RESISTANCE The American swings a punch at me, missing me and falling forwards to the laughter of all his friends by the river, by the shore I HATE THE LOSERS, I HATE THE VICTORS You little Japanese shit, I’m going to rip that little yellow tongue right out of your dirty yellow mouth and strangle you with it in his uniform AMERICAN SKIN UPON JAPANESE SKIN, AMERICAN FLESH INTO JAPANESE FLESH The American throws himself on me, straddling me with his thighs and pinning me to the ground, raining down blows from his fists into my face with his medals, with his sword I HATE ALL AMERICANS, I HATE ALL CAUCASIANS You little yellow bastard, I’m going to wipe that stupid smile off your stupid yellow face and knock the shit right out of you he points west, he points east WHITE SKIN ON YELLOW SKIN, WHITE FLESH IN YELLOW FLESH The American throws a last punch, standing up and kicking me once in the ribs and once in the gut everywhere is America IN THIS OCCUPIED CITY, WHERE IS THE RESISTANCE Had enough already, Jap, he laughs, ready to surrender again, are you everywhere, he says, everyone I WILL NOT LIVE ON MY HANDS, I WILL NOT LIVE ON MY KNEES I get to my feet, staggering forward into him, raising my head now, my two black eyes staring into his two blue eyes there are no more Japanese I WILL CLOSE MY LEGS AND PULL UP MY PANTS You got something you want to say to me, Jap, an apology for me, an apology in English, you dumb fucking monkey no more pure Japanese I WILL WIPE MY LIPS AND I WILL SCRUB MY FACE I shake my head and I lean back and now I spit in his face and I turn and I walk away through the crowd and through the doors only mongrel Japanese, only bastard Japanese FUCK AMERICA, FUCK AMERICA, FUCK AMERICA You dirty yellow bastard, come back here and fight like a man, you dirty yellow monkey, come on, boys, let’s get him, get after him you are the last truly Japanese man alive IN THIS OCCUPIED CITY, I AM THE RESISTANCE, I AM THE LIBERATION

35. Down by the river, she is still lying where I left her, looking up at the moon and the stars a poor little girl who had no father or mother THE SOUND OF SCRATCHING We won’t feel the weather now, we are beyond the weather now, not even the damp in the morning everything dead, no one left in the whole of Japan SCRATCHING UNDER THE GROUND Perhaps they’ll lay us side by side in the morgue and then they’ll come with their bags and with their instruments and they’ll lift our sheets so the poor little girl decided to go up to heaven to where the moon shone down IN MEMORIES, TERRIBLE MEMORIES I kneel down on one knee beside her and pull her up onto me, resting her back on my knee, cradling her like a child, and I whisper in her ear, You are so pale, so very pale now, I say, when you were black, so black with him but the moon was just a lump of rotten wood ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT ME They’ll press their fingers into our bodies at various points and then they’ll sniff their fingers and they’ll make their general observations then the little girl went to the sun BEHIND MY BACK And your hair is so wild, didn’t you brush your hair tonight, I’ll tidy you up, don’t worry, I’ll tidy you up but the sun was just a withered-up sunflower THOUGHTS, TERRIBLE THOUGHTS They’ll take their largest knives out of their bags and they’ll incise our muscle walls and when she went to the stars ALWAYS WHISPERING ABOUT ME I lift her up, I stand her upright, the water’s just there, there in the river the stars were just little white lice stuck on a piece of dirty old black cloth BEHIND THEIR HANDS Then kneeling up on the slabs and taking their saws from their cases, they’ll cut briskly through our rib cages so the little girl went back to Japan DREAMS, TERRIBLE DREAMS Come to the river, come to the water, I’ll wash everything away, then you’ll be clean but Japan was just an overturned pot of nothing ALL DREAMS, ALL THOUGHTS, ALL MEMORIES Then they’ll lay down their saws and pick up their knives again and incise into us again but more deeply this time the poor little girl completely alone now ALL TERRIBLE, ALL BLOODY, ALL IMPRECISE We wade into the river together, up to our knees, then to our chests, now to our necks she sat down and cried and she’s sitting there still EACH MEMORY, EACH THOUGHT, EACH DREAM Then they’ll take out our hearts, and they’ll weigh our hearts, on their cold metal scales sitting there still, all alone, still crying A WOUND