David Peace - Red or Dead

In the house, in their kitchen. In the night and in the silence. At the table, in the chair, Bill stood up. Bill walked back out of the kitchen. Bill walked back into the other room. Bill walked back over to the other chair. Bill picked up his book from the arm of the chair. His book of names, his book of notes. Bill went back out of the room. Bill went back into the kitchen. Bill sat back down. In the night, in the kitchen. At the table, in the chair. Bill opened his book again. His book of names, his book of notes. And Bill stared down at the pages of his book again. The pages of names, the pages of notes. And Bill turned the pages again. Again and again. These pages of names, these pages of notes. Backwards and forwards, again and again. Through all these names, through all these notes. All the players and all the games. The games still to come and the games that had been. Again and again, forwards and backwards. In the night, in the kitchen. Bill stopped turning the pages. The pages of names, the pages of notes. Bill closed the book. The book of names, the book of notes. And at the table, in the chair. Bill closed his eyes again –

It was half-time, half-time in the game against Plymouth Argyle, half-time in the twenty-first game of the season, half-time in the 1961– 62 season. Half-time and Liverpool Football Club were drawing one-all with Plymouth Argyle. At home, at Anfield. Bill walked into the dressing room, the home dressing room. And Bill sat down on the bench beside Johnny Wheeler. Johnny Wheeler had come in for Tommy Leishman. Tommy Leishman was injured, Tommy Leishman could not play. So Bill had brought in Johnny Wheeler. Bill had had no choice. In the dressing room, on the bench. Bill put his hand on the top of Johnny Wheeler’s thigh. Bill gripped it hard. And Bill said, Christ, you are playing well today, John. You are playing well. As well as I’ve ever seen you play, John. And Christ, I’ve seen you play some games. Some great games, John. But today you are turning back the tide. Rolling back the years, John. But I know you must be feeling those years by now. Feeling every one of those years, John. But forty-five more minutes. Forty-five more minutes, John. That is all I ask. That’s all I ask of you, John. Just give forty-five more minutes like the last forty-five minutes. Can you do that for me, John?

Johnny Wheeler nodded.

Bill patted Johnny Wheeler’s thigh. Bill patted it gently. And Bill said, Thank you, John. Thank you.

Back in the dug-out, the home dug-out. Bill watched and Bill waited. Bill waited and Bill watched. And in the eightieth minute, Ian St John scored. And Liverpool Football Club beat Plymouth Argyle two — one. At home, at Anfield. And after the whistle, the final whistle. In the dug-out, the home dug-out. Bill stood up again. Bill walked down the touchline, the Anfield touchline again. Liverpool Football Club had now played twenty-one games. Liverpool Football Club now had thirty-three points. Liverpool Football Club were still first in the Second Division. But it was still half-time, still only half-time. Liverpool Football Club still had half the season to come. Liverpool Football Club still had twenty-one games to play. But Johnny Wheeler would never play another game for Liverpool Football Club.

In the house, in their kitchen. In the night and in the silence. At the table, in the chair. Bill opened his eyes again. And Bill got up from the chair again, up from the table again. Bill walked over to the wall. Bill switched off the light. Bill walked up the stairs. Liverpool Football Club had beaten Bristol Rovers two — nil. At home, at Anfield. Liverpool Football Club had thirty-five points. Liverpool Football Club still first in the Second Division. Leyton Orient still second, Leyton Orient with twenty-seven points. Bill went into the bathroom. Bill switched on the light. Bill washed his face, Bill cleaned his teeth. And then Bill looked up into the mirror. Liverpool Football Club had lost to Leeds United. Away from home, away from Anfield. In the bathroom, in the mirror. Bill could hear the wind blowing around the house. In a gale, a winter gale. Liverpool Football Club had lost to Rotherham United. Away from home, away from Anfield. Again. Liverpool Football Club still had thirty-five points. Liverpool Football Club still first in the Second Division. Leyton Orient still second, Leyton Orient now with thirty-one points. And now with a game in hand. In the bathroom, in the mirror. Bill turned away. Bill switched off the light. And Bill walked into the bedroom. In the bedroom, in the dark. Bill got undressed. In the dark and in the cold. Rotherham United should have come to Anfield, Liverpool. And Liverpool Football Club should have had the chance to put things right. To make amends, to take revenge. But in the dark and in the cold. The weather was against Liverpool Football Club. And the game was postponed. Leyton Orient’s game was not postponed. Leyton Orient played Swansea Town. And Leyton Orient beat Swansea Town three — one. Leyton Orient now had thirty-three points. In the dark and in the cold. Bill put on his pyjamas. Liverpool Football Club still had thirty-five points. Liverpool Football Club still first in the Second Division. Just. In the dark and in the cold. Bill got into bed. But Bill did not close his eyes. Bill did not go to sleep. In the dark, in their bed. Bill stared up at the ceiling. In the dark, in their bed. Bill was still thinking things over, Bill was still turning things over. Over and over. In the dark, in his mind. The games that had been and the games-to-come, the players he had picked and the players he might. Thinking who should step down and who should step up, thinking who was ready and who was not. Ready to step up, ready or not. In the dark, in his mind. Wondering who was deserving of faith and who was not. Wondering, always wondering. Bill was always wondering. In the dark, in their bed. Bill could not close his eyes. Bill could not sleep, Bill just could not sleep.

Upstairs in their bedroom, at the window. Bill drew back the curtains. Bill looked out through the glass at the trees, up through the trees to the sky. The sky and the dawn. And Bill smiled. Downstairs in the house, in their kitchen. Ness and the girls were clearing away the breakfast things. Washing up the pots, putting away the plates. They were chatting and they were laughing. Upstairs in their bedroom, at the window. Bill smiled again. And Bill turned away from the window. Bill walked over to the bed. Bill picked up his shirt and Bill put on his shirt. His brand-new red shirt. Bill went to the dressing table. Bill opened the top drawer. Bill took out his cufflinks. His gold cufflinks. Bill closed the drawer. Bill did up the cuffs of his shirt. His brand-new red shirt. Bill went to the wardrobe. Bill opened the doors. Bill took out his suit. His freshly cleaned grey suit with the white pinstripe. Bill left the wardrobe doors open. Bill walked over to the bed. Bill laid out the suit on top of the bed covers. Bill took the trousers from the coat hanger. Bill put on the trousers of his suit. His freshly cleaned grey suit with the white pinstripe. Bill went back to the dressing table. Bill opened the second drawer of the dressing table. Bill took out a red tie. The red tie his daughters had given him for Christmas. The red tie Bill had never worn before. Bill closed the drawer. Bill walked back to the wardrobe. The doors still open. Bill stood before the mirror on the back of one of the doors. Bill put on his tie. His red tie. Bill went back over to the bed. Bill picked up the jacket from the bed. Bill took the jacket from the coat hanger. Bill put on the jacket of his suit. His freshly cleaned grey suit with the white pinstripe. Bill walked back over to the dressing table. Bill opened the top drawer of the dressing table again. Bill took out one white handkerchief and one red pocket square. Bill closed the drawer. Bill put the white handkerchief in his left trouser pocket. Bill laid the red pocket square on the top of the dressing table. It looked like a red diamond. Bill brought the bottom point of the red pocket square up to the top point. It looked like a red triangle. Bill brought the left corner of the triangle to the right corner and then the right corner to the left corner. It looked like a long red rectangle with a point at the top. Bill folded the bottom almost towards the top. Bill walked back over to the mirror on the back of the wardrobe door. Bill stood before the mirror. Bill placed the red pocket square in the breast pocket of his grey jacket. Bill looked in the mirror. Bill adjusted the pocket square until just enough of the point was coming out of the pocket. The red point out of the grey pocket. Bill stepped back a little from the mirror. In the house, their semidetached house on Bellefield Avenue, West Derby. In the bedroom, in the mirror. Bill looked at himself, Bill saw himself. And Bill smiled. Today, Chelsea Football Club were coming to Anfield, Liverpool. Today, the world would be coming to Anfield, too. Today, Bill knew the world would be watching Liverpool Football Club. And Bill could not wait, Bill just could not wait.