Naguib Mahfouz - Heart of the Night

“I don’t pretend to have attained this high level. It is even possible that my inability to do so was an important factor in my tragedy. I do not preach the disregard of instincts or the underrating of them, but I long to avoid their negative impact on the truth. Imagine us free of submission to ego, capable of evaluating our countries without the influence of what we call patriotism. Generally speaking, the wise human being became my goal, as the godly human being had been in the past.”

I said to Jaafar, “Some writers have painted a frightening picture of this logical concept of the world.”

“I know that. It is because they approached it with sick, romantic, stupid hearts. But I believe that the mind will one day help the human being do without his instincts and emotions, and they will all become as useless as the body’s appendix.”

“But how did your life turn upside-down so tragically?” I asked.

“I told you before that I proceed in life by impulsive leaps. I discovered the world of the mind suddenly and it fascinated me. I became aware that I had been experimenting in the void, and I was now invited to venture truly into the world of the mind. That was the genuine adventure.”

“What about freedom?” I asked with interest.

“Freedom is like an adventure. You practice it sometimes, for the enjoyment of the instincts, the way I enjoyed Marwana, wine, and narcotics. But that is slavery masquerading as freedom. True freedom, on the other hand, is an awareness of the mind, its message, and its objectives. It consists in determining freely the means to be used, and organizing them meticulously in a manner that causes them to act like chains. It is therefore freedom masquerading as slavery. This is how my life proceeded in the house in Manyal. There was a time for studies, a time for free reading, and a time for discussions, promenades, and love. It traveled on a long road over which I raised the flag of reason.”

Interrupting, I asked him to tell me about the tragedy.

He sighed and said, “Be patient. It was a private tragedy. First I want to submit to you my vision of a public tragedy, that of the wise human being. Before the creation of the mind, man was in harmony with himself and his life: a life of harsh struggle. He did not seem to have a choice but to endure it, like any other animal. When he received the gift of the mind and began creating civilization, he bore a new charge, an inevitable responsibility, and one that he was not qualified to assume. It was then that he became aware of the full view, that his life on earth was the life of a single being, despite the obvious contradictions. The truth of the matter is that that man was and continues to be in a period of transition where the instincts and the mind are both present. The instincts oppose whatever the mind advises, and to this day, the instincts always win — at least in public life.

“The mind achieved total supremacy only in the sciences. Apart from that, it submits to the instincts, and even the achievements of science are gobbled up by the instincts. Though the mind maintains its own language in the field of research, the language that appeals to the masses continues to be the language of emotions and instincts, as evidenced by songs about sex, the homeland, racial discrimination, stupid dreams, and blunders. This is the public tragedy, and its red clouds won’t vanish until the voice of reason rises and instincts wither and cease to exist.

“My personal tragedy, however, was the result of the struggle between my mind and my unshakable belief in God. I was faced with the question that begged to be asked: how could I maintain my faith if I wanted to make the mind my guide and my inspiration? Consequently, my trust in pure faith was shaken, and so was my belief in the language of the heart. It was up to the mind to resolve this dilemma with its own strength. To deny that the mind was not created for this purpose is nothing short of an admission of failure, and to suggest replacing it with the heart or with spontaneity is another admission of failure.”

“What did your mind tell you to do?” I asked.

“My mind failed completely to comprehend God, or even envision Him, but it could not help but assume His presence. This is the tragedy, because if people believe that the problem is artificial and it is possible to live without thinking about it, everything loses its meaning, no matter how much meaning we attribute to all things with the power of our imagination, will, and courage. I envy those who live happily and die contented, having not known a god.

“I shared my worries with Huda, who has an unwavering faith, so strong that she never neglected a prayer or a day of fasting.

“She told me, ‘It is impossible to accept the universe without the existence of God. Don’t you see the continuous acts of creation taking place under our own eyes, in the world of plants, animals, and human beings? It is not possible to doubt the power of creation.’

“‘I want a very close connection and a strong conviction, like one plus one equals two,’ I said.

“‘We are talking about the heart as the source of faith,’ she replied. ‘But remember that only the man who reasons believes in God. Reason is in fact the foundation of faith, but man’s relative inability to be sentient, despite his aspirations to it, makes him assign faith to another organ of the body, to avoid contradiction.’

“‘The human being became aware of life, death, and fear,’ I said, ‘and so he ordered his mind to safeguard hope. Even Moses himself wanted to see God.’”

At this point I asked him, “What about your faith now, Jaafar?”

He threw his head back, and with his weak eyes looked at the stream of stars between the minaret of al-Hussein Mosque on the one side and the old houses on the other. “I am unable to deny God’s existence!” he whispered.

He went on narrating his story. “I progressed in my studies and achieved huge success. I became more aware and acquired a diverse culture. I had four boys. It was the happiest and the most fulfilling period in my life.

“Muhammad Shakroun was in charge of the legal alimony to Marwana. When my oldest son reached the legal age to live with me, I decided to use my right to claim him. Huda did not object when I informed her of my decision, but I found out that Marwana had remarried and gone with her husband and the children to live in an oasis. Some said she went to Libya. I was extremely sad.

“My friendship with Shakroun remained intact. We prayed each Friday in al-Hussein Mosque, then ate lunch in Hilmiya. Shakroun’s Islam was limited to the Friday prayer and abstaining from alcohol during the month of Ramadan. He explained to me that artists like him would be judged more leniently, due to their life conditions and the needs of their profession. His success as a second-class singer was established. His popular songs became known and were available on records. He moved with his family to Rod al-Farag, but he never had children.

“He remained my only friend until I met colleagues from Khan Jaafar, who were ahead of me in their studies and worked as lawyers and teachers. I benefited from them, but that was not their only impact on my life, as you will see.

“My children were my main source of happiness. They were extremely handsome and healthy. The oldest was a copy of his great-grandfather, al-Rawi.

“I heard very little about my grandfather, only what Shakroun reported to me. As he grew older, he kept to his house, leaving it only for the Friday prayer at the mosque. He limited the number of receptions for his friends. Those who frequented his home had the impression that with age he had forgotten his past and present preoccupations. I wondered whether I would be more than a memory in his heart.