Rachel Cusk - The Country Life

In the event, the iron railing of the balcony saved what I had become convinced I did not want; for as I stood there, the shock of my discovery combined with the strong sunlight to bring about a sudden giddiness and I appeared briefly to faint. When I came to, with the sound of Edward’s monotonous exclamation in my ears, I was collapsed in a kind of V over the balustrade, which, had it given way, would certainly have resulted in my death.

How long this unfortunate recollection endured I could not say. After I had gone through it in my mind, I was awash with strong emotions, which sluiced over me in inarticulate waves. Everything became very confused; but presently I began to come to my senses there in the garden of Franchise Farm. My eyes were closed, but I felt the warm, prickly grass beneath my back and legs and realized that I was lying down.

‘She’s still unconscious,’ said a man’s voice. ‘I think she’ll be all right, though.’

I opened my eyes a crack. The man was crouched beside me. He was wearing a blue T-shirt and was looking away so that I couldn’t see his face.

‘Are you sure we shouldn’t call an ambulance?’ said the woman, whom I couldn’t see without moving my head. She sounded young and was well-spoken.

‘Maybe. I don’t know. She vomited a lot of water, which is the main thing.’

I snapped my eyes shut again, fully alert now.

‘Perhaps she banged her head.’

‘Might have. Doesn’t look like it. I’m sure she’ll wake up in a minute.’

‘God, where on earth is Daddy?’ cried the woman impatiently. ‘He’s never around when you need him! I don’t even know who she is or anything.’

‘She’s probably his mistress,’ said the man with a laugh. ‘Running around the place in her knickers.’

I felt a blush begin to suffuse my cheeks. Now I dared not open my eyes, and began wondering how long I could reasonably prolong my coma.

‘ Mark! ’ said the woman reproachfully. I could hear a smile in her voice. ‘Thank God we were here to pull her out, though. A minute later and she’d have drowned.’

‘She was pretty lucky.’

The woman giggled suddenly. ‘She does look terribly odd. Look, I’m just going to run back over to the house and make sure he hasn’t slipped in the front way.’

‘OK.’

There was silence. The man cleared his throat once or twice beside me. I was beginning to feel an uncontrollable desire to move. The sun was burning my face.

‘Mark!’ shouted the woman just then, from a distance. ‘Look at this!’

‘Jesus!’ he said after a pause. ‘That explains that, then. She must have been pissed. No wonder she’s out cold.’

‘I’ve just realized,’ said the woman, closer now. ‘She must be Martin’s au pair. What a scandal ! Mummy’ll be furious.’

I opened my eyes. The woman — girl, really — was standing above me to my left. She wore a short red dress with no sleeves.

‘Oh look!’ she said, meeting my eyes, ‘She’s waking up! Hel- lo .’ She knelt down beside me, suddenly solicitous, and put her hand on my arm. ‘How are you feeling? You nearly drowned, you know.’

I couldn’t take my eyes from her face. She was around my own age and quite beautiful, dark and slender with a mass of black ringlets. Her expression was tender. Around her neck was a delicate gold chain. I don’t think I have ever hated anyone in my life as much as I hated this girl in that moment.

‘Welcome back!’ said the man cheerfully, kneeling down and putting his arm affectionately around her brown shoulders.

As soon as I saw his face, I knew that everything was over. I sat up abruptly and our eyes met.

‘ Stella? ’ he said.

‘So how do you know her?’ said Pamela again, as if she couldn’t take it in.

‘From university,’ said Mark. ‘Actually, I knew Edward better than I did Stella. I haven’t seen her for years. I didn’t recognize her at first. She looks different.’

‘Who is Edward? The ex-boyfriend?’

‘No.’ Mark sounded surprised. ‘He’s her husband.’

I was standing behind the door in the dark ante-room, which I had discovered to be an excellent location for eavesdropping on the events of the kitchen.

‘Her husband !’ shrieked Pamela. ‘How on earth — why on earth didn’t she tell us? Are they divorced?’

‘Not so far as I know. They only got married a few weeks ago.’

‘Mark was supposed to go to the wedding,’ interjected Millie.

‘But then that Egyptian trip came up and I couldn’t make it.’

‘Can you believe it?’ added Millie.

‘Well.’ Pamela sighed dramatically. ‘I must say I’m absolutely astonished .’

‘Isn’t it a coincidence?’ persisted Millie.

‘But does he know she’s here? I mean, why hasn’t he been in touch? Why has she never mentioned that she had a husband squirreled away?’

‘I had heard ,’ began Mark doubtfully, ‘that something had happened.’

‘What sort of something?’

‘An accident of some sort. I’m not sure of the details.’

‘Don’t beat about the bush,’ said Pamela briskly. ‘What sort of accident?’

‘No, really, I only heard the vaguest rumours about it. I couldn’t say for sure. I’d hate to get it wrong.’

‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ said Pamela.

‘Come on, Mark,’ said Millie.

‘It happened when they were on honeymoon. That’s all I know. I think she had a bit of a fall or something, and that’s the last anyone heard of her.’

‘What can you mean?’ cried Pamela. ‘What sort of a fall? Do you mean she fell off a cliff and her husband couldn’t find her, and the next thing we know is that she’s washed up here?’

‘Calm down, Mummy.’

‘She fell,’ resumed Mark, his voice constricted, ‘and nearly went over the balcony of their hotel room. In Rome, I think. She wasn’t hurt. But she evidently went a bit funny.’

‘In the head?’ demanded Pamela.

‘Possibly. There was a suggestion that it might have been — deliberate , if you see what I mean. Don’t quote me on that, though. As I say, I’ve only heard the vaguest rumours. In any case, she came back to London without Edward and then disappeared.’

‘Well, perhaps she didn’t like Edward. Perhaps that’s all there was to it.’

I felt a pang of fondness for Pamela as I stood crushed behind the ante-room door.

‘Why would she have married him if she didn’t like him?’ said Millie.

‘Oh, how should I know?’ said Pamela irritably. There was a clatter of saucepans. ‘Pass me that dish, would you? I really must get on with dinner. It’s getting terribly late.’

‘I still can’t understand what she’s doing here,’ said Mark after a pause. ‘Even if things did go wrong with Edward, it does seem rather extreme to pack in your job and leave London and all that.’

‘What job?’ said Pamela. ‘I thought she was temping.’

‘Oh no, I don’t think so. She was a solicitor, as far as I remember. Something like that, anyway. She had a degree, for God’s sake.’

‘I can’t see what having a degree, if that’s what she’s got, has to do with anything. We’re not exactly barbarians down here. You may think country people sit around discussing crop rotation, but—’

‘ Mummy! ’ said Millie.

‘I’m merely defending myself against the suggestion that we’re some sort of second best. I shouldn’t think Stella would say that she’s been bored. You’d need a degree to keep up with Martin, for Heaven’s sake.’

There was a silence, and more clattering sounds.