Sarah Gerard - Binary Star

I rest my head on the seat.

My abdomen hardening. Burns when I breathe.

Antimatter.

Locks Glued.

Torn Down.

Back of the class.

Axes.

My mentor is here.

Thanks for coming. Sit.

I’m fine standing.

Or I’m burning calories. Or I bend at the knees. Tunnel vision.

I heard them scream in the darkness.

Activists Stand Against Cruelty.

I’m afraid. He was afraid.

You have what it takes.

Your students need you.

I lean on the desk.

You’ve something authentic.

Like fire?

Arson Claimed as Action of Eco-Terrorist Cell.

I fall to my knees.

I’m faint.

You exhibit these principles.

I’m throwing up blood.

I’m reeling. I’m reeling.

I’m reeling.

I shine.

Many, many people helped this book reach you, reader. My deepest, most heartfelt thanks to my mom and dad, who taught me that empathy and health are important above all else. To my family, whose constant love and support keep me sane. To my first reader, David Formentin, who meets me in our passion for storytelling.

I’m infinitely grateful for the guidance of Adriann Ranta and the tireless, inspiring work of Eric and Eliza Obenauf. I owe special thanks to Adjua Greaves, Binary Star ’s second reader and first copy-editor, and to Keith and Lucy Bailey, who opened up a home for me for a month while I wrote this.

Thank you, Sarah McNally, and the brilliant, dedicated booksellers of McNally Jackson for all that you taught me, and continue to teach me, which I could never hope to summarize. And thank you, Betsy Sussler, and the staff of BOMB Magazine, for giving my writing a place to grow so early in its life — and for everything you’ve done and continue to do for artists.

Of course, I owe a great debt to my instructors at The New School for their time and expertise: Ann Hood, Shelley Jackson, Helen Schulman, Dale Peck, Jonathan Dee, and John Reed, who has also been a great mentor and friend to me. Justin Taylor and Susan Shapiro have also been wonderful mentors and friends.

My fellow writers, the most profound thanks to you for sharing your work with me, and for your ceaseless reading and rereading, draft after draft: Rachel Hurn, Whitney Wimbish, Amanda Harris, Carly Dashiell, and Ken Derry.

And to all who have struggled and continue to struggle with food: keep fighting. There is a world for you.