Yu Hua - Brothers

The two cripples understood what he was saying and immediately dug into their pockets. The four blind men heard Baldy Li and did the same. The five deaf men couldn't hear what was being said, but they could see, and they realized they were expected to donate their money and grain coupons as well, so they also dug into their pockets. The three idiots, however, just stood there cackling; therefore, the two cripples went to empty the three idiots’ pockets, but when they didn't find any money or grain coupons, they began to curse: "Damn it."

These loyal minions were able to come up with only a few coins and some wrinkled grain coupons, but they handed it over to Baldy Li, who lowered his head and carefully counted the pile. The grain coupons added up to precisely a pound of grain, and the coins totaled forty-eight cents. Swallowing his saliva, Baldy Li said regretfully, "If only I had twenty-six more cents, I could have two bowls of house-special noodles."

The two cripples turned their pockets inside out to show that they had handed over everything they had. They told the four blind men to turn their pockets inside out as well, then told the three idiots and five deaf men to do the same. In the end, they had no choice but to shake their heads and inform Baldy Li regretfully, "There's no more."

Baldy Li gestured magnanimously. "Even if I can't have two bowls of house-special noodles, at least I can have five bowls of plain noodles."

Then Baldy Li, surrounded by his fourteen loyal minions, left the factory and headed toward the People's Restaurant. His minions’ pockets were all turned inside out, as though they had been robbed. The expressions on their faces, however, were as proud as if they had just received their paychecks. The two cripples still walked in front, followed by the three idiots holding hands, with the four blind men picking up the rear. Baldy Li and the five deaf men then divided into two groups of three and walked on either side of the procession to maintain order. Having learned from their experience when they marched on the knitting factory to help Baldy Li declare his love for Lin Hong, this time they marched in an orderly fashion, functioning as an honor guard phalanx.

They marched grandly into the People's Restaurant, where Baldy Li threw his fistful of coins onto the meal ticket counter. He had just added the wrinkled bills on top when the crippled factory director said, "Five bowls of plain noodles!"

"Nonsense," Baldy Li corrected him. "I don't want five bowls of plain noodles. I want one bowl of house-special noodles and one bowl of plain noodles."

The cripple asked Baldy Li, "Didn't you burp empty air for three straight months?"

Baldy Li, his bald head shining, said, "Even if I had burped empty air for three fucking years, I still wouldn't be able to eat five bowls of noodles in one sitting. The most I can eat is two; and if I am only going to have two bowls, naturally one will be house-special noodles."

The cripple understood, and in a loud voice told the waitress at the counter, "One plain and one special — two bowls altogether."

Baldy Li was very pleased with the cripple's summation of his order and complimented him, "Well put!"

Then he sat down at a round table with his fourteen loyal minions. The two cripples sat on either side of him, to show their status, and the three idiots and five deaf men took the remaining seats. They all looked around at the restaurants decorations and then at the passersby outside. The four blind men sitting across from Baldy Li were the calmest of all, merely holding their canes and grinning.

The waiter brought over the two bowls of noodles, but when he saw fifteen people sitting around the table, he didn't know where to place them. Baldy Li waved at him, saying, "Both are for me."

The two steaming bowls of noodles were placed in front of Baldy Li, who then pointed at them with his chopsticks and asked with a smile, "Which will I eat first? The advantage of starting with the house special is that I would eat the best one first, but then I wouldn't be able to appreciate the plain one. This strategy would be one of seeking quick profits. On the other hand, if I start with the plain one followed by the house special, I would be able to appreciate the flavor of each, and furthermore they would get increasingly flavorful through the meal. This latter strategy is one of long-range ambition."

Baldy Li hadn't even finished his speech when he heard his fourteen loyal minions all swallow eagerly. He could see the idiots drooling and realized that if he didn't stop talking, they were likely to pounce on his noodles, so he said loudly, "I'll fucking eat the house special one first!"

Protecting the bowl of plain noodles with his left hand, Baldy Li grabbed his chopsticks with his right. He then buried his face in the bowl of house-special noodles, sucking and slurping with great satisfaction. He finished the entire bowl in one gulp, and only then did he lift his head and wipe the grease from his lips and the sweat from his brow. Hearing his loyal minions all still swallowing eagerly, he promised them, "In the future, when I have money, I'll treat you to bowls of house-special noodles every day."

The fourteen loyal minions stared at Baldy Li's bowls intently, watching as he drank down every last drop of broth. Eventually, he stood up and said emotionally to his minions, "With heaven above me, the earth below, and all of you in between, I, Baldy Li, swear to heaven, earth, and to all of you: I have decided to return and continue being your Factory Director Li!"

The fourteen loyal minions stared in surprise. The four blind men were the first to respond, and began to applaud. The two cripples immediately joined them, followed by the five deaf men, although they actually had no idea what Baldy Li had just said. The three idiots, still drooling everywhere, were the last to join in. The applause continued for a full five minutes, during which time Baldy Li stood there with his head raised and his chest out, smiling happily. Then, surrounded by his loyal minions, he left the restaurant and headed straight for Tao Qing's Civil Affairs Bureau. Retaining the configuration they had when they had set off, they marched through the streets of Liu. Baldy Li rubbed his belly and burped loudly, walking contentedly next to the crippled factory director. The cripple heard Baldy Li's burp and asked with a laugh, "This time it wasn't an empty burp?"

"Not at all!" Baldy Li replied emphatically, and his tongue curled in his mouth, tasting his most recent burp. He told the crippled factory director, "It is flavored — a three-flavored, house-special burp."

Baldy Li burped the entire way there. When they were about to arrive, the taste of the burps in Baldy Li's mouth began to change. Curling up his tongue several times, he told the cripple disappointedly, "Damn it — the house-special noodles that I ate first have now disappeared."

"So soon?" the cripple asked in surprise. He turned around and looked at Baldy Li. "Are you still burping?"

"Now they are plain burps!" Baldy wiped his mouth and added, "I am beginning to digest the plain noodles I ate last."

At that point Tao Qing was in the process of chairing a meeting and was reading an official document aloud, like a monk intoning scriptures. When he heard the commotion outside, he looked out the window and saw the courtyard packed with handicapped workers from the Good Works Factory. Tao put down the document he was holding and, frowning, walked out of the conference room and toward the grinning Baldy Li. Baldy Li burped up some more plain noodles and then warmly grasped Tao Qing's hand, announcing, "Bureau Director Tao, I have returned!"

Tao Qing looked at Baldy Li's swollen face and perfunctorily shook his braised-pork-like hand, asking solemnly, "Who has returned?"