Yu Hua - Chronicle of a Blood Merchant

Standing on the stool was very much like participating in a struggle session. She had to stand with her head bowed in front of her, because criminals were expected to bow their heads in just such a manner. Xu Yulan stood on the stool with her head bowed, staring at her feet. But if she stared at one spot for too long, her eyes would start to get sore, so every once in a while she looked up at the people walking up and down the street.

She noticed that no one paid any attention to her. Some of the people who went by would glance in her direction, but only a very few of them gave her a second look. This made Xu Yulan feel much better, and she told Xu Sanguan, “When I stand on the street, I’m just like a telephone pole for all anyone cares.”

She said, “Xu Sanguan, I’m not afraid of anything anymore. I’ve suffered everything now. There’s nothing else they can do to me. It’s already come to this. What more could they do to me? Kill me? Fine, I’m really not afraid of dying. But sometimes I think about you, I think about the kids, and I start to feel frightened. If it wasn’t for you and the kids, I really wouldn’t be afraid of anything.”

The thought of her three sons brought tears to her eyes.

“Yile and Erle ignore me. They won’t even talk to me anymore. When I call to them, they pretend not to hear me. Sanle’s the only one who still talks to me, who still dares to call me his mom. I’m out there every day suffering, and when I get home, you’re the only one who’s good to me. When my feet are swollen, you pour a basin of hot water for me to soak them in. When I come home late, you’ve kept some dinner under the quilt because you were afraid it would get cold. When I’m standing out there on the street, you’re the one who brings me things to eat and water to drink. Xu Sanguan, as long as you’re good to me, I’m not afraid of anything in the world.”

Xu Yulan usually had to stand out in the street all day long, so Xu Sanguan would bring her something to eat and water to drink. At first Xu Sanguan wanted Yile to go, but Yile refused. “Dad, why don’t you tell Erle to do it?”

Xu Sanguan called for Erle and told him, “Erle, we’ve all eaten, but your mom hasn’t had anything yet. Why don’t you take her something to eat?”

Erle shook his head. “Dad, why don’t you have Sanle do it?”

Xu Sanguan got angry. He said, “I ask Yile to do it, and he passes the job on to Erle. I ask Erle to do it, and he passes the job to Sanle. And Sanle, the little brat, just puts the bowl down on the ground and disappears without a trace. When they want to eat, when they want clothes on their backs, when they want some money, they’re my sons all right. But when it comes to taking their mom something to eat, it seems like I don’t have any sons anymore.”

Erle said to Xu Sanguan, “Dad, I don’t want to go outside anymore. Whenever I go out, people who know who we are call me Two Yuan a Night. It’s so embarrassing.”

Yile said, “I’m not afraid of them calling me Two Yuan a Night. If they call me names, I just call them names right back and even louder than they did. And I’m not afraid of fighting either. If there are more of them than me, I’ll just run. I’ll head home and get a knife and run back and show them and say I’m a merciless killer and if they don’t believe me, they can go ask Blacksmith Fang’s son. Then it’s their turn to run. It’s not that I’m afraid of going out. I just don’t feel like going out, that’s all.”

Xu Sanguan said, “I’m the one who should be afraid to go out. Whenever I go out, people throw little rocks at me, and spit at me, and other people want me to stop and publicly denounce your mom. If they did that to you kids, you could just pretend you didn’t know or understand, but I’m too afraid of what will happen if I refuse to say anything. It’s just as bad for me, if not worse. What are you kids afraid of? You kids were born into the new society, and you’ve grown up under the red flag. You’re innocent. Look at Sanle. Isn’t that little brat out all day long, playing in the streets? Though he’s taken it a little too far today. It’s getting late, and he still hasn’t come home.”

When Sanle came home, Xu Sanguan called him over for a talk.

“Where did you go? You left right after breakfast and haven’t been home all day. Where were you? Who were you playing with?”

Sanle said, “I don’t remember anymore. I went so many places that I can’t remember. And I wasn’t playing with anyone else, just by myself.”

Sanle was willing to deliver the food to his mom, but Xu Sanguan worried that he was still too small for the responsibility. He had no choice but to bring her the food himself. He packed the rice in a little aluminum lunchbox and walked out into the street.

He could see Xu Yulan standing on the stool in the distance, head bowed, with the placard hanging from her neck. Her hair had started to grow out a little, and she looked like a little boy from a distance. Xu Yulan’s clothes were in tatters, and her back was curved like the question marks that filled the big-character posters. Her hands hung limply in front of her, and because she kept her head at about the same height as her bent upper back, they dangled level with her knees.

Xu Sanguan, seeing the sorry state she was in, felt wave after wave of sorrow roll through him as he approached. When he arrived by her side, he said, “I’m here.”

Xu Yulan’s bowed head turned to look at Xu Sanguan, who showed her the little aluminum lunchbox.

“I’ve brought you some food.”

Xu Yulan stepped down, sat on the stool, adjusted the placard, and took the aluminum lunchbox. She lifted the cover and set the lunchbox down on the stool beside her. When she saw that all there was in the box was rice, without even a little vegetables or meat, she said nothing, merely picking up the spoon and starting to eat. She stared at her feet as she chewed on the rice.

Xu Sanguan stood by her side, watching her silently eat her meal. After a moment he lifted his head to look at the people walking up and down the street.

A few people, noticing Xu Yulan sitting on the stool and eating, walked up to her, glanced inside the lunchbox, and asked Xu Sanguan, “What did you bring her to eat?”

Xu Sanguan hastily took the lunchbox from Xu Yulan’s hand and showed it to them, saying, “Have a look. All there is is this rice. No meat or vegetables. You can see for yourself. I’m not giving her anything but rice.”

They nodded. “That’s right. Nothing in there but rice.”

One of them asked, “Why don’t you put something else in there? Plain rice is pretty tasteless without any vegetables or meat.”

Xu Sanguan said, “I can’t give her anything good to eat. If I gave her something good to eat”—he pointed in Xu Yulan’s direction—“I’d be ‘shielding the enemy.’ When I make her eat plain rice without any extras, it’s so I can ‘struggle’ against her too.”

As Xu Sanguan spoke, Xu Yulan kept her head bowed to the ground, not even daring to chew on the rice she had in her mouth. It wasn’t until they had moved into the distance that Xu Yulan began to chew again.

When Xu Sanguan saw that there was no one in the vicinity, he whispered to her, “I hid the good stuff under the rice. No one’s looking now. Have a bite.”

Xu Yulan dug through the rice with a spoon and saw that the bottom of the lunchbox was full of meat. Xu Sanguan had cooked her red-braised pork. She picked up a piece of the pork with her spoon, popped it into her mouth, bowed her head, and continued to chew.

Xu Sanguan whispered, “I made it for you in secret. Even the kids don’t know.”

Xu Yulan nodded, ate a few more spoonfuls of rice, and then put the cover back on the lunchbox. She told Xu Sanguan, “I don’t want any more.”