Yu Hua - To Live

Everyone looked at the team leader and then at those Red Guards. Finally, in twos and threes, we uttered, “The team leader’s a good man. He’s never bullied or oppressed us.”

The girl frowned as she looked at us.

“You’re hopeless,” she said.

With that, she turned to her fellow Red Guards and waved her hand. “Take him away.”

Two of the Red Guards walked over to the team leader and grabbed hold of his arms. The team leader stretched out his neck, screaming, “I’m not going! Help me, I can’t go into town! Going into town is like going to the grave!”

But no matter how much the team leader screamed and yelled, it was useless. They twisted his arms behind his back so that he had to stoop over, and they took him away. Everybody watched as the Red Guards shouted slogans and marched off with a look of murder in their eyes. Not a single person went up to try to stop them. No one had that kind of courage.

As soon as the team leader was carried off like that, everyone was struck by the grim possibilities. The entire town was in a state of pure chaos. Even if the team leader was able to hold on to his life, he’d probably end up losing an arm or a leg. But who could have known that he would come back in less than three days? He stumbled down the road toward home with a blackened nose and swollen eyes. When the people working in the fields saw him they rushed over and called out, “Team leader!”

The team leader raised his eyebrows and looked at everybody but didn’t utter a word. He kept walking until he got to his house, where he lay down and slept for two whole days. On the third day he picked up his hoe and went back to the fields. By then the swelling on his face was not nearly as bad. When he came out everyone surrounded him, asking all sorts of questions. When they asked him if he was still sore, he shook his head and said, “The pain wasn’t so bad. The worst part was they didn’t let me get any fucking sleep — it was like torture.”

As the team leader continued, tears came to his eyes. “I guess I’ve finally seen it all. I’ve always taken care of everyone as if you were my own children, but now that I’m in trouble I just have to live with my bad luck, huh? Not a single one of you came to help me.”

After the team leader said that, none of us had the nerve to look him in the eye. The team leader was dragged into town and had to withstand three days of beating, but in the end he came out all right. Chunsheng, on the other hand, lived in town, and he wasn’t as lucky. I wasn’t aware that Chunsheng had run into trouble until I went into town to visit Fengxia one day. On my way there I saw a group of people being paraded around the street wearing signs around their necks and all different kinds of paper dunce hats. At first I didn’t pay much attention to them, but as soon as they passed by me I was taken aback. The one in front was Chunsheng. Chunsheng had his head lowered, so he didn’t notice me. As soon as he passed by, he picked up his head and chanted, “Long live Chairman Mao!”

A couple of kids wearing red armbands rushed over to him. Kicking and hitting him, they cursed, “Was that you who yelled? You fucking capitalist roader!”

Chunsheng was knocked partly to the ground, his body resting on the wooden sign that hung from his neck. One of the kids kicked his head, making a “bong” sound; it sounded like a hole had been knocked in his head. His whole body collapsed to the ground. Chunsheng was beaten until he couldn’t make a sound — never in my whole life had I seen a person beaten like that. Lying on the ground, enduring relentless kicking, Chunsheng looked like a dead carcass. If they kept on like that, Chunsheng would be beaten to death. I went over and pulled two of them by the sleeve, saying, “I beg you, don’t beat him.”

They pushed me away with so much force I nearly fell to the ground.

“Who the hell are you?” they demanded.

“Please, stop hitting him,” I repeated.

One of them pointed to Chunsheng and said, “Do you know who he is? He’s the old magistrate, a capitalist roader!”

“I don’t know anything about that,” I said. “All I know is that he’s Chunsheng.”

Once they started talking, they stopped beating Chunsheng and ordered him to get up. After being beaten like that, how was Chunsheng supposed to get up? Just as I approached to help him up, Chunsheng recognized me. He said, “Fugui, get out of here.”

That day when I got home I sat on the edge of the bed and told Jiazhen what I had seen. After hearing what had happened, Jiazhen lowered her head and said, “I shouldn’t have kept Chunsheng from coming in that time.”

Although Jiazhen didn’t say anything else, I knew that we were thinking the same thing.

Over a month later, Chunsheng made a secret visit to our house. It was the middle of the night, and Jiazhen and I were both asleep when we were awakened by a knock at the door. I opened the door and by the light of the moon saw that it was Chunsheng, his face so swollen that it was round and inflamed.

“Chunsheng, hurry up and come in,” I said.

Chunsheng stood at the door, unwilling to come inside.

“Is it okay with your wife?” he asked.

“Jiazhen, it’s Chunsheng,” I called over to her in a hushed tone.

Jiazhen sat up in bed without answering. I asked Chunsheng in again, but without Jiazhen’s invitation Chunsheng wouldn’t budge.

“Fugui, can you come out for a second?” he asked.

I turned to Jiazhen and repeated, “Jiazhen, Chunsheng’s here.”

Jiazhen still didn’t answer, leaving me no choice but to drape a jacket over my shoulders and go out. Chunsheng walked over by the tree in front of our house and said to me, “Fugui, I came to say good-bye.”

“Where are you going?” I asked.

He bit his teeth trying to hold back his emotions as he uttered, “I don’t want to live anymore.”

His words shocked me. I quickly grabbed hold of his arms and said, “Chunsheng, don’t be ridiculous. You’ve got a wife and son.”

As soon as he heard this, Chunsheng started to cry.

“Fugui, every day they tie me up and beat me,” he said. As he spoke he stretched out his hands. “Feel my hands.”

The second I touched them I realized his hands felt as if they had been boiled. They were so hot it scared the hell out of me. I asked him, “Does it hurt?”

He shook his head. “I can’t feel them anymore.”

I gently pushed his shoulders and said, “Chunsheng, sit down.

“No matter what, you have got to think straight,” I told him. “The dead all want to keep on living. Here you are alive and kicking; you can’t die.”

I went on, “Your life is given to you by your parents. If you don’t want to live, you have to ask them first.”

Wiping his tears, Chunsheng said, “My parents passed away a long time ago.”

“Then that’s all the more reason to keep on living,” I said. “Think about it: from north to south you were in so many battles during the war. Staying alive wasn’t easy, was it?”

That night Chunsheng and I talked endlessly. Sitting inside in bed, Jiazhen heard everything. By the time dawn was approaching it seemed like Chunsheng had come around. When he stood up to leave, Jiazhen called from inside, “Chunsheng!”

For a moment the two of us were caught off guard. Only after Jiazhen called a second time did Chunsheng answer. We walked over to the door, and Jiazhen called out from bed, “Chunsheng, you’ve got to hang in there. You’ve got to keep on living.”

Chunsheng nodded his head, and Jiazhen began to cry.

“You still owe us a life,” she told him. “Hold on to your life to repay us.”

Chunsheng stood there for a moment.

“I know,” he finally said.