John Sayles - A Moment in the Sun

“My father will never accept him,” says Jessie, shaking her head as if it is a new realization, something the music has just informed her of, and not the recurring opera seria that has accompanied every lesson this year.

“That is what fathers are for, I’m afraid.”

“If he had any idea of how I feel, he’d lock me in the attic.”

Jessie plays the agitato departure in the middle of the étude, frowning at the keys. Miss Loretta has never thought of colored living in homes with attics before, but the Luncefords are quality people, Episcopalians, Jessie’s father a graduate of a northern medical college and her mother one of the doyennes of what Daddy calls “sepia society.” They have a lovely house on Nun Street, keep a carriage and a servant girl.

“You have a well-developed sense of drama, Jessie.”

“But I’m serious!”

“I do not doubt that for a moment.”

Miss Loretta’s father scolded and harangued but never took her seriously. Nor did Professor Einhorn, constantly bemoaning of her lack of Empfindsamkeit . Men. Self-important men, towering edifices of consequence. At least now when Daddy interrupts her playing with one of his perambulating tirades she is allowed to continue throughout his aria. Her piece must be slow and unobtrusive, of course — once she accompanied his outburst with the Heroic Polonaise and was cursed for mocking him. I am forty years of age, she thinks, and my father treats me like a dim schoolgirl.

Jessie leans back as she begins the return, softening her touch, the notes achingly beautiful, the first pale rays of sunshine after a storm, and looks to Miss Loretta with tears in her eyes. Sometimes it is the composition, sometimes her own sixteen-year-old’s romantic anguish — it does not much matter. She is not the singer that little Carrie was and has none of her ambition, but she is a channel for the music the way the truly gifted ones are. A prodigy, yes, though any of the colored girls who can make their way through a classical piece is labeled thus, and the term devalued. With this one Miss Loretta has to concentrate to be of any help, to resist the urge to stop judging and surrender to mere listening. The music is always of a piece when Jessie plays.

“I know you’re using them all, Miss Butler,” Professor Einhorn said to her once, “but I’m only hearing the white keys.”

It is, at times, difficult not to be jealous. The girl coming in at twelve and playing, flawlessly, the Minute Waltz , and when her teacher professed amazement saying, innocently, “But Miss Loretta, it’s a song .” And now—

“Idiocy!” thunders Daddy from the next room.

He stalks in waving the Messenger. Jessie leaps immediately into the Number Four, attacca il presto as Chopin himself suggested, the piece she likes to call “Off to the Races.”

“ ‘There is no gain,’ ” Daddy reads in the voice he uses to quote men he thinks to be fools, “ ‘that may be won through the peaceful machinations of diplomacy and commerce equal to that which is ripped from the enemy in the grisly pursuit of war!’ Have you ever heard such rot in your life?”

“I know, Daddy, it’s terrible.”

The sixteenth notes scurry after each other, Jessie seemingly unaware of the old man’s estimable presence in the room. Miss Loretta has heard this piece plagiarized in a particularly vulgar melodrama, underscoring the action as hero and villain chased each other around the stage and heroine wriggled helplessly tied across a railroad track.

“Imbeciles!” he cries, God’s angry man. “A pack of yellow dogs! Jingo-istic, profiteering, mealy-mouthed—”

The veins are standing out in his neck in the manner that worries her so, Daddy thwacking the rolled newspaper against his thigh to emphasize each new deprecation, and Jessie plays through it all, now politely twisting her head to acknowledge his presence, accustomed to his reports from the editorial page. Roaring Jack Butler, his few living friends call him, and his enemies too, though with an implication that he is not of right mind. That the Union prevailed in the great conflict did nothing to mitigate their opinion of him as a scalawag and heretic, and there are few of Wilmington’s great men who will meet his eye in passing.

“—self-serving, sanctimonious—”

“Daddy, I have a student—”

“They want an em pire!” He crushes the paper in his upraised fist, as if it is the neck of a despised fowl. “ Altruism , they say, democratic principles , they say, a helping hand to the Cuban patriot —”

“Hypocrisy is the worst sin, Daddy, as you’ve told me a thousand—”

“Lies! All lies! They’ll be gobbling up territories like darkies at a fish fry!” With a final, indignant thwack he stomps back into his study.

Miss Loretta is not certain whether she is amused by his outbursts after these many years, or only relieved that she is no longer their object. His political views and his insistence on not being “run off his patch” no doubt limited her prospects for marriage when she was of a desirable age, her fate sealed by her own — acquiescence? Cowardice? A widow with an inheritance might hope for suitors at forty, but a woman never married at that same age is past consideration.

“My apologies,” she says to Jessie, but the girl has only turned back to face the piano and execute the tumbling descent that ends the piece. It is very sweet of her, really, to choose the old-maid daughter of the city’s most eccentric landowner not only as a music instructor but as a confidant.

“I believe I’d give anything to be your age again,” Miss Loretta muses out loud. “With a young soldier to pine for. Heartsick, yet eternally hopeful—”

“Did you ever—?” Jessie begins, and then falters on the very last note, as if realizing she may have overstepped her position.

“Ever what?” Miss Loretta asks her, gently. “Have I ever pined for somebody?”

The girl lowers her eyes, does not turn to look at her. She plays simple, thoughtful chords for a moment. “Did you?”

“Yes,” Miss Loretta says to the colored girl.

“And—?”

“It went a good deal beyond the pining stage, I’m afraid, but he was — unsuitable.”

Jessie nods sympathetically, as if she understands, as if she can know anything about it. “He was poor?”

Miss Loretta gives her a tight smile. “He was married.”

It is evident that the girl is shocked, looking at the keys now as if they may have been suddenly rearranged.

“Daddy attempted to shoot him on two occasions.”

She wonders what they think of her around town, what they say about her. After little Carrie’s success at Fisk her services have been in demand, by colored and by white alike, and many of those same men who will not speak to her father are willing to pay to send their daughters into his home for lessons. A strange old bird, she imagines. A spinster eccentric whose constant and public efforts to gain suffrage are regarded as yet another deleterious effect of remaining without husband or child.

But Jessie Lunceford is too sweet-natured to mock or condemn her, and Miss Loretta is surprised to find herself not in the least embarrassed to have shared an intimation of her deepest regret with a student. A colored girl.

“Shall we try the Twenty-Three?”

It is the ballade they have been working on, the one she has suggested for Jessie’s Academy audition and thus the locus of some anxiety, but today Miss Loretta only turns the pages when needed and allows her thoughts to drift on the music. The girl wears her hair in short braids that reveal the beautiful back of her neck, wears no ring on her long brown fingers, wears no disappointment, no sense of things that will never be. When she talks of her crush on the soldier and the impediment of her father’s propriety the tiniest of vertical lines appears between Jessie’s wide-set brows, her mouth turned down in the tiniest of frowns, like a seamstress concentrating to pass thread through a needle. How can anyone so untroubled understand the emotion of the music? Leland had a theory that the masters were only vessels, that the spirits of the great composers, or perhaps God Himself, was speaking through them. He would stroke her fingers, dreamily, as he spoke to her of his spiritual ideas, after they had been making love. She understands about the silences, this Jessie, understands that when there is a return the same notes will have a different feeling, a different meaning because of the thunder that has happened in between. Last week Miss Loretta heard her from the stairway, already seated and playing a strange music, slow and rambling and syncopated to the edge of sounding like a mistake. Jessie said she thought it was a rag, something she had heard from the window of a house she was forbidden to enter. “I know it’s suppose to be wicked,” she said, “but I think it’s just sweet and sad and it’s a place I like to go sometimes.” Which startled Miss Loretta to hear, precisely the way she herself has always thought of the music, not as a thing or a performance but a place, a refuge she can visit but never live in. She still plays every day — badly, but with great feeling.