Peter Liu - Bald New World

“Don’t remind me.”

“You saved my life twice that night,” Larry said. “That lady nearly cut off my—” and he stumbled. I helped him back up. “All that technology, all those computer simulations, and we’re still risking our asses for a lay. Or was that just me? You were a prude back then too, weren’t you? I thought it was just Linda that yoked your ass.”

“If these girls are spies, they’re more dangerous than the girls back then,” I said.

“It’s a good thing you have your toys to help us.” He took off his fedora, unattached his wig, looked at the brand tag that read Chao Toufa. “Everyone says we make the best hair in the world. We have some special chemical that makes the hair super real, better than horse hair. Can you believe these wigs cost a fortune?”

“Hair is the most precious luxury in the world.”

“Long time ago, people used to shave their heads on purpose because they didn’t have showers like now and lice would get in your hair and make your head all itchy. I can’t imagine living with bugs in my hair all day.”

“It would make life less lonely.”

He laughed and put his arm around my shoulder. “Shinjee is so pretty, it makes me wanna cry. The only thing I want more than her is for my next film to succeed. It’s going to be amazing.”

“You’re not going to tell me anything?”

“Not until it’s ready. I promise I’ll tell you everything when it’s set. Just know it’ll be bigger than anything I’ve done before. Can you please help me tonight?”

When I first met Larry, I didn’t know who he was, only that he didn’t seem to give a shit about anything or anyone. The military gave him demerits, censures, and reprimands, and he’d just laugh it off.

One day, he charted who downloaded what porn in the base, categorizing them by their preferences. He was stunned that the married lieutenant who always espoused the Church of Peace enjoyed, “Weird animal stuff involving broccoli and purple dildos,” while three asshole sergeants strayed towards revenge porn and bondage.

“It makes sense, a lot of them are just angry about (fill in the blank).” He put the list into a document and sent it “accidentally” to the entire cadre. Was nearly court-martialed until a general who saw this gave commendations to Larry for his act of “moral courage.”

“What are you doing, man?” I asked in concern.

He laughed. “C’mon, man, it was totally worth it.”

VI.

With Larry, it was hard to distinguish between courage and crazy recklessness. Shinjee and Hyori invited us back to their place for drinks. Before I could answer, Larry replied, “Sounds great.”

They lived in the east part of town, out near Sihui. The street lights resembled circular halos that hovered like frozen hummingbirds and a vendor was selling mushroom lamps, pink and green neon sprouts flourishing in the night. There was a pickup truck that had sleeping bags in the back, exhausted workers snoring inside. A group of drunks engaged in a rabid game of Chinese poker, demanding more beer, commenting vociferously on their play. The apartments were high-rises that were mostly twenty stories high, a steppe of buildings compressed as closely together as possible. We entered their apartment building. Shinjee stomped the ground to trigger the light sensor. The elevator took us up to the sixteenth floor and we entered their unit. It was surprisingly spacious. At the center of the apartment was a grand black piano, polished smooth so that both of us were reflected upside down. The keys were ermine, the set of chords looking like an intricate rib cage on a charred torso.

“Who plays the piano?” Larry asked.

“I do,” Shinjee answered. “I used to be a musician. I even played once for the Leader’s nephew.”

“Not a love song, right?” I asked.

She simpered. “Not a love song.”

“Play something for us,” Larry said, and pressed in closer to Shinjee to try to kiss her. She deftly avoided him as though expecting his move.

“Get us some drinks,” she ordered Hyori.

Hyori went to the kitchen while Shinjee sat down in front of the piano. She played a piece I didn’t recognize. Larry put his arms around her and she asked, “Do you want me to play something or not?” I could tell Larry wanted to be alone with her so I quietly made my way to the kitchen.

Hyori was getting drinks ready, but there was something uneasy in her behavior. I didn’t announce myself, watching to see if she was going to do anything. She used a teaspoon to mix juice and soda with heavy doses of liquor. Then I saw her take a tiny capsule and pour it into both our cups. She turned around, about to bring out the alcohol on a tray.

“What was that?” I asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“I saw what you just did.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Then drink our drink.”

“You don’t trust me?”

“Larry!” I shouted. “Larry!”

“What?” he answered.

“We need to leave.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You can’t just leave!” Hyori shouted.

“Larry, we need to get out of here. Larry!”

“What the hell happened?” Larry demanded as he approached.

“She was trying to drug us,” I said.

Larry stared at her. Then back at Shinjee and grinned. “Can we just put all the cards on the table?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve been pussyfooting around it the whole night. What do you want from us?” Larry asked. “Wait, it doesn’t even matter. I’m willing to do it, as long as I can have one night with you.” He looked directly at Shinjee.

Hyori was flustered and Shinjee looked confused. There was a loud banging on the door. While I was happy Larry was smart to what was going on, it didn’t help our plight any. I was not interested in sacrificing myself for one night with Hyori, especially as my eye kept on going to that dumb mouse tattoo on her head celebrating its victory over the lion.

“You can call off the infantry because you won’t need them,” Larry assured the two. I knew he was turning on his directorial “I’m in command” voice. “You want me to make a film for you? You want money? Name it. Anything aside from the factory, you can have. I’d even give you the factory, except I don’t have that kind of authority. My dad knew how crazy I was and since I have no other family left, he put selling control over it to a computer. Even if you took me hostage, you couldn’t touch Chao Toufa. So what is it you want?”

Shinjee was surprised and I knew she hadn’t expected this twist. “Y-you knew it was a trap?”

He went and kissed her. She didn’t stop him. The knocking on the door got louder until the lock turned and the two goons following us burst through the door, getting stuck for a second because they were too big to enter at the same time. I looked over at Larry and his lips were red from lipstick. He gently let Shinjee down.

“Welcome, gentlemen,” Larry said. “You guys have been following us the whole night. Have fun?” He looked at me, then took off his fedora and covered his eyes.

I took a light grenade out of my jacket and tossed it up, putting on my protective glasses. An explosive burst of light designed to cause retinal damage shined with the intensity of a small sun, rays deluging the senses. “If you open your eyes for more than three seconds, you’ll go blind!” I warned them. “I wouldn’t move for at least three hours if I were you.” Larry was still covering his eyes. I grabbed him by his arm to lead him out. Hyori was down on the ground, screaming from visual pain. Both blocky goons were also on the ground, squirming in circles like flipped cockroaches wiggling their legs.