Peter Liu - Bald New World

“What do you think, Larry?” Russ asked at one point which snapped me out of a reverie I couldn’t remember even though it was a second ago.

Larry put down his chopsticks. “I think my dad hired you fine folks to make the business decisions and didn’t want me to interfere. We had a good year. I’m not worried.”

“We had an excellent year,” Russ said. “But that’ll evaporate if we don’t take a stand.”

“So make the stand,” Larry said and got up. “You gentlemen continue. I have some business to attend to.”

“Larry.”

“Russ. You get paid the big bucks for a reason.”

We bid farewell to those at the table and stepped outside as the meeting continued without us.

“If I have to go to another meeting, I’m going to shoot myself,” Larry stated. “I’m done for the day. Do you mind going shopping with me?”

“It seemed like a serious meeting,” I said.

“It’s always a serious meeting with these guys. Everything is the end of the world. The world is big enough for rival wig companies.”

We got into his car and he input directions for a shopping center.

“What are we buying?” I asked.

“A gift for some of my ladies. Also, you need to send Rebecca an apology gift.”

“Huh?”

The automated taxi took us to a shopping complex about an hour away. Larry was engrossed in a long phone call about various business updates which consisted mostly of him saying, “Uh huh, uh huh,” while making lewd gestures with his fingers as he pretended to take the conversation seriously with the camera flipped off.

“This Colonel doesn’t got you worried?” I asked after he hung up.

Larry grinned. “She’s a scary hag. You know she had all her teeth blown out during a bombing? She picked up her teeth and made a collar of them and they say she wears it to sleep. She has that tattoo of the King of Hell on her scalp too which doesn’t help. Anytime I see her, I just want to hand her the keys to the company and tell her, don’t kill me please.”

“Why don’t you?”

“I told you. I don’t have the power to give it up,” he answered. “It’s up to the master computer, the Zhuge Liang . All selling power is controlled by the AI. I just reap the benefits. My dad could be an asshole, but he could read people. He knew I wasn’t a businessman and knew he couldn’t leave control of the company in my hands. I’m glad, because if he had, I’d be broke and I’d probably have signed my company away to some hottie who batted her eyes at me and said, ‘Oh, Larry, can you give me shares in your company?’ It’s something way bigger that’s got me concerned.”

“What’s bigger than that?”

He rubbed his forehead. “Did you notice anything strange during the lunch?”

“Like what?”

“Anything unusual?”

I thought about it. “No. Should I have?”

“I was hoping you would. That’s why I invited you. Sorry if it was boring. I have to do about twenty of those a week.”

“It’s all right. Kind of interesting actually.” I thought back on the conversation and while the topics were foreign to me, I didn’t know if there was something specific Larry was referring to. “Was it when we were talking about the Colonel?”

Larry shook his head.

“About the lawsuits?” I asked.

He shook his head again. “It’s actually related to that chip from Dr. Asahi.”

I got ready to take it out when he stopped me.

“I’ve been avoiding it all day. I’m hoping I’m wrong.”

“About what?”

He placed his thumbnail in his mouth and chewed it nervously. “About a whole lot of things.”

The first shopping center we arrived at was packed and there were cameras everywhere along with a stream of fashionably dressed patrons. Turned out they were filming a show called Fashion Addicts where the eponymous contestants had to go through shopping malls for a year without buying anything in order to try and cure their disease. Larry decided we should go to a different shopping center that was fifteen miles further. It was practically empty despite being five floors tall and taking up a massive space. There were all sorts of stores on the first floor selling clothing, books, shoes, herbs, sunglasses, and kitchen appliances. The second floor was full of odd products that had never caught on; talking mannequins, robotic pets, books that yelled their contents, pens that wrote themselves, clothes that changed color depending on the emotion of the wearer, and clocks that counted fiscal irresponsibility. I didn’t know if it was the location or if it was because the place was so old that it didn’t have dazzling lights and advertisements, but there were no patrons. There were some stragglers here and there, but not enough to be able to finance such a big area. As a result, the store owners had a desperate gleam to them, watching us expectantly, hoping we would stop in to make a purchase. I couldn’t imagine spending my whole life waiting in one of these stuffed stores, trying to make enough of a living to survive. They existed customer to customer, haggling over pennies that made no difference to those arguing but meant rent to those fighting to maintain that slight margin of profit.

“What’s on this disk?” I asked. “Dr. Asahi said she was stumped.”

“The answer to a puzzle,” Larry answered.

“If you’re going to tell me this is somehow related to a girl you’re in love with—”

“She hasn’t called me yet,” he said. “But no, this isn’t related. You reminded me though. Why hasn’t Shinjee called me back yet?”

“We did disable her bodyguards and expose their attempt to knock us out.”

“She’s just making a living,” Larry said, shrugging it off.

“I’m not trying to question you, man, but should you have paid more attention at the meeting?”

Larry laughed. “Do you know what the real point of the meeting was?”

“It wasn’t to discuss business matters?”

“The other managers wanted to embarrass Russ by pointing out all the problems and supersede his authority by talking directly to me. I had to act like I didn’t care so they’d understand Russ was still the man and talking to me was pointless.”

“You guys planned this?”

Larry nodded. “He’s really big on expanding into garbage disposal which has caused a political nightmare. The others think it’s a fool’s game and part of me agrees with them. But hell, diversity can’t be bad.” He cleared his throat. “Russ also thinks one of the managers is working for the Colonel. Had to be careful what we said in there. Anyways, thinking about all this business stuff stresses me out. I sometimes think about giving it all up and just wandering the planet.”

“Why don’t you?”

“I’d miss all my ladies.”

I laughed. “You can meet new ones.”

“The ones I’m chasing now are way too attractive for me to give up without at least trying.”

“You mean Shinjee?”

“Plus two new ones I met last night.”

I sighed. “You’re in love?”

“Not yet. But the Austrian-British lady I met last night reminded me of this Greek statue I once saw in San Francisco. She’s actually the niece to our regional manager in Mongolia. We talked about quantum mechanics as love made into mathematics.”

“What about the other one?”

He waved his finger at me. “I’m not kidding you, she looked like an elf. Perfect body proportions, cute like someone from those fantasy-book covers. All she needed was pointy ears. What about you? Did you at least find Rebecca attractive?”

“She was — nice.”

“I didn’t ask if she was nice.”

“She told me she doesn’t like guys shorter than her — and I’m shorter than her.”