Stephen Dixon: Gould

“Touche’,” and he said “Yes, mucho toucheé , if what I know of the word’s right, mucho tushie touché,” and she said “Too much toucheé , but what I meant by ‘love’ was ‘playful’—you were fooling around— kidding —and I let you because I thought it was harmless,” and he said “Oh brother, was I fooling around and harmless,” and she said “Don’t suddenly get immature,” and he said “Sorry, lady,” and slid over to the end of the couch and looked at his feet and pouted and she said “What’s wrong now?” and still looking at his feet he said “You know, darnit,” and she said “Are you trying to manipulate me again?” and he said “I know what manual labor is,” and she said “What’s that supposed to mean?” and he said “It isn’t the name of a Mexican worker,” and she said “You sound stupid now — excuse me: just a touch silly then, for I hate that, when an intelligent sensible man intentionally acts dumb, as much as I hate an operator,” and he looked at her and smiled and said “Okay, I’m wrong, I admit it, I’m sorry, very sorry, if I could apologize a hundred times without sounding redundant, I’d do it,” and she smiled and he slid over to her and said “But you know, getting back to the other subject, we do know each other,” and she said “We hardly do — three times plus when we first met and before that seeing each other on campus,” and he said “You know me now, all about me, my ups and downs, my bads and goods, my bumps and humps — no, not that,” and she said “Great time for puns,” and he said “You used that word before, and now you’ll see how honest and stupid I am — I mean, when you weren’t looking I could have written it down and looked it up later — but what’s a pun?” and she gave her definition of it and he said “How come I didn’t know it?” and she said “Some people know, others do — that’s a pun, almost, but more just a joke,” and he said “And funny, but anyway, to end what I was saying about knowing me, you do, and I feel I know you, and I really like you,” and she said “And I like you,” and he said “Then, settled?” and she said “To an extent,” and he said “Good,” and they kissed and after about a minute of kissing he touched her breast and kept his hand there and after another minute of kissing he started unbuttoning her blouse and she tried to rebutton it and he pulled her hand away and unbuttoned the rest and rubbed her nipple with his finger and then unhooked her bra, all while they were kissing, and pulled her bra up and got her breast out from under her blouse and kissed it and while he was kissing it in different places he put her hand on his pants where his penis was and she squeezed it once and moved her hand away and he said “Come on, please, just a little more,” and put her hand back and she squeezed it a few times and then left her hand on top of it and he unzipped his fly and pulled his penis out and put her hand around it and she began jerking it and then faster and he said “Easy, not so hard, I’ll mess up the couch,” and she said “We should stop, then, my parents will see the stain and they’ll know what it is and go crazy,” and he said “Wait a second, I’ve an idea,” and kissed her and put his hand up her skirt and scratched her hair through the panties and then curled his pinky underneath the panties and felt around and got the tip of it inside her vagina and while they were kissing and two of his fingers were inside her vagina he stretched his other hand to the side table lamp behind her and she said “What are you doing?” still jerking his penis and he said “Shutting the light or making it lower — does it have two bulbs?” and she said “That one, three,” and he said “I’ll shut off two, all right? — it’s hurting my eyes,” and she said “Why? Your eyes are mostly closed,” and he said “It still comes through, or it’s just nicer all around that way, softer,” and felt around the socket for a switch but felt light chains and pulled two of them and the room went dark and she said “Why’d you turn them all off?” and he said “I only pulled two, so that must have been all that was on,” and she said “Oh well, now you don’t have to look at me,” and he said “Yeah, very tough to do, looking at you — you’re a beauty,” and she said “Sure,” and he said “You are, you are — kees me, you chrazy mixed-up beauty,” and kissed her and she pushed his face away and said “What do I do if the phone rings?” and he said “I don’t know — where’s the phone? You can’t find it in the dark?” and she said “I mean, do I answer it?” and he said “No-o-o,” and started pulling her panties down and she said “Suppose it was something important?” and he said “How could it be? Your parents are out. Why don’t I just take it off the hook — where is it?” and she said “There’s one in the kitchen,” and he said “Ah, let’s just let it ring,” and pulled her panties down farther and she didn’t stop him and he pulled them off and felt her legs and behind and inside her behind and she said “Not that place, it could be dirty,” and he said “It isn’t dirty — it’s part of fooling around when you’re doing it,” and she said “Dirty as in feces, okay?” and he said “I understand,” and felt her legs around her crotch and her hair there and started pulling his pants off and she said “What are you doing?” and he said “My pants, off, they’re uncomfortable, the belt buckle thing’s sticking me,” and thought Say “Help me, will you?” and said “Help me with them, will ya please?” and she said “I’m not sure,” and he said “Don’t worry, anything you don’t want to do, we won’t — we can just stay close to each other, rubbing and hugging but that’s all,” and felt her vagina and inside it and she jerked him back and forth and they were kissing and then he pulled off his pants and then shorts and shirt off and her blouse off and bra from around her arm where it was hanging and he said “Our shoes and socks,” and he pulled their shoes off and his socks for she didn’t have anything like that on and then he was on top of her and she said “I don’t know if we should continue, this could be dangerous. Suppose my folks come back early and we do mess up the couch?” and he said “Why would they and if you want I can put my hanky or something under you or we can go to a bed,” and she said “No bed,” and he said “Then here, we won’t be messy and nothing might come of it,” and she said “One of them could get sick — my mother, one drink, and they drink a lot at those dinner affairs,” and he said “Is that where they went? — where, way downtown?” feeling her body all around, and she said “Some political club event — once a year, I think it’s at a big midtown hotel, with lots of speeches. They never miss it and she’s a terrible drinker if they don’t serve her lots of appetizers before; my father can hold his though,” and he said “Don’t worry, they left, what, an hour ago? — so they’re just starting, and we can do anything, if we do it, quickly,” and she said “I don’t want to do it any kind of way,” and he said “Have you ever?” and she said “Once, with a guy I liked, a few times, when I was much younger — it was a big mistake. And you?” and he said “Yes, but I have to admit it, only with women I paid — I don’t like that, I’m sorry,” and she said “That’s all right,” and he said “So what do you think?” and she said “I really don’t think we should,” and he said “Okay,” and kissed her neck and face and breasts and belly and said “I think we should,” and vagina and stuck his tongue in and turned his body around, and she said “I’ve never done this — I didn’t with the other guy, though he wanted me to,” and he said “Just try, if it’s no good, not something you like, don’t then, really,” and she did and continued to and he did and then he felt himself coming and pushed her face away and said “You don’t want to be swallowing the stuff, do you?” and she said “No, never, though I think I tasted it now,” and he turned around again and kissed her and put his tongue in her mouth because he thought she’d wanted to be kissed like that after, for that would make her think he didn’t think her mouth was dirty from doing it, and then he tried putting his penis in her and she said “The whole thing doesn’t feel good like this, the couch isn’t wide enough and my shoulder’s pressed — let’s get on the floor,” and he thought “Good, it’s done, I’m in,” and said “Why not your room?” and she said “The floor’s easier,” and he said “How could it be? — the bed’s softer,” and she said “My room’s a mess,” and he said “Who cares about that?” and she said “I just don’t want us to be there, I share it with my sister when she cornes home from college, and this is a good thick carpet and please don’t argue,” and he said “Okay,” because she just might get so upset at him that she’d stop now and they got on the floor and she got on her back and spread her legs and patted her thighs, he saw all this from the light in the kitchen, and said “I’m not wearing anything, I haven’t got one yet, did you bring something?” and he said yes and got up to get his wallet out of his pants and she said “Actually, I’ve already started my period a little, if you don’t mind that — I never should have let you do what you did,” and he said “By the way, when I said I had one, it wasn’t for this time particularly, I just happen to have it in my wallet for a while — and before, when you shouldn’t have let me do what I did, did you mean with my mouth?” and it seemed she was nodding and he said “You’re nodding?” and she said yes, and he said “I didn’t taste anything unusual, so maybe it had stopped before I was there — but you sure you can’t get pregnant by us doing this without anything?” and she said “Positive, it’s biologically impossible, though if you want to put on something, just to be extra safe, go ahead,” and he said he’d rather not and got down on the floor and inside her and flattened himself on top and she said “That can’t be the way, I’m not the most experienced at it, but what you’re doing would squash anyone,” and he said “Sorry,” and raised his rear a little and after a few moves by both of them, came. They did it again a short time later and then almost every weekend someplace, sometimes both weekend nights and occasionally on a weekday, when his parents weren’t home, hers, couple of times at the apartment of a friend of hers when the friend’s parents were out and she left them alone for an hour, and used condoms for a while and then a diaphragm when she got fitted for one or didn’t use anything around the time of her period and sometimes right at the height of it — he didn’t really like to do it then, all the blood on him after and the thought of her bleeding while they were doing it, the slippery stuff not so much theirs but her blood, but it didn’t seem to bother her much, she’d just pull the tampon out and roll it in a tissue or napkin and drop it on the floor and once even said, lying back flat on the bed, “Why don’t you do the honors this time — it’s only a little string,” and he told her lots of times he loved her though he only liked her a lot but loved making love with her and just knowing he had someone steady to make love with and that his friends knew, that was important too, and she said she loved him more than she had anyone before, “even if there haven’t been that many guys in my life I felt deeply about: two, you’re the third, and one of those two when I was so young I never let him touch me or do anything but kiss, but that was exciting enough then,” and they met on campus the days they both had classes and had lunch there and sat outside when it was nice and talked and sometimes she took the subway downtown with him when he had to go to work after school, just to be another hour with him, she said. He wished he could really love her and felt bad and troubled that he didn’t and sometimes thought he was wasting his time going with someone and doing such serious things with her whom he didn’t think he’d ever love so much as to say it Читать дальше