Peter Carey - The Unusual Life of Tristan Smith

Chemin Rouge, 426

Deposition given by Margaret Kram, Produkter, to the Bhurgercourt of Voorstand

It came to me disguised as one of God’s Creatures. Its true nature was monstrous, like the Hairy Man, the thing with scales that Bruder Duck saw in the woods, the little black thing that swished its tail and stamped its foot with rage.

It was charming, ingratiating, with numerous stories and songs. It walked upon the public street, moving without let or hindrance amongst the folk. It performed many tricks, some with eggs and spoons. I never saw it eat or heard it complain of hunger. It would never show its face.

It said it had no wish to come to Voorstand, that it came only to see ‘My Father’. It lived inside the skin of the Mouse. It spoke with the voice of a man. It said it lived on air. It said it was born in ‘the Shadows of the Sirkus’. It said it had drunk ‘the Light of your Dreams’ and lived ‘in the Penumbra of your Lives’.

For a brief time, to my great shame, I fell under its spell. When I saw its true nature, I asked it, what have we done to you that you should bear us such enmity?

It had no reason.

EFICAN ENGLISH

angels

to see the angels

, to have an orgasm

ASM

Assistant Stage Manager (standard English)

awert

newspaper advertisement, particularly a small or ‘classified’ advertisement

bandock

nappy or diaper. From Voorstand English

banddoek

ballot

idiot, jerk. From French

ballotter

, ‘to shake up’ — thus, one who has had his brain shaken up

baton

penis

bazooley

1. that which you are passionate about. 2. a prize, jackpot, winning bet. Also:

bazoohley

Benny bouftou

From French colloq.

beni-bouflou

, lit: ‘a blessed eater of everything’

biche-la-mar

sea cucumbers or trepang. Also:

bicho do mur.

Corruption of French

bèche-de-mer

Bride

pint of beer, so named for its foaming white ‘train’

brique bleu

unusually large molluscs (of the Gastropod class) harvested by first century

EC

Efican dyeworks. A source of ‘Efican Blue’. Lit: ‘blue bricks’

cambruce

a hick, farmer, an inhabitant of Nez Noir. Probably a corruption of French

cambroussard

cancerette

cigarette

case-latrine

poor quality red wine. From French

caisse poitrine

, lit: ‘chest-breaker’

cash parole

automatic teller machine card

casserole

a spotlight

couchette

a small bed or crib, sometimes a small bedroom

Croco cristi

untranslatable expletive with origins in first century

EC

cant.

Christi

possibly from Sacristi or Holy Cow,

Croco

from Crocodile

croix cakes

round poppy-seed cakes. The

croix

(French ‘cross’) may have its origins in the cross-hatched pattern of icing

dab

father, dad

demi-botte

gumboot, Wellington. Also:

demi, demon

dos-sack

back-pack

dreck

shit. From Yiddish

Enteralis

any tree of the predominantly Efican genus

Enteralis

facheur

thief. Corruption of French

faucher

, ‘to steal’

frere

comrade

frippes

trousers, threads. From French

frippes

, ‘wrinkles’. Also:

thrippes

ganja

dried leaves of the Indian hemp plant

Cannabis sativa.

From Hindi

gaja

, from Sanskrit

grnja

Gardiacivil

police

gazetted

to be married. From first and second centuries

EC

, when civil marriages were published in the Government gazette

gen

a man, a gent

governor

to work for the governor

is to work for the ruling class, to be a stool pigeon, to be untrustworthy

illico presto

immediately; hurry it up. From Italian

presto

jon-kay

money. From French colloq.

jonc, joncaille.

Also: John Kay

Jules

man in general

Lasto-net

synthetic bandage developed in Efica 370

EC

Lasto-net is the registered copyright of Hellas Enterprises

Leko

an ellipsoidal reflective spotlight

lever man

a burglar specializing in forced entry

lolo

breast. Most likely from French child’s cry for milk,

‘lait, lait’

loup

mad, rabid

meccano

equestrian rig invented by Spencer Q. Stokes to train bare-back riders. A central post supports an arm like the jib of a crane from which the student is suspended

mo-ami

my friend. Corruption of French

mon ami

mobile-amor

sedan chair

mo-chou

common endearment. Corruption of French

mon chou-fleur

, ‘my cauliflower’

mollo mollo

relax, take it easy

Mongrel Day

a warm, overcast, windy day

mo-poulet

common endearment, lit: ‘my chicken’

Moosone

the wet season

mouette

a gull-like bird indigenous to the southern islands of Efica

Muddy

Member of the Efican Democratic Party

mug-wallop

untranslatable abusive term. Probably cant, from first century

EC

musico

a flatterer, a crook. Also: a musician

parsley

pubic hair.

To put the asparagus in the parsley

, to have sexual intercourse

patapoof

a fat person

pea and thimble man

a fairground con-man

penguin

policeman

perroquet

a green drink made from crushed ice, green lime cordial, seltzer. From French

perroqet

, ‘parrot’

petite tente

small tent used by family circuses in islands of Efica

petticon

little cunt (esp. vulg.). Corruption of French

petite con

pissmarie

a nurse (vulg.). From

santamarie

playing card

small fish, usually silver bream

porpoise

penis

rak-rok block

three-dimensional jigsaw invented in Efica, now manufactured under licence in Europe and Voorstand

rikiki

the little finger, an under-sized person, a 4 fl.oz. glass of beer. Corruption of French

riquiqui

ringhard

a bad actor. From colloq. French

ringard

, ‘a real zero’

riveter

a homosexual (vulg.)